day 1 and infidelity
 

I found out last night that my SO has been unfaithful to me for quite some time--over the course of two years. Now it's lunchtime and Day 1 is starting to feel very difficult but I'm trying to stay positive and sober and fight the anxiety.

I'd been suspicious all along, but only confronted him yesterday. I'd just had enough of it. I felt like about a month ago I was FINALLY pulling my life together. I was going to AA meetings and reconnecting with friends and family and even got a bunch of interviews and a part-time job. I've been "ready" to quit drinking before, but this felt so different. I was being pro-active about my sobriety and my life. I had hoped that because things were on the up the cheating would stop. It seemed like everything else was falling into place with sobriety, why not that?

Then a day came when I knew my SO was unfaithful, and I started drinking in a split-second of weakness. It seemed like I had brought the cheating on myself and what good was trying so hard when my life would still be full of lies...

That lasted about a week. I feel better, in some respect, for finding the will to confront him, and I'm back on day 1 of sobriety. But I'm just so disappointed in myself for relapsing and losing my job and pretending that my SO had that kind of power over MY sobriety. And I'm so ANGRY. I just wanted all the lying--from both of us--to stop. It's so hurtful to know that the person who I thought was supporting me has been sneaking around for two years. Who's left to believe in me? I guess I need to work on believing in myself...

Sorry for the rant--I'm a little shaky and can't make it to a meeting today. So thanks for listening!

Welcome, phoenixbot, to SR; glad you found us. I am sorry about the pain you are in; I am sure that learning of your SO's cheating was incredibly difficult.


Welcome to Day 1; it's where sobriety begins.

Use anger as fuel for your sobriety.

You said it yourself - his behavior should have no power over your sobriety. The first of many times in sobriety that you will repeat this mantra to yourself.

In the end, it is simply you and your sobriety - all alone, in a vast landscape populated with shadows of people and feelings.

You deserve to be in a relationship that you can trust, to grant your love to a person you can trust. That can't happen until you close this door completely (and firmly lock it). My (unasked for) advice is to go "no contact" ASAP, or you will keep dancing with the hurt and you sobriety will be challenged over and over. Use this moment to dive into sobriety without any reservation - just leap.

Everything is going to be ok. It will eventually be better.

Phoenix, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You know that you deserve better and you're going to manage just fine.

Time to make a stand for you and your sobriety. I doubt you need the Stress and hurt of a unfaithful relationship. And putting hands in the cookie jar just won't stop at one time. That is not love.

Rooting for you!

I'm not hip. Whats an SO. I guess it doesn't matter the main thing is if it's hurting your sobriety it can't be good. My sobriety is the first most important thing in my life today. If I drink I will loose everything, including life itself. Do what you know you have to do to get and stay sober. staying sober is easier than getting sober. Glad you made it back, many don't. You may never have to go through this again, Get to a meeting ASAP and be honest like you are here. If you have a higher power, pray. That's my 2 cents. I feel for you and know coming back ain't no picnic. Your back to the drawing board but you have a clean slate. You didn't loose the time you had sober, you will still have what you learned, Now you just have a new start date. One day at a time,one moment if it helps.
peace-Jonathan

So sorry for what your going through you totally deserve better

Congrats on day , lean on us for support whenever you need

Its really nice to meet you

SO - significant other

What an amazing oportunity to start clean. People will do to you what you let them do to you. Start fresh. This relationship is spent and dwelling on it will compromise your sobriety.

We are here. Use us for support.

Sorry to hear what's happened to you. How's the time to grab life by the horns and show people you are worth more than they realised !

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the words and advice.

So far day 1 is on track to reach day 2.

It's terrible. It's like as I slowly get my strength back this afternoon, my mind keeps running back to, well OF COURSE you got cheated on. You're broke, you've gained 40 pounds, always anxious, can't sleep, etc. and who would want to be faithful to someone like that.

But I know it's just my mind trying to throw a pity party to lure me away from my sobriety and forget that drinking causes all of that. Think I'll try eating a bowl of ice cream and watching a movie.

No one deserves to be cheated on. No matter your physical shape, economic status, nothing. I think ice cream and a movie sounds wonderful.

Me.

Go, you! Take no substitutes for honest people supporting you in your life.

Good for you for recognizing the lies that your AV is telling you.

You will move on to Day 2.

Hi phoenixbot

I'm sorry for what you've been through too but you sound like you're making good decisions now.

good to see you back :)

D

Thank you. It feels nice to be back on track.

Feeling good can last
 

It feels good to feel good, when you get down to it,that's all that matters. There is a difference between pleasure and happiness. Happiness doesn't come in a bottle or pill or pipe or a needle. Pleasure doesn't last. I hope you find true happiness.
peace-Jonathan

Welcome back phoenixbot!! :)