Hello
Fallen Knight
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: The deep dark of Moria
Posts: 32
Hello
Not sure where to start, other than to state that I believe I am chemically dependent on alcohol and the only thing keeping me out of the bottle is marijuana. I'm 31 and married. We have a 21 month old son, and another little boy on the way due in January. I've been drinking heavily and regularly for about 10 years.
I have not had a drink today. I did not have a drink yesterday. To say that I feel very ill is an understatement. I wake up and vomit almost every morning (though I sometimes just dry heave) regardless of whether I drank the night before or not. I'm nauseous almost all day long. I sweat from places I didn't know I could sweat. I'm light headed and sometimes see spots. My heart rate will at times skyrocket and remain elevated for up to a few hours.
Smoking marijuana helps with the nausea, I smoke every morning before work to settle my nausea and heaving. Regardless of how much (or little) water I drink, I am always thirsty (even when I haven't smoked/have cottonmouth). I get pain in my lower back and sides sometimes, it almost feels as though I am rotting inside.
A few weeks ago I went a week without a single drink. Deluded with confidence I had two beers one night. I was "hung over" for 4 days. At this point I'm going to presume the extended hangovers are due to a chemical dependency. I'm so very tired. I'm very scared also.
I can't keep this up or it's going to kill me, but for some reason I always go back to alcohol. No matter how sick even minimal amounts make me at this point, the days of illness seem to fade when I'm faced with the opportunity to drink.
I need to find a family physician (just moved clear across the country for work) and begin treatment. I'm so very scared.
I sit here at my work desk, sick as a dog with tears streaming down my face. I need help.
Time to wash up before my 3 o'clock meeting with staff.
Hello everyone, it is nice to meet you.
I have not had a drink today. I did not have a drink yesterday. To say that I feel very ill is an understatement. I wake up and vomit almost every morning (though I sometimes just dry heave) regardless of whether I drank the night before or not. I'm nauseous almost all day long. I sweat from places I didn't know I could sweat. I'm light headed and sometimes see spots. My heart rate will at times skyrocket and remain elevated for up to a few hours.
Smoking marijuana helps with the nausea, I smoke every morning before work to settle my nausea and heaving. Regardless of how much (or little) water I drink, I am always thirsty (even when I haven't smoked/have cottonmouth). I get pain in my lower back and sides sometimes, it almost feels as though I am rotting inside.
A few weeks ago I went a week without a single drink. Deluded with confidence I had two beers one night. I was "hung over" for 4 days. At this point I'm going to presume the extended hangovers are due to a chemical dependency. I'm so very tired. I'm very scared also.
I can't keep this up or it's going to kill me, but for some reason I always go back to alcohol. No matter how sick even minimal amounts make me at this point, the days of illness seem to fade when I'm faced with the opportunity to drink.
I need to find a family physician (just moved clear across the country for work) and begin treatment. I'm so very scared.
I sit here at my work desk, sick as a dog with tears streaming down my face. I need help.
Time to wash up before my 3 o'clock meeting with staff.
Hello everyone, it is nice to meet you.
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Federal Way, WA
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Tenzin
Not sure where to start, other than to state that I believe I am chemically dependent on alcohol and the only thing keeping me out of the bottle is marijuana. I'm 31 and married. We have a 21 month old son, and another little boy on the way due in January. I've been drinking heavily and regularly for about 10 years.
I have not had a drink today. I did not have a drink yesterday. To say that I feel very ill is an understatement. I wake up and vomit almost every morning (though I sometimes just dry heave) regardless of whether I drank the night before or not. I'm nauseous almost all day long. I sweat from places I didn't know I could sweat. I'm light headed and sometimes see spots. My heart rate will at times skyrocket and remain elevated for up to a few hours.
Smoking marijuana helps with the nausea, I smoke every morning before work to settle my nausea and heaving. Regardless of how much (or little) water I drink, I am always thirsty (even when I haven't smoked/have cottonmouth). I get pain in my lower back and sides sometimes, it almost feels as though I am rotting inside.
A few weeks ago I went a week without a single drink. Deluded with confidence I had two beers one night. I was "hung over" for 4 days. At this point I'm going to presume the extended hangovers are due to a chemical dependency. I'm so very tired. I'm very scared also.
I can't keep this up or it's going to kill me, but for some reason I always go back to alcohol. No matter how sick even minimal amounts make me at this point, the days of illness seem to fade when I'm faced with the opportunity to drink.
