Last Night at Dinner....
 

Went out with my Lady and her mom, for her mom's birthday.

We had a nice time, laughing and talking and enjoying the food.

Each of them had a glass of wine with dinner. I had water, with lemon in it.

But there I was, occasionally having a hard time looking at my Lady when she'd sip her wine, thinking to myself "well, a glass of wine would be nice. Is that really so bad? Could that really hurt? A glass of wine?".

This morning I'm headed to the hospital to volunteer as a speaker on the detox ward. I'm not going to let those thoughts grow in my head, so I'll share them as part of my talk with folks today.... and I needed to share them here to help keep them from taking root and quietly growing weeds in the garden of my sobriety.

For over a year now, things are better. No hangovers, no self-loathing, no wondering what I did. I'm healthier and sharper and more present in my life. I'm growing emotionally and I'm better able to be there for my family and my community and my self.

But there it is.... still.... a nice evening suddenly intruded upon and plagued by that old voice.

Have a good day, everyone!! Stay sober!

:ring

I'm so grateful to have a wife who doesn't drink.

Thank you for sharing. I'm newly sober after relapsing and since my last drunk is planted fresh in my head, I haven't had a "oh, just one couldn't hurt" thought yet but I'm on my guard as I know it'll happen.

Good for you for giving back to the community.

yeah... my Lady very seldom does. And when she does, she never gets drunk. She doesn't have more than one. In the two years we've been together, I haven't seen her drunk. She's told two stories about being drunk in her adult life.... and I think those are probably the only two drunk stories she has.

I'm grateful for her in my life in so many ways, and it definitely makes it a lot easier that most of the time, she'd prefer not to drink alcohol.

But she - like many adults in the world - can pick up a glass of wine or a beer from time to time, drink it gradually over the course of an hour-long meal, and not order another one or even want another one.

That hasn't seemed to be the case for me...... :)

Nice one, freeowl, we know when to kick the av in to touch.

Last night my boyfriend who is not an alcoholic brought home 1 beer after work, sometimes he has 3-4 but usually I'm in bed. Well last I was awake and seeing him drink that one beer was difficult for me.... I watched him drink that first sip. I could taste it. I had to leave the room. I got this deep, deep thirst. I'm only six weeks in so my triggers are probably still really close to the surface but I imagine they will always be there to some extent.

Thanks for posting that FreeOwl.

It has gotten much, much easier. And most of the time, I really don't have any of these thoughts.

Still comes back, now and then though. :)

The important thing is not acting on those thoughts or allowing them to grow. Sharing helps a lot.

:ring

"Went out with my Lady"

How romantic and respectfull
that sounds when you refer to
a woman as 'Lady'.

I like that even when my husband
refers me to as his 'Princess' :)

Recovery is AWESOME..!!!!

I even thought of having a sip of it when he left the room lol. That's when I left the room. Time for bed lol. I have been mostly craving and trigger free... there have been a few but I feel like that is to be expected giving up an addiction. They can be intense though... that thirst. I won't cave though. I want this too badly. I mean it when I say I will never drink again and I will never change my mind! It was killing me and I have too much to live for. :)

Yes
Yes
Yes

Blooming marleys ghost comes round and rattles his chains telling you lies …

Alcohol is a neurotoxin with good advertising , nothing more .
Once i let one glass past then at sometime using the same logic it's why not two ….

then eventually may as well finnish off that half bottle … or someone has left a bit in their glass i'll finish that as it seems a shame to "waste" it …

Then it's oh there is a bit left in this bottle at end of the night i may as well finnish that off …

Then there doesn't seem to be enough with one bottle better buy two ..

Then one with dinner , why not one before dinner to "get me in the mood"

I've heard it ALL before .. i've done it till i was sick to death with myself for being so repetitively boring ..

Give up , stay given up , don't even ask yourself the question , you've answered it to your complete satisfaction .

You don't sit there and ponder whats two plus two do you ? No you know the answer .

You know the answer to you and alcohol , don't even ask yourself the question you know the answer .

Keep on :You_Rock_

m

This morning I'm headed to the hospital to volunteer as a speaker on the detox ward. I'm not going to let those thoughts grow in my head, so I'll share them as part of my talk with folks today.... and I needed to share them here to help keep them from taking root and quietly growing weeds in the garden of my sobriety.

---- FreeOwl

Great post. Great sharing. "Not going to let those thoughts grow in my head, so I'll share them . . . need to share them to help keep them from taking root and growing weeds in the garden of my sobriety". Great stuff.

I was out to dinner last night too for my birthday. My gf doesn't drink, but we went to this nice byob place where every other table had multiple bottles of wine in fancy ice buckets. When I'm out, I'm usually acutely aware of what other people are drinking around me. After almost 2 years sober, that hasn't gone away yet. But the urge to have one myself? Doesn't happen anymore. I try to stay in the moment. I enjoy the company I'm with. The smell, taste and textures of the food. The good conversation. Wine isn't going to make any of this stuff better. Maybe it does for normal drinkers, but not for me. There's a level of acceptance that goes along with this. By a year sober, you've probably accepted that you can't drink like normal people. The next step is to accept that you can have just as much fun as everyone else without that glass of wine. This level of acceptance is so freeing and peaceful. It quiets the voice in social situations.

Definitely share what you're feeling at group level. Others will benefit from your ESH in dealing with these thoughts without drinking.

Nice one Freeowl.

Its the same for me, little reminders from my AV that its still there doing its thing. Guess it always will be. And thats OK, I'd far rather live with those fleeting moments of discomfort than give in and return to the chaos that my life was when I was drinking.

Keep on tending your "garden of sobriety" and you will be just fine my friend.

FreeOwl, I hope your speech goes well today, and I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner out last evening.

Hope everything goes well today FreeOwl, and great job on pushing through last night!! :You_Rock_

Great post, FreeOwl.

We never know when those naggy little thoughts will pop-up, do we.

it was an odd-ish morning at my hospital meeting, but I shared my experience from the other night - and also a lot of my broader story.

I received a lot from the folks on the ward, and I hope I gave them something too.

Still feeling a little run down the past few days and I'm conscious that maybe those nagging thoughts cropped up in part because I'm stretched a bit too thin and not caring for myself enough.

Every day is a gift, though.... and every day another chance to deepen sobriety and life.

:)

FreeOwl,

Last night I went out to a new restaurant with my wife, and directly in my line of view was a table of two couples apparently having a wonderful time, drinking wine, laughing, greeting friends as they came through the door. I heard that old voice too.

The operative part is the first sentence above: it is not coincidence that my life is better since I admitted myself into rehab and put the plug in the jug. Still, my brain occasionally goes into king baby mode and says, "but I want more." I now believe that life is a package deal. We (especially us A/A) don't get to order a la carte - to attempt to "just once" or "only a couple" on a special occasion is to throw out all the benefits that come from sobriety. We don't get "this" AND "that" - we must choose.

That old voice wants us to believe that it is possible to have both a better life and to drink "normally." In my few years of sobriety I have seen what happens to those that try to have both. I cannot know with certainty what would happen if I were to try to drink again, but I do not know a single person for whom that choice worked well. One friend died within weeks of his relapse.

I am not a particularly religious person, but I do believe we are created in gods image. Just as described in the creation story, we have the capacity to create great things in this life, to literally change the world through our actions. And each action is anchored in choice.

I choose sobriety.