Tetra

Well, I called my therapist and I told him the same thing.

That I wish to be more proactive in my recovery, instead of sitting back and being told what to do by everyone.

I also said that I don't wish to live like a teenager any more and that I don't wish to be shouted at all weekend and be threatened with being put in a home.

He said he understands, and that being put away somewhere isn't on the cards.

He asked me to drop by for a chat on Monday.

So we'll see.

Thank you all for your advice.

Vandermast

theres some really goog advice here tetra

these people know what they are talking about

ive had many relapses

also got sober

time to grow up honey

v

Carlotta

aasharon90

I began drinking in my teens and as was
explained to me when I entered recovery
24yrs ago at the age of 30, our minds
or emotions stop maturing when we take
that very first drink.

It was like I emotionally stopped maturing.

So at 30 when I entered recovery and had
my last drink of alcohol, my emotions were
in infancy mode at a teenagers age.

As long as I didn't drink, my emotions
slowly began to mature over the course
of 24yrs sober. Now im here at 56yrs old
and ive mentally, emotionally matured
to the rip old age of, hmmmm I wonder...lol

You are in ur 30's now, but each time you
drink, emotionally you stop growing. Does
that make sense? In order to grow up and
get away from our immatureness, we need
to admit and accept we have an addiction
to alcohol or drugs, get into recovery and
grow in a healthier, happier, honest person
we are meant to be.

I think the word im looking for is Responsibility.

I had to listen, learn, absorb and apply
a recovery program taught to me so
that I could grow up and be my own person.

You can too.

Nowsthetime

Lots of good advice. I'm also here reading Tetra.

People will do to you what you let them do to you. It's hard to disengage but we need to learn how to do it. I try to step outside of myself and be objective so that I don't get wrapped in the situation. It's hard but we need to fight within for ourselves.

You have come a long way and it's your life. Make it how you want it to be!!!
We are here for you.

N.

lunar

Huh?????
Hang in there, Tetra.
Excuse me, but maybe your mom needs to be placed in a home.

Anna

Tetra, I am going to say what I've said to you before.

Your parents are toxic. Stay away from them.

You are 34, and capable of working and paying your own way.

Soberwolf

I totally agree with Anna Tetra

Wastinglife

Go stay with the friend! You need support and compassion, not condemnation. Don't forget to come here often if you need to talk.

Niamh

You can do it Tetra. You've made some good calls and decisions just now. Be strong. You know what the right path is.

Soberpotamus

Well done on being assertive

Tetra

Well, I just talked to my Grandmother who said it's okay to stumble as long as you learn from it and get up again. You didn't hurt yourself or anyone, you didn't kill anyone.

Every day, I go to work and I wonder is this the day I'm going to get fired?

My boss wanted to meet me today to talk about some extra work she wants me to do. She said "you always look so worried when I mention meeting up. There's really nothing to worry about". She also said that the other girls were upset when they heard I had a job interview.

I didn't know this would be so tiring.

SoberLeigh

I am sorry to hear about the relapse and that the interview went so poorly, Tetra.

Congratulations on your decision not to visit your parents this weekend. Your Mom's behavior seems so unhealthy.

I hope you can surround yourself with healthy and supportive people.

brighterlife

Tetra xx
I'm sad you have relapsed, however you got straight back on here...I have been following you're posts for a long time and I don't agree with others saying your parents are 'toxic' etc I'm sure they are loving parents that feel they are helping you and that you love them too. They aren't though are they? They aren't alcoholics and they don't understand? Have you mentioned alanon to them? If you're feeling smothered or worrying too much about your parents feelings rather than your own, I say put some space between you. Take time to think of YOU. How YOU feel, how YOU will act. I can actually relate to you so well and I understand x

Fandy

Repeatedly threatening your 34 year old that she needs to be monitored 24/7 (aka being put in a home), is not the act of a "loving parent", it's a form of controlling and sounds hideously abusive.

They have zero respect for your accomplishments and the strides you make towards living independently. Get yourself a long term plan in place to live YOUR life, not theirs. if you cannot cut off contact with them, LIMIT the time to visit, make your own routine, don't bow to theirs or you will forever be questioning yourself.

biminiblue

I missed the part where you explained why you are going for job interviews? Are you trying to move up in your career or is it that you are afraid of your current situation disappearing? Your current boss doesn't sound like they are considering firing you, they are offering you more work which generally means they value your contributions.

It seems that you are living your life in fear. Fear of your parents' judgment. Fear of your therapist's judgment. Fear of your boss's judgment. When I start living in fear, everything goes to Hell in a handbasket, and it's just miserable to be me.

Snap out of it! You got yourself a good job. You started standing up to your parents. Be that woman. Confidence and peace looks really good on you.

Gilmer

^^^ This!

Hawkeye13

I'm glad you stood up to your parents Tetra--
that's a big step forward.
It sounds like the real helpers on your team
are your grandma and your therapist.
Your parents really are toxic--I know you
are close with your father, but he lets your mother abuse
you so staying away from both of them as much as possible will
help you in your recovery.

Keep turning your stumble into forward momentum.
You can do it.

RevivingOphelia

Why not? After everything I've read from Tetra, and their treatment of her, that's exactly what they need to hear and then RADIO SILENCE from her for awhile. Might show them she's her own person and is able to defend herself against, especially, that awful mother. Might not be the most "mature" response, but, at this point, Tetra is a passive child in their eyes and a statement telling them where they can go might be just the catalyst for change she needs. I think there's value in using a well-placed profanity when warranted.

Just b/c they are parents, doesn't mean they are allowed to treat her in an abusive manner. If I was getting abused, I'd have zero regrets about telling them to EFF off no matter what relationship we may share.

Tetra--rooting for you and hope you cut those ties that bring you down.

tomsteve

Took the words right off of my mind.

It reads like theres some people getting upset because they are afraid of losing their hostage. You are no longer meeting their ransom and they don't like it.
But the great news is that's their problem and not yours!!

All that low self esteem and fear is controlling you. Although you have it, it isn't who you are,tetra.
It's tiring because it's change. Yer finally using courage to use your backbone to stand up for yourself. Something I'm going to assume you haven't one in a long time.

Id suggest, if that's what yer boss said, to stop worrying about being fired. Your performance at work might not be meeting your own expectations but apparently it is meeting and/or exceeding your bosses.
So let it go!

Fear=
F**k Everything And Run
Or
Face Everything And Recover.

Give time time.