I need to find a family physician (just moved clear across the country for work) and begin treatment. I'm so very scared.
I sit here at my work desk, sick as a dog with tears streaming down my face. I need help.
Time to wash up before my 3 o'clock meeting with staff.
Hello everyone, it is nice to meet you.
I have not had a drink today. I did not have a drink yesterday. To say that I feel very ill is an understatement. I wake up and vomit almost every morning (though I sometimes just dry heave) regardless of whether I drank the night before or not. I'm nauseous almost all day long. I sweat from places I didn't know I could sweat. I'm light headed and sometimes see spots. My heart rate will at times skyrocket and remain elevated for up to a few hours.
Smoking marijuana helps with the nausea, I smoke every morning before work to settle my nausea and heaving. Regardless of how much (or little) water I drink, I am always thirsty (even when I haven't smoked/have cottonmouth). I get pain in my lower back and sides sometimes, it almost feels as though I am rotting inside.
A few weeks ago I went a week without a single drink. Deluded with confidence I had two beers one night. I was "hung over" for 4 days. At this point I'm going to presume the extended hangovers are due to a chemical dependency. I'm so very tired. I'm very scared also.
I can't keep this up or it's going to kill me, but for some reason I always go back to alcohol. No matter how sick even minimal amounts make me at this point, the days of illness seem to fade when I'm faced with the opportunity to drink.
I need to find a family physician (just moved clear across the country for work) and begin treatment. I'm so very scared.
I sit here at my work desk, sick as a dog with tears streaming down my face. I need help.
Time to wash up before my 3 o'clock meeting with staff.
Hello everyone, it is nice to meet you.
Get to an AA meeting - even if it is just to listen. Get some names and numbers of some of the other women - they have all been there where you are at. Keep going until you get into a treatment center.
Get to the Dr. - hear a theme there? Take care of yourself. Things probably don't seem as though they can get any better, but the longer you are sober, the sooner they will.
Rick
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Welcome to SR, Tenzin. You've found a good and supportive place.
From what you describe, I wonder if you need a detox. Possibly a rehab. At the very least, find that doc before you totally go off alcohol!
You sound dead serious about getting sober. While you are looking for a doc, why don't you also look for your program to stay sober?
I'm in AA, so of course I recommend AA. I personally don't know of anyone who beat this disease alone. One drunk helping another drunk.
There are other options than AA. SMART is one of them. If you don't want AA, why don't you go to the 12 Step Alternatives listed on this website?
My last drink put me on a ventilator, with docs saying I WOULD have wet brain and that I had the lowest neurological status one could have and still live. I'M SOBER! and not wet brained, I think
If I can do it, so can you. You are surrounded by ppl here who have done it, or, should I say, are doing it.
From what you describe, I wonder if you need a detox. Possibly a rehab. At the very least, find that doc before you totally go off alcohol!
You sound dead serious about getting sober. While you are looking for a doc, why don't you also look for your program to stay sober?
I'm in AA, so of course I recommend AA. I personally don't know of anyone who beat this disease alone. One drunk helping another drunk.
There are other options than AA. SMART is one of them. If you don't want AA, why don't you go to the 12 Step Alternatives listed on this website?
My last drink put me on a ventilator, with docs saying I WOULD have wet brain and that I had the lowest neurological status one could have and still live. I'M SOBER! and not wet brained, I think
If I can do it, so can you. You are surrounded by ppl here who have done it, or, should I say, are doing it.
~Author of My Life~
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
WElcome to SR Tenzin- So glad you have found us.
I hear your pain. We have been there. My drug of choice wasn't alcohol, but had my rounds with it. I am clean and sober today..and feel hope. There IS hope my friend. Call your doctor. Keep reaching out for help. It is out there. Keep posting here also. We can offer what has worked for us and be supportive. Feel free to post wherever you like. There is an alcoholism and AA section you may find very helpful.
Hang in there.............((((Warm Hugs)))))
I hear your pain. We have been there. My drug of choice wasn't alcohol, but had my rounds with it. I am clean and sober today..and feel hope. There IS hope my friend. Call your doctor. Keep reaching out for help. It is out there. Keep posting here also. We can offer what has worked for us and be supportive. Feel free to post wherever you like. There is an alcoholism and AA section you may find very helpful.
