Exegesis

Hey guys. I'm one month and 3 days which is the longest I've made it in ten years. Feel like it might actually stick this time. I've having some real difficulty managing my emotions. Here's the situation.

I've had sex with a lot of different women over the spam of my drinking career. Mostly alcoholics themselves. Few of which I had any connection with aside from alcohol. I haven't really had a crush on anyone for the last ten years as I usually am too consumed with self hatred to actually develop feelings for anyone and especially to think those feelings might be reciprocated. But now I met someone.

She's a girl in my class, I go to film school. And I really like her but the way this is manifesting is intense anger. She's come to a few of my comedy shows and there have been other signs that she's interested in me but we haven't actually gone on a date yet. But just thinking about her makes me so angry and I don't know what that feeling is. I've heard that alcohol freezes the part if your brain that deals with emotion and when alcoholics get sober they can have very overwhelming emotions. I also don't know if this is a normal reaction cause I haven't actually cared for someone romantically since I was 17 and in high school before I seriously started drinking.

I guess I'm just mainly looking for anyone who has had a similar experience as this is driving me crazy. I don't know if these feelings are normal or a result of alcohol detox. I've been getting angry over a lot of things and I don't know if it's just because I'm an angry person or I'm just finally turning my anger outwards instead of inwards. I don't feel anger towards her, just the situation. When most people were figuring out how to date I was drinking myself into oblivion. I'm 27 and decent looking, but I've only ever had one girlfriend. Every other woman I've slept with has been the result of alcohol and bad decisions.

Ruby2

I think this can be broken down into a couple of parts. First the anger bit. I stuffed my emotions for so long I forgot what it was like feeling them without alcohol numbing me. When I first got sober I went through periods of intense rage. I hated everyone and everything. I was all over the place. It evened out as time went by and I became more adept at discerning where it was coming from. It isn't uncommon for this to happen.

Now, the bit about the girl. I truly believe we stop maturing emotionally when we start drinking. I too slept with a lot of people when I was drinking and before I got married. It was mostly people I met in bars and it isn't something I look back on with any sense of pride. I didn't know how to have a real, caring relationship. It was frustrating and made me angry that I was making poor choices.

I think its great that you have a month sober under your belt but I think its too early to get involved in a relationship or to consider dating
You are still learning how to navigate this life without beer goggles on. Relationships are almost by definition stressful at first. Coping with learning and questioning might be difficult at this time.

If you want to date someone meaningfully and make connections you have to able to offer yourself but you are still learning and defining who you are. Maybe ask her out for coffee but I would leave it at friendly talks. You have all these thoughts swirling through your head. Expectations that this girl knows nothing about. What if she can't meet them? In early sobriety I wouldn't have been able to navigate that disappointment.

It gets better but at 27 you have time. Trust me on not rushing into things or being impatient on your progress. Good job on your time. A month is awesome.

mecanix

Rage was pritty bad for me for the first 6 - 8 weeks .
Like a fish struggling in a net we just work ourselves tighter, I had to learn how to back down from myself , from my anger , unclench the fists and jaw , hold the car steering wheel less tightly .
un hunch my shoulders , cool myself down , back off a bit …

I left dating and that bit of life for about 12 months , someone really nice who dosnt drink came along after about 24 months .

Keep on with your sobriety , learn how to deal with the emotions you have … Inflicting these negative emotions on people isn't terribly fair, learn to deal with them first .

keep on

m

Exegesis

Thanks. I think that's exactly what I needed to hear. I just didn't really want hear it. I'm always amazed at how wonderful this community of strangers is.

ChancesAh

You seriously need to see a qualified counsellor. Your emotions could be caused by any number of unresolved issued and it's extremely common in many people like yourself and me that some of the sources and reasons are hidden from your reality as you don't understand how they are affecting you. It's even possible that the anger for her is resentment at yourself for being an alcoholic and not feeling worthy.
See professional and give yourself the best chance possible with this girl.
Good luck

PurpleKnight

For me 1 month in my head/emotions were still all over the place, still trying to get Sobriety at the top of the agenda, dealing with cravings, new routines/habits, it was all pretty chaotic!!

I had to learn who I was again, and I also hated myself which created a lot of anger, I therefore needed to learn to love myself, how could I expect anyone else to if I didn't even like myself?

The overriding principle in all of this, is dealing with a knock back, is that going to affect your Sobriety or do you need to build up a few more Sober muscles, don't compromise your Sobriety for anyone or anything if that would be the case!!