Feeling the pain in sobriety
 

A common thread I read on SR from those who have relapsed is they were experiencing some level of pain in their lives. The pain of loss, illness, relationships, employment or living situation are the major ones. At some level, many who had some sobriety were feeling worse sober than when they drank or used. An event of pain caused them to pickup.

I have experienced more pain in some regards sober than when I was intoxicated. I have had fleeting thoughts about washing that pain away - how can I feel worse sober??? Is this really what recovery is about!??

I have learned that the difference really is that now we can feel again. When drinking and/or using we could not feel. Our emotions were stunted. the pain was indeed present, but we covered it up.

Eight months ago today I committed to living soberly. Since last June 9th, I have been in pain at times but have not picked up. When life happens, I have a plan to call someone, post here and do what I need to do in order to get through the event. I embrace the pain as part of my recovery knowing it is truly another step forward and not a feeling of - what the hell, I might as well drink!

If you are feeling pain and are sober - Be Thankful! It is part of real, honest recovery. When we commit to sobriety pain will be part of life and we will feel it.

I stay sober today because of the grace given to me which includes the pain of life well lived.

Thank you to all my SR friends and members here who make it possible by humbly providing support to all.

Can you relate an experience of feeling pain in sobriety, but not drinking and recognizing it as a growth spurt???

Kind Regards,
FlyN

Congrats, FlyN, on 8 sober months.

Really like your post; as always insightful and wise.

A couple years ago, in the second year of my sobriety (and feeling quite secure, I might add) my sister was diagnosed with a serious brain tumor. Surgery was going to be almost as dangerous as not treating it at all. I was sick with worry, and very troubled, very disquieted by the fear and emotions my sister was going through. I wanted to avoid the "bad" feelings and drinking crossed my mind. But then it dawned on me, my sister, who had the tumor, wasn't drinking to escape her fears and anxieties. So who was I to seek escape from the discomfort I was feeling.

I didn't drink and the surgery went as hoped and her prognosis was good.

I try not to dwell on the "what ifs" and if I would have drank had the outcome been bad.

Congratulations on 8 months! This is big

I agree with your insight on sober life and all the emotions that accompany sobriety.
When we drink we dull and numb all emotions, including pain. That's why when we stop drinking life may suddenly seem a lot more painful. I think it's just a matter of perception - in an alcohol haze we don't really perceive reality for what it is. We don't experience pain just like we don't experience anything in a normal, healthy way.

Even though it seems so much more painful, it feels good to feel again.

Thank you! I don't have much sobriety so I cannot relate just yet. But I will be sure to remember this post the next time I'm in pain and thinking f it.

In sobriety I always find it hard to remember that pain is temporary, sometimes it is very fleeting and other times it's longer, but if you stay sober it goes away on it's own and is replaced by newfound strength.

If I drink however, the pain will last forever.

I must remember that.
Congrats on 8 months :)

I experienced this just today. Thanks for shedding some light on this fact.

Congrats on 8 months! :)

well done on 8 months Fly...

I will say that for me, I lost my job as I was getting sober. Alcohol was the reason I lost my job. This past year has been the roughest year of my life. I could have easily just said F it and kept on drinking. Many details left out but it was very challenging mentally.
But even though I struggled with life and adjusting to no income among other things - I held fast to my conviction to never drink again. I had faith that things would get better eventually- and if I went back to drinking I was just throwing my life away.
I was able to secure income almost 5 months later, but it's about 1/6 of my previous salary. House payment and other expenses did not change - adapted to it. I have negative cash flow at the moment. But I'm sober and I know that I will overcome this hurdle in my life. A heck of a price to pay to get sober - but worth it.

Glad you're here Jillian!
The world record for sobriety is 24hrs, you tied it today :)

Me too brother, glad we are on this journey together!!
Can't believe they passed....... :)

Thanks for the post and congrats on your 8 months.

Nice!

Great post fly and congratulations on eight months!

In addition to the feelings (good and bad) that are to be worked through, one of my greatest realizations thus far is that I've got some big things to face in my life. Personal matters I've not wanted to deal with and buried in alcohol. Now that I'm sober, these things are staring me in the eye. I need to make good decisions though, and my emotions are not completely reliable. After an accumulation of sobriety, I am going to face these things head on and with deliberation.

That's a great point fromadistance - resolving painful issues we simply avoided can cause stress and potentially trigger us if not ready and prepared.

Thanks for the response - well stated

Congrats on 8 months. This is a great thread.

Congratulations on your eight months! That's wonderful. Thank you for your post too. :)

Exellent post Fly, Congrats on 8 months bud

Congrats on 8 months! Very thought provoking post.

Thank you for this great post.
I am 19 months sober and this last 6 months has been absolute hell, battling a serious depression. I honestly thought I would not survive. But I am glad I did not drink. I'm feeling a bit better on new medication.
Yes, it's very painful to feel feelings, but drinking solves nothing.
Congratulations on 8 months!

Leshar,

Great job on 19 months!
Thanks for sharing this, way to work through your pain - soberly!