Hang in there.............((((Warm Hugs)))))
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Welcome Tenzin:
The symptoms you describe sound very familiar. Reminds me alot of when I was going through alcohol withdrawals. I'll repeat what the others said. Find a Doctor and a recovery program. I myself go to AA and it has helped me remain sober today. Although sober a relatively short time, it's been a long time compared to my daily drinking. Find a program that works for you. I believe anyone can get sober if they put thier mind, heart and soul into it. Good luck.
Take care,
Talia
The symptoms you describe sound very familiar. Reminds me alot of when I was going through alcohol withdrawals. I'll repeat what the others said. Find a Doctor and a recovery program. I myself go to AA and it has helped me remain sober today. Although sober a relatively short time, it's been a long time compared to my daily drinking. Find a program that works for you. I believe anyone can get sober if they put thier mind, heart and soul into it. Good luck.
Take care,
Talia
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ohio
Posts: 39
Hi Tenzin Im also A recovering alcoholic, Reading that It seems I could have typed that. You should consult a doctor or at the very least call medical staff at the emergency room. The reason I say this, as Ive detoxed both in and out of medical attention. You need to be concerned with the heart rate and Blood Pressure.
In your post you say you have a wife and Young son. No reason to take chances. Alcoholism is very common and detoxing should be done medically. There are meds to ease the symtoms. Every symtom you describe is exactly what I experienced and they do subside after time. The intial detoxification or first 3-7 days are the toughest. But 10 years is a long time to drink Its gonna take a while to get to feeling normal. Just hang in there and follow some of this advice. Were here for you and will help anyway we can.
In your post you say you have a wife and Young son. No reason to take chances. Alcoholism is very common and detoxing should be done medically. There are meds to ease the symtoms. Every symtom you describe is exactly what I experienced and they do subside after time. The intial detoxification or first 3-7 days are the toughest. But 10 years is a long time to drink Its gonna take a while to get to feeling normal. Just hang in there and follow some of this advice. Were here for you and will help anyway we can.
Fallen Knight
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: The deep dark of Moria
Posts: 32
I was able to stay away from alcohol until Saturday. I was sick (detox?) for about 4 days. Around the 4th day of not drinking (or was it 5th?) I did not feel sick, and this is where I turned into a monster. I fought with myself all day long (and was a royal arse to my wife at times, I'm sorry love) until I had enough and went to the store to pick up a 6-pack. I finished that off while I was cooking dinner and fell asleep 15 minutes into the movie we had rented. I woke up Sunday feeling alright, no hangover or shakes. Same battle with the same results: another 6-pack. I woke up this morning hung-over, sweating and shaking. I can hardly deal with the pain. It makes me wonder whether I drink so much just to get this sick to encourage myself to not drink so much. *shrug* Someday I might figure it out. Until that day comes (if it ever does) I'm taking some very difficult steps. I've made an appointment with a physician for tomorrow morning. He's actually a substance abuse specialist. To make a long story short, I'll start a one-week out-patient detox tomorrow morning (from what I was told on the phone) that includes medical supervision and treatment with drugs if needed.
I've always felt great shame when thinking about my substance abuse problem, making the appointment today didn't help. It was suggested to me that I pay cash for the 1-week treatement ($450) due to the fact that having this on my insurance record might cause future problems for me. I'll have to come to terms with that at some point, I'm sure, but for now I'll follow their advice and indeed pay cash.
I feel so lost, yet, there is a sliver of hope. I know I'm making the right decision, but I've never felt so much fear and doubt when doing so. Part of what has me worried is not knowing what to expect. I'll have to get used to that too I suppose.
~Peace~
I've always felt great shame when thinking about my substance abuse problem, making the appointment today didn't help. It was suggested to me that I pay cash for the 1-week treatement ($450) due to the fact that having this on my insurance record might cause future problems for me. I'll have to come to terms with that at some point, I'm sure, but for now I'll follow their advice and indeed pay cash.
I feel so lost, yet, there is a sliver of hope. I know I'm making the right decision, but I've never felt so much fear and doubt when doing so. Part of what has me worried is not knowing what to expect. I'll have to get used to that too I suppose.
~Peace~
RE-member- DONT QUIT!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: right where I'm supposed to be
Posts: 348
Welcome Tenzin, my name is mike and I'm an addict. I let fear and doubt control my life for so long and all i thought i could do was get high or drunk to escape. eventually the pain was great enough that i got the courage to do something about my problem. It sounds like your showing some of that same courage. there is a better way for all of us, you included and i'm happy to hear you are taking steps towards it. good luck in the detox, you may learn a lot of things about yourself you never knew, I sure did. My thoughts and prayers are with you 
Fallen Knight
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: The deep dark of Moria
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by mnj1024
good luck in the detox, you may learn a lot of things about yourself you never knew, I sure did.
