At my wits end...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
At my wits end...
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3years...in this time I grew to learn that he is an alcoholic and addict. We run a business together that is falling apart because of his disease. I've been to Ala-non meetings counseling sessions both individual and with my boyfriend. Lies drinking and use continues with all the same outcome nothing changes. I know I can't change him but how in the world do I change me? Every aspect in our lives is intertwined ...I don't know what to do any more. Feeling pretty hopeless frustrated scared angry alone resentful
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
I want to be happy again I want to feel like myself but in my situation I just don't know how that's possible...everyone says you can't make the addict change so where does that leave thing s? I just need to change mmyself? But how do you do that when your entire life is joined with an addict?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Desperate, just for background, is he essential to the business? you're right that you need to detach but you have this extra layer of complication to do with you owning the business together.
I'm sorry, it doesn't look like he's going to change, but possibly you can structure your affairs so you don't go down with him. Options might be buying him out, making him a silent partner, having him buy you out and starting your own rival business. You would need to discuss this with a lawyer or accountant.
I'm not coming from the emotional POV because your OP didn't cover that in detail. It sounds like you've had enough on a personal level, but can't work out how to move away. For that you may need professional help and some negotiating skills.
I'm sorry, it doesn't look like he's going to change, but possibly you can structure your affairs so you don't go down with him. Options might be buying him out, making him a silent partner, having him buy you out and starting your own rival business. You would need to discuss this with a lawyer or accountant.
I'm not coming from the emotional POV because your OP didn't cover that in detail. It sounds like you've had enough on a personal level, but can't work out how to move away. For that you may need professional help and some negotiating skills.
Having a business with him makes it more complicated. Can you find your own place to live? Would it be less stressful if you lived apart?Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
He is essential to the business I do the bookkeeping he is the muscle. We live together in an apartment that is in my name with all my things...it's not quite easy to pack it all up and go but there is no way he'll leave he has no where else to go. Rent is due bills are unpaid our company is in bad shape. I need to find a job but llost the last one because my "personal" life was interfering with work. I'm scared with how terrible things are now I will have the same issue.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Desperate, you don't have to do anything tomorrow, but start making plans. You can ask him to move out rather than you move, but first priority would be to find a job so you become independent financially.
Make a list of what you need to do and start slowly, one step at a time. From what you say, events may overtake you so control what you can by being proactive.
Make a list of what you need to do and start slowly, one step at a time. From what you say, events may overtake you so control what you can by being proactive.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
Take care of yourself first. This might affect your life FOR REAL, your credit, your business. He can go down if he wants to but don't let him drag you down with him. It's your place, he can move out. Nowhere to go? Who has caused that? Don't enable, he will take advantage of you. That's just what we do.
I'm sorry that you are in this predicament. I hope this works out.
Take care of yourself first. This might affect your life FOR REAL, your credit, your business. He can go down if he wants to but don't let him drag you down with him. It's your place, he can move out. Nowhere to go? Who has caused that? Don't enable, he will take advantage of you. That's just what we do.
I'm sorry that you are in this predicament. I hope this works out.
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