zerothehero

In my case bad health news was a reason to stay sober rather than cave to alcohol. Most medications don't mix well with booze.

hillbillygirl

I'm just a big chicken.

Dee74

I was a big chicken too - but my big chicken mind was put to rest once I had the check up

D

hillbillygirl

Hahaha!! I]m hopeful that will be the case for me as well, but I'm still scared.
I'm going to make a good attempt to get checked out in the morning depending on if I can overcome my fear.

Just4quits

I just went through the exact same anxiety after quitting. I was sure after 30+ years of alcohol and drug abuse I was dying from something. The anxiety was causing more problems than anything else in my newly found sobriety. Through my research I finally realized that early diagnosis of most health problems is the key to successful treatment. I also figured out self diagnosis is impossible, and can create more problems and tons of anxiety.
I made a list of what concerned me the most in order, so I didn't get side tracked while talking to my doc. I made sure he gave me enough time to go through my entire list. I got blood work done that adressed all my self diagnosed health concerns, and the ones my doctor (with his years of school and experience) thought relevant. Lucky for me everything came back normal. Now here's the crazy part.....since I got the results back this flank pain I've been experiencing (the source of my self diagnosed kidney failure/pancreatic cancer/cirossis/ulcer/appendicitis etc...) is virtually gone. The mind is a powerful thing, and can lead us to really bad places if we let it.

DrunkenDonuts

Hi hillbillygirl! I have to say I can't quite understand your reticence to go to the doc if you can afford it.
There have to be doctors around who aren't associated with the hospital your relative works at. I know in Australia at least that doctors can only release your information with your permission or under certain circumstances, like self-harm.
Think about all that doctors have seen in their career. They will have seen a hell of a lot worse than you. It's not like you have stuck something somewhere embarrassing and can't get it out.
Most people (myself included) tend to think everyone else is judging them or thinking about them, when in fact they're probably thinking about themselves and worrying what you think of them.
I thought I had lung cancer a few years ago because of a constant dull ache behind my lung. I put off getting x-rays for ages because I was scared. One day I just bit the bullet and got it done. Turns out I had a crushed vertebra - not the best outcome, but not a death sentence either. I stopped smoking soon after that because I knew if I didn't I would probably get cancer in the future.
Anyway - The doc has seen worse than you by far. Hopefully they'll have a nice bedside manner as well

MelindaFlowers

I will admit that I am scared of doctors too. However, and this may seem obvious, now that I'm sober my worrying has gone way down because I know I'm not actively damaging my body.

That is been the biggest benefit to getting sober. Well, that and not having hangovers anymore. That's a blessing too.

Just to break it down really simply, you've been damaging your body. You can stop damaging your body. Our bodies heal.

hillbillygirl

Now here's the crazy part.....since I got the results back this flank pain I've been experiencing (the source of my self diagnosed kidney failure/pancreatic cancer/cirossis/ulcer/appendicitis etc...) is virtually gone. The mind is a powerful thing, and can lead us to really bad places if we let it.[/QUOTE]


You sound like me! I have self diagnosed...EVERYTHING. In my mind, I am surely dying.. every little twinge, pain, headache...is certain doom.
It has gotten out of hand, really, its to the point where I dont want to leave the house Which is why I want to go to the doctor so badly, I'm up this morning, trying to get myself pumped enough/not scared to take the plunge.
I think my mind is trying to tell me I feel well enough that I dont need to go, but I know if I dont I'll still feel like this, and I want and need some relief.

Thanks for being so supportive, it's encouraging to say the least.

zerothehero

Go whether you think you feel good or not. It's called prevention.

Just4quits

What gets me is how we accept our feelings as facts. So now you feel lime you don't need to go to the doctor. I do the exact same thing. The truth is feelings aren't facts!! They change like the weather and are never permanent.
You have established that you feel fear. now it's time to get those fears addressed with real facts from medical professionals. I waited 36 days before I went to my doctor. Many of those days were spent at home, unhappy and obsessed with negative thoughts. I will tell you the day after I got my real results my feelings made a complete turnaround. To the point I am actually planning for the future.
Life is what's going on outside of our heads, feelings are supposed to enhance that life, not confine us. Go get those answers you need from the doctor so you can move forward. I know how scary it is, but what is worse is being consumed by imaginary facts we create, holding us captive from living life.

hillbillygirl

I managed to get up, showered/dressed, drive to the doctors office, make it into the waiting room...only to be told they were booked and could not see me today!
It took every single bit of physical, mental and emotional strength I could muster to get to that point, and now I'm exhausted and still feel the same. I'm frustrated.

Soberwolf

Can you phone them to make an apt next time ?

Dont be frustrated your doing the right thing HBG

hillbillygirl

Yes, and I could have/should have today. It was my regular doc, but they allow walk-ins. I wasn't aware they are short doctors this week and next due to vacations. So I cannot be seen for at least another 2 weeks, which is extremely frustrating..Idk if I can attempt it again. I go to college and have class tomorrow its hard to focus when I'm so overwhelmingly worried. I was hoping to get some peace today.

Jen73

Hey HillbillyGirl,


Medication helps but, it is only temporary!!

I have also cope with my anxiety by doing yoga or taking walks. That helps me a lot!!

Think positive and go to the doctors and see what they say!! Sometimes, you have to challenge that fear of going!!

Think after you leave the doctors you have something to look forward, another day sober, cause you did this for you.

Just keep trying!!

jryan19982

Dr Google didnt go to medical school. Even WebMD didnt go to med school. Your mind can make you feel like you have a thousand things wrong, but when you get cleared of all this our mind really just lets up and you dont feel those bad things anymore. Stress can totally screw with you 100% of the time to make you think you are 100% dying of something.

Your DR isnt/shoudnt judge you. The reason they got into the medical field is to help you. They want you to be healthy and most physical ailments can be cured with medicines. When I first noticed I had a problem with drinking and drugs I thought everything I was feeling was something bad (liver failure, cancer etc)... then I got a full work up of blood tests and found I was healthy as a horse. Now that I am coming off a binge I swear I am dying all over again. It is almost time for my 6 month physical again and i will get all those same tests again. Funny though, that when I wasnt drinking, I didnt think I was dying of this and that. I was living!

Go in and be HONEST with your DR. And ask for a full blood work up. If you find you have high cholesterol so what, you can fix that. If you find out you have high blood pressure, so what, you can fix that too! What you cant sometimes fix is the ailments that you can get from continuing to drink. Continuing to drink might not ruin you today, tomorrow or in a year, but eventually it will catch up to you.

Put your fears at ease and go see your DR. It takes a 15 min appointment and a 2 minute blood draw to get a gauge on your health. And stay off Dr Google.

ElleDee

You should go. And you should be honest with your doctor. I recently (finally) did and it was such a freeing experience. Now she can really help me and your doctor won't (shouldn't!) judge you. With the new HIPPAA laws, your friend/relative should not have access to your records and if they do look up your information, they could be breaking the law. I would be more concerned about your health and less about the nosey friend/relative right now.

jryan19982

You can get your routine bloodwork done at a walk in clinic as well.

Anna

I'm sorry you can't get into your dr sooner. And, I had similar worries to you. My mind would grab onto something and take off on its own, especially in the first year of my recovery. It helped me to know and remember that my mind was just whirling away and I could detach enough to step back and 'observe', rather than get caught up in the fear. Another thing I realized is that most of us do things that are not the healthiest choices. If you look around you will likely see people who are smoking, eating fast food, sitting rather than moving around, not getting enough sleep and on and on. We're humans and we're not perfect.

hillbillygirl

I am having a really tough day today. I just had to talk myself out of getting in the car and going to buy some alcohol. Gin, to be precise... I just want to not ******* care. I want a self induced coma... I want to be sedated. I'm cracking.
I have been so positive and adamant up until this point. This moment of weakness is breaking my heart. I want ONE DAY of feeling good. ONE.
I'm not comfortable in my sober skin...I want out of my own body and head.

jryan19982

It took me a few weeks of sobriety to get that ONE FULL DAY of feeling good. It seemed like it was one step forward by two steps back. Its ok, we all get that way. What you need to do now, is just not drink. Do you have any happy movies you can watch? Something that will make you feel good?