Esspee

I am just beginning day 5. I have had four very 'up beat ready for this, bring it on, I can do this' days but have woken up on a total downer.

I live in a town where I don't know a huge amount of people. Well, I probably know more than I realise but not as proper 'friends'. I have people I occasionally grab a coffee with but that's once in a while, people I can say hello to in the street as I know them from church, I do some voluntary work a couple of times a month (it's of a night so more often isn't an option) so I see some people just on those nights.

I can go out the house and see lots of people every day but they are all strangers. I can 'socialise' on here (and have had an amazing amount of support and I've only been here a few days) but in 'real life' I feel lonely.

I have realised that I suffer from anxiety and it has had an impact on employment. If I am in one place in an office with other people around I panic and get restless and worry about doing things right, am I near the door if I feel ill (not that there is any reason for me to!) etc etc. As a result I work from home (that has 'dried up' but I have an interview for a 12 month contract on Thursday).

Even when I meet friends from coffee I'm sitting there on edge making sure I know where the door is, the bathroom is etc.

I have just this minute signed up for some evening classes at the local college - they start in September.

So I CAN see life ahead BUT at this precise moment in time I feel like it won't matter one way or the other to me or anyone else if I have a drink today.

I know it will - I will feel angry at myself, I will have let my son down (16 years old, important exam year at school and so supportive), I will potentially be delaying having a fulfilling life all for a 30 minute buzz and few hours of oblivion.

Please, please, please help me by telling me to pull myself together!!!

Thank you x

Mirage74

I think what you are experiencing are typical symptoms of withdrawal. It's why the first 5,7, even 30 days are so hard because you want to return to what you've used for so long to take all that anxiety away - booze. The irony is, it's alcohol withdrawal that's making that anxiety worse in the first place. It's an insidious cycle, one I've lived far too long. If you can tough out these first hard days, it gets better, as many here will tell you.

That little voice that's telling you it doesn't matter if you drink - it's a lie. Hang strong, good luck!

mecanix

Esspee,
Day 5 is great but it is very early in you sober journey . My emotions were whizzing round all over the place for the first 30 days .

The way i thought about it was that i knew what tomorrow would be like if i drank today i'd been there thousands of times as an adult …

Sober i didn't know what tomorrow would hold , i just knew i'd skip that horrible head and waking up wondering what i said or did the night before .

Anxiety is only exacerbated by drinking alcohol , thee feelings you are having now are not the fault of sobriety they are the longer term effects of alcohol on you …

Where you are is great , you've done well to get so far but where you are isn't the real deal with sobriety , do 90 days like the AA'ers tell us , then you'll see .

Keep on , stick with sobriety it's the best decision i ever made in my 40 years ,



m

Dee74

Things will work out Esspee - but it's gonna take a little more than 5 days.
Most of my first year was about getting sober staying sober and then building the life I wanted.

It sounds like a long time, but from this point I'm amazed as how much I did in so little time.

I'm sure you will be too - you already have all you need to make new friends - you

11 Ways to Make Friends as an Adult

D

Thepatman

Dee has a good point that made me think on how 20 years of drinking went by in a flash, and now time is slowed down to it's normal paste.

Patience is key. Us addicts are not particularly good at that, we wan't everything NOW.

Esspee

Thank you everyone x

I've been to the hairdresser and got a new style. I'm now going to buy an outfit a size down for when I lose the alco-pounds!

I'm over whatever it was a woke up with and will do this!!

Nonsensical

Count me in the crowd whose emotions were all over the map for the first few months. It's part of the sickness of addiction, and it definitely gets better!

AddictGuy

Esspee,

Coming off of alcohol seems to kinda wake up our nerves and they go super awake and we can end up jumping at our own shadows, much like if there is just too much stress in our lives and we don't have the emotional cushions -- like they have been worn through. Overload. And then we freak.

Anyway, I never really get past having to keep an eye on my runaway fears and high-alert status. And so I have had to find ways to help myself with that. The shrinks wanted to put me on meds but I have seen and heard enough about that to scare me off, so it had to be something "clean" for me.

As I woke this morning, even though I have been sober for a few years, I can wake up anxious and feeling under attack from my own mind and I have found things that really seem to make a difference and that difference can happen anywhere from immediately to over a course of a few days but the difference is like "Aw, finally, I am feeling better and all is not so stark and immediate and threatening anymore." I want to share with you a mantra that I made up and use that settles me and gives me a different view of things and the more I need it, the more I use it and the deeper it resonates with me each time to beautiful effect, one deep slow breath for each. Here it is:

An appreciation for the beauty of all things
Confidence in my ability to deal with whatever comes down the pike for me
Faith in favorable outcomes and dreams come true
And always: Gratitude

I just repeat those four lines over and over whenever I think of it, or feel stressed and it really, really works. It calms me, gets me looking for the good, and I can begin to see that, in their own ways, everything really is beautiful. Even tragedy, even fear, even loneliness.

But there are beautiful things all around us, if we see them as beautiful and there are calming things and there are things to be grateful for, and we do have our abilities to cope and good things can and do come our way, especially if the good things are the things we look for. How we see things is our best friend or our worst enemy depending on if we choose to see the good or the bad. The frightening or the calming. It is our mind and it is our choice.

courage2

I think that's a normal feeling but it's completely WRONG!

You have no idea whom it might matter to. There are friends you'll only meet tomorrow, next month, or in September if you're sober today. There are ways your son will need you, and you'll only be there for him if you stay sober today. Because today becomes tomorrow, and, and.

Having a drink today isn't just today. Stay strong and build the sobriety you need for a wonderful future!

newpage119

That's the spirit! Enjoy and celebrate your success!!!

Ruby2

spee, I'm glad you are feeling better. a new style always helps me.

The first time I quit drinking I was not planning to quit, I was quite I'll and didn't understand that a lot of the physical feelings I was experiencing were withdrawal. Really bad anxiety and panic attacks. Even at ten days I was having them but I had been drinking some. You have five days of no alcohol. I think you are doing really well. Just have some patience.

I also have some days where I awake feeling like the world is going to end. That fwing passes once I get moving.

Good job on keeping your spirits up.

least

My emotions were all over the place in early recovery. It takes time to settle down. Give yourself time and good treatment and it will pass.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 5 & on the new hairstyle