simplex

It's been a while since I have posted because I haven't made any progress since 2011. I'm writing because I'm now accepting the fact that I'm physically dependent on alcohol. I noticed this after driving the other day after not having a drink for 15 hrs. I had a panic attack and thought I was going to crash on the way to my friends house. I still kept drinking that night as I was going to a Super Bowl party.

The next day I woke up and finished a half bottle of wine and two beers at my friends to drive home. But I didnt go home I went to a bar, ate, and had maybe 3 drinks. A friend met me and we bought a bottle of fireball and a 12 pack and drank the rest of the night.

I swore that was it two days ago but I drank again tonight. I am not driving myself but I am considering having my dd take me the hospital if nothing else as a start to detox. Im scared to drink anymore and scared to stop. Ive been holding so many lies about how bad it is.

Dee74

It not a good place to be simplex...but this is an opportunity to finally put an end to this horror cycle.

Reach out for help - whether it's your Dr or some kinf=d of recovery programme or rehab.

what are you prepared to do?

D

FeelingGreat

Hi simplex, you're certainly drinking at a level where it would pay to get medical advice before you stop, as judging from your post you might have some dangerous withdrawal symptoms.
Whatever method you use, do something as carrying on drinking is a dead end path. You'll get plenty of support from SR people who have been through the same thing.

Soberwolf

Detox sounds like a good idea

Esspee

Accepting you need to do something is a big step. Definitely go and see a medical professional and good luck

1standlast

Simplex, it will get easier. I recently fell off the wagon and am now getting back on. The panic attacks are brutal. But if you can get through the next few days sober it gets easier. But there are more good days than bad in!
Doctor consultations are a very good idea. The er worked for me last time.
Good luck! We are all here for you.

simplex

I cant get through more than 1 day anymore. My family is going to be so disappointed. But I cant do this anymore. Ive lost everything. Im scared. God im sorry

Dee74

Sitting in despair is understandable but it's not going to change anything.

Why not take any one of the suggestions here and try something different Simplex?
At this point what do you have to lose?

D

jagger2012

You have nothing to be sorry for and don't add the weight of others perceptions...doesn't matter and if it isn't helping get rid of it.

You're clearly on the right path by posting here! This is G O O D!

We don't get ourselves into this overnight and won't fix it overnight. Relax and see your doctor, devise a plan and stick to it and understand it's gonna take work. You can and will do it my friend...

PurpleKnight

You can turn this around Simplex!!

The first step you've done, admitting there's a problem, the next step is getting some help!!

You can do this!!

SoberLeigh

The hospital and detox sounds like a good plan. The hospital will likely be able to help transition you to a rehab.

You deserve a better life, a better future. Go for it, simplex.

simplex

Thanks everyone for posting. I wnt through a rough weekend but finally stopped Sunday afternoon after getting news my aunt and her husband were killed in a car wreck. I had to be driven to console family bc I was intoxicated.

Ive been sober all day but cant sleep. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to seek help and advice on safely quitting. Going to be as honest as possible and willing to do whatever it takes.

Looking forward to posting more good or bad. This site really aided me during my last stint of sobriety. Thanks

Dee74

I'm very sorry for your loss Simplex.

D

Soberwolf

Sorry for your loss Simplex you can pm anytime

Ruby2

Simplex, I feel for you. What you described with the panic attack while driving after not having a drink for 15 hours is exactly what I went through 12 years ago. It was crippling. You, at least, are smarter than me because you realize it for what it is. Withdrawal. I thought it was something entirely different. I kept drinking. When I finally figured it was withdrawal, I still kept drinking and it got worse.

You can turn this around. Seeing your doctor is a great start. Be completely honest with your doctor about how much you are really drinking and what is happening. Don't sugar coat things like I did. "Oh, just a few. Here and there." I kept going until finally giving up in December 2013. I haven't had panic attacks. Anxiety once in a while but utterly manageable.

My sympathies to you and your family on the death of your aunt.

wpainterw

You haven't lost everything. You've finally found some insight. Let's hope that it's your first step on the road to recovery. You're not "giving up" alcohol. You're getting rid of it, getting it out of your life, getting out of slavery. You're on the road to getting the most precious gift of all: Sobriety. Good luck.

W.

Anna

I'm so glad that you have stopped drinking and that you are going to talk to your dr. It's a very scary time, I know, but you can do this.

biminiblue

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

You can do it. Asking for help is the first step.

We're here if you want to talk.

SoberLeigh

Simplex, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your family members.

Keep coming back; we are here for you.

simplex

Thank you for the condolences and the replies they've really helped. I'm looking forward to be in solid condition for myself and my family in the next few days.

I didn't get very much sleep at all last night, maybe an hour, but I managed to make my Dr. appointment and was honest about my intake. He gave me an anxiety medication which has helped in the past and something for panic attacks, and which he said would help withdrawals early on and suggested AA as well. He also referred me to a psychiatrist that would be in my insurance network (tried one before whom I liked, but was paying out of pocket and kept having to miss.)

So I feel like it was a good start but just a start. I got a lot done after the appointment and felt good. But then I got home and saw a large half bottle of wine in the door I'd forgotten about. It was really hard and I agonized over it for about an hour but I poured the whole thing out and feel better. Ugh, it was so strange feeling like it was a bad idea pouring it out, it actually made me wince. Weird.