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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 24
New here
Hi everyone!! A little background on myself. My husband and I have known each other for many years and will be married for 10 years in April. We have 4 beautiful and healthy daughters. From the outside, we appear to be the all
American family but little does anyone realize, we are not. My husband has been addicted to pain pills for over 6 years and it is destroying me!! I am a very strong person but for some reason, lately I just can't handle
It. I have read hundreds of forms on this site and so many sound just like what I am going through. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this because our families have no idea that anything is going on. But as the days are going on, I am finding that this burden is getting to bad to handle on my own. I didn't realize that it was possible to love and hate someone. One day I love him and feel terrible for
Him. The next day I am so mad at him that I can't even look him in the eyes. I just don't understand how an addiction can make a person spend money that we don't have on pills and not feel bad about doing so. It really floors me and I simply don't understand! I have confronted him over the years which results in him crying and saying he will stop. So he stops for a few months and then starts right back up. I don't want to leave him. I know it would be very hard on our girls but then again, I can't live the rest of my life this way. I see that it is not fair to me at all. I deserve to be happy and I see that now. But at the same time, I don't want to rip my family apart. We have never fought much at all and our girls have never seen us fight. So they think that we have a perfect marriage. Other than darn pain pill, we do. So I guess the reason I am writing is to hear from someone that is in my shoes. I need someone to vent to that understands my frustration yet my love for my husband. Thank you for reading!!!:
American family but little does anyone realize, we are not. My husband has been addicted to pain pills for over 6 years and it is destroying me!! I am a very strong person but for some reason, lately I just can't handle
It. I have read hundreds of forms on this site and so many sound just like what I am going through. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this because our families have no idea that anything is going on. But as the days are going on, I am finding that this burden is getting to bad to handle on my own. I didn't realize that it was possible to love and hate someone. One day I love him and feel terrible for
Him. The next day I am so mad at him that I can't even look him in the eyes. I just don't understand how an addiction can make a person spend money that we don't have on pills and not feel bad about doing so. It really floors me and I simply don't understand! I have confronted him over the years which results in him crying and saying he will stop. So he stops for a few months and then starts right back up. I don't want to leave him. I know it would be very hard on our girls but then again, I can't live the rest of my life this way. I see that it is not fair to me at all. I deserve to be happy and I see that now. But at the same time, I don't want to rip my family apart. We have never fought much at all and our girls have never seen us fight. So they think that we have a perfect marriage. Other than darn pain pill, we do. So I guess the reason I am writing is to hear from someone that is in my shoes. I need someone to vent to that understands my frustration yet my love for my husband. Thank you for reading!!!:
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what brings you here.
We have an active Friends and Family section:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Lot of folks who have gone through and are going through exactly what you are.
We have an active Friends and Family section:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Lot of folks who have gone through and are going through exactly what you are.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I think you need to talk to someone - if it can't be your family, then a therapist, Al Anon, your pastor. Keeping this huge secret is not going to solve the problem.
Have you looked for Al Anon meetings in your area? Celebrate Recovery is good too, if you are a spiritual person.
Have you looked for Al Anon meetings in your area? Celebrate Recovery is good too, if you are a spiritual person.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Lost,
I know exactly what you are going through. I'm going through it right now. My husband and I have been married for ten years and he is addicted to crack cocaine. The being so angry you can't look at him. Spending the money we don't have. The lies, deceipt and hiding. From friends, family, from everyone. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
You will need more support in real life to deal with this. Trust me. I've been through this for a very long time. The periods where my husband is sober and fine and then the relapse I could see a mile away. Can your husband do treatment? Is he even interested in quitting? Because until he wants to stop nothing you say or do will stop him. You can only take care of yourself and your girls at this point. Please. Take care of you and lose focus on your husband. I find that I get so worried and afraid that I give my two children short shrift and it isn't fair to them or me.
Hugs.
I know exactly what you are going through. I'm going through it right now. My husband and I have been married for ten years and he is addicted to crack cocaine. The being so angry you can't look at him. Spending the money we don't have. The lies, deceipt and hiding. From friends, family, from everyone. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
You will need more support in real life to deal with this. Trust me. I've been through this for a very long time. The periods where my husband is sober and fine and then the relapse I could see a mile away. Can your husband do treatment? Is he even interested in quitting? Because until he wants to stop nothing you say or do will stop him. You can only take care of yourself and your girls at this point. Please. Take care of you and lose focus on your husband. I find that I get so worried and afraid that I give my two children short shrift and it isn't fair to them or me.
Hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 24
Hi ruby2!!! I was hoping that I would hear from someone like you! Well, when I have brought it up, he always says that he can stop with treatment. But he can't. He has tried and can never stay away from them
Longer than a few months. Then, when I start to notice huge amounts of money being withdrawn from our bank account, it's then I say something. I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of dealing with it all together!!! I don't really
Have the want to ask him about it anymore. I just want it
To go away. I am tired of playing detective trying to figure out if he has or has not taken pills because depending on what I figure out depends on how I have to act and handle him. The whole walking on egg shells all the time it proving to be far too
Much for me! I just don't know that there is an easy fix to
This situation. Thank you again for replying to me. I see that I am not alone.
Longer than a few months. Then, when I start to notice huge amounts of money being withdrawn from our bank account, it's then I say something. I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of dealing with it all together!!! I don't really
Have the want to ask him about it anymore. I just want it
To go away. I am tired of playing detective trying to figure out if he has or has not taken pills because depending on what I figure out depends on how I have to act and handle him. The whole walking on egg shells all the time it proving to be far too
Much for me! I just don't know that there is an easy fix to
This situation. Thank you again for replying to me. I see that I am not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Welcome to the forum, Lost. Glad you found us.
Al-Anon has helped many. Why not try a meeting and see for yourself.
You do need to be able to talk about your feelings with someone.
Pray and get help for yourself and your girls. Your husband needs to do the same for Himself.
There is help and hope if you look for it.
Al-Anon has helped many. Why not try a meeting and see for yourself.
You do need to be able to talk about your feelings with someone.
Pray and get help for yourself and your girls. Your husband needs to do the same for Himself.
There is help and hope if you look for it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 98
Welcome lost
My partner is an addict in recovery ( 11 months clean and sober) he was reliant on pain medication as well as other drugs. He was so adamant he was in pain and I believed him. He also believed his own lies. I know what you're going through. If you want to pm me please do. There can be an end to the madness. I NEVER thought my partner would do it. But the memories of his active addiction are still raw...glad to 'meet' you and stay close to this site
My partner is an addict in recovery ( 11 months clean and sober) he was reliant on pain medication as well as other drugs. He was so adamant he was in pain and I believed him. He also believed his own lies. I know what you're going through. If you want to pm me please do. There can be an end to the madness. I NEVER thought my partner would do it. But the memories of his active addiction are still raw...glad to 'meet' you and stay close to this site
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 24
Thank you everyone! There are some days I feel all alone and that I am the only one dealing with a situation like this. It's nice to come here and read stories that are similar to mine and also those that are not. I try to learn about addicts and how they think so educate myself about my husbands actions. Over the last several months, I have kind of put him on the back burner. Not because I don't care but because I was spending hours a day reading stories and researching addiction. I was playing detective which was consuming my day. I turn my negative energy into positive energy which makes my days a lot better for myself. Deep down, I feel terrible for all people struggling with addiction. I see that it's a terrible horrible monster that takes over many people. Never did I think that my husband would fall into the dark hole. With that bring said, I still can't help but resent him for becoming addicted to pain pills. I am so hurt by the last 6 years of lies and the thousands of dollars that have been wasted that I don't think I will fully overcome how he has made me feel. I am a religious person so I do forgive him which is not an easy thing to do but I still hurt from what he has done. Thank you for listening! Just needed to vent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 24
Thank you everyone! There are some days I feel all alone and that I am the only one dealing with a situation like this. It's nice to come here and read stories that are similar to mine and also those that are not. I try to learn about addicts and how they think so educate myself about my husbands actions. Over the last several months, I have kind of put him on the back burner. Not because I don't care but because I was spending hours a day reading stories and researching addiction. I was playing detective which was consuming my day. I turn my negative energy into positive energy which makes my days a lot better for myself. Deep down, I feel terrible for all people struggling with addiction. I see that it's a terrible horrible monster that takes over many people. Never did I think that my husband would fall into the dark hole. With that bring said, I still can't help but resent him for becoming addicted to pain pills. I am so hurt by the last 6 years of lies and the thousands of dollars that have been wasted that I don't think I will fully overcome how he has made me feel. I am a religious person so I do forgive him which is not an easy thing to do but I still hurt from what he has done. Thank you for listening! Just needed to vent.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Lost, you are definitely not alone. Glad you found us, however, sorry about the situation you find your self in.
You can only control your actions and taking care of your girls / yourself must come first. Everything else is second and if your husband truly loves his kids he will understand that. He might not want to change or feel it necessary but he will understand that you must do what's in the kid's best interest.
He knows he has a problem, trust me. I spent years and years knowing I had a problem but sweeping it under the rug until I wanted to be free of that burden; for me and my family.
Do what's best for you and your girls; everything else will fall into place.
You can only control your actions and taking care of your girls / yourself must come first. Everything else is second and if your husband truly loves his kids he will understand that. He might not want to change or feel it necessary but he will understand that you must do what's in the kid's best interest.
He knows he has a problem, trust me. I spent years and years knowing I had a problem but sweeping it under the rug until I wanted to be free of that burden; for me and my family.
Do what's best for you and your girls; everything else will fall into place.
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