There is another lyric, I want to say it's from a U2 song, but I'm honestly not sure. It's poignant. Though I can't remember which song/artist it's from, I remember it fairly well: "I tried to drown my sorrows, but my sorrows learned to swim."
I'm still going to my appointment tomorrow, but I did not manage to stay sober today either. After checking the boards I went downstairs to fire up the grill to cook up some steaks. My son was enjoying some keekee-nah (chicken nuggets in baby/toddler speak) and I started speaking with the missus. As I was explaining to her in detail exactly how much I was craving a drink, I felt the physical discomfort grow within me almost exponentially. My appetite waning as I was getting more and more ill, I ran to the bathroom and vomited.
There's no point to what I was typing. I was merely trying to explain how it happened but it's completely pointless. Useless, worthless, insignificant, a skidmark on the undie of life. A dried booger on the underside of a chair. A salt-water fish-tank on a deserted island. A fine-tooth comb for Telly Savalas. Everything is an excuse for my actions. I don't respect anyone who makes excuses for their poor performance at work. How can I begin to explain how I feel about myself? Someone who buys their own ******** excuses.
I'm chillin' wit my boy Jack Daniels. We kickin' it old skool. Back in the day, my little brother (may he rest in peace) used to show up on my doorstep with a bag of shrooms, a phat sack o weed, and a fifth of Jack. In retrospect, extreme intoxication was about the only manner in which we were able to actually stand each other's company. We were so different, yet adored a mutual love in JD.
I'm still starting my detox tomorrow morning at 8:40 am.
I feel like I'm insulting all you good people by posting here while drinking. I humbly apologize and retire for the night. I mean no disrespect. I am sorry.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: texas
Posts: 117
Yeah Tenzin,
Sorry to hear about your brother. My brother and I used to hang out over beer all the time. We'd sit and laugh and crack jokes all the time. I really miss that now that I've been sober a couple of weeks. He's still drinking himself to death and wants to quit, but it has to be his decision. He's mixing so much stuff with it and passes out.
I sure hope things go successfully tomorrow. Good luck.
Sorry to hear about your brother. My brother and I used to hang out over beer all the time. We'd sit and laugh and crack jokes all the time. I really miss that now that I've been sober a couple of weeks. He's still drinking himself to death and wants to quit, but it has to be his decision. He's mixing so much stuff with it and passes out.
I sure hope things go successfully tomorrow. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Hey Tenzin, no need to apologize - hell, should I relay some of the things I have done in the past? Sorry, not enough space!!!
I did not need detox or inpatient treatment, but I did go through six weeks of intensive outpatient treatment. I started out wondering "what am I doing here" and by the time I "graduated", I had accepted that I have a disease and was on may way to reclaiming my life.
I know you have to want this for yourself, but I have a nine year old boy and missed out on a lot of his growing up due to the alcohol - I know you don't want that and your family can play a critical role in your recovery - let them help you too!
It is an interesting comment about not accepting excuses for poor work performance, but it seems like alcohol is becoming more pervasive in your life - it has to be affecting your job performance? That is about the time that I realized that I needed help also and utilized our confidential EAP. You don't have to be as concerned with paying cash only anymore since HIPAA (privacy laws) came into the picture!
Good luck with everything Tenzin - we have been there and are here to tell you that you can get through this!!!
Dave
I did not need detox or inpatient treatment, but I did go through six weeks of intensive outpatient treatment. I started out wondering "what am I doing here" and by the time I "graduated", I had accepted that I have a disease and was on may way to reclaiming my life.
I know you have to want this for yourself, but I have a nine year old boy and missed out on a lot of his growing up due to the alcohol - I know you don't want that and your family can play a critical role in your recovery - let them help you too!
It is an interesting comment about not accepting excuses for poor work performance, but it seems like alcohol is becoming more pervasive in your life - it has to be affecting your job performance? That is about the time that I realized that I needed help also and utilized our confidential EAP. You don't have to be as concerned with paying cash only anymore since HIPAA (privacy laws) came into the picture!
Good luck with everything Tenzin - we have been there and are here to tell you that you can get through this!!!
Dave
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