Newbie Introduction Here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 8
Newbie Introduction Here.
Hi all,
Looking for any kind of support I can get. My drinking started roughly 4 years ago. I am 34 years old now. I was never much of a drinker before. My drinking started because I was having an affair and I couldn't deal with what I was doing to my wife. I didn't even really know why. Like drinking does, it became progressively worse. My highest intake is usually a pint of whiskey and then I black out. Needless to say, I lost my wife. We have been separated for 3 years. She won't even speak to me at this point. Now I live with my girlfriend and she is insanely triggering to me. We fight all the time and I secretly blame her for my drinking and for losing my wife. I can go up to two days sober with Ativan or Xanax to help me calm down. The days after I drink, my anxiety is out of control. I have panic attacks when I teach and I can barely keep it together. I am in outpatient rehab and it helps very little. However, they have told me I don't drink enough to warrant inpatient detox. I generally don't start drinking until 7 pm. I then drink until I pass out. Apparently not good enough for inpatient? I would also lose my job if I was gone for 2 weeks because I am only an adjunct professor with no benefits. I feel like I am very good at asking for help but the system keeps me from getting the help.
Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and thank everyone in advance for any help offered.
Looking for any kind of support I can get. My drinking started roughly 4 years ago. I am 34 years old now. I was never much of a drinker before. My drinking started because I was having an affair and I couldn't deal with what I was doing to my wife. I didn't even really know why. Like drinking does, it became progressively worse. My highest intake is usually a pint of whiskey and then I black out. Needless to say, I lost my wife. We have been separated for 3 years. She won't even speak to me at this point. Now I live with my girlfriend and she is insanely triggering to me. We fight all the time and I secretly blame her for my drinking and for losing my wife. I can go up to two days sober with Ativan or Xanax to help me calm down. The days after I drink, my anxiety is out of control. I have panic attacks when I teach and I can barely keep it together. I am in outpatient rehab and it helps very little. However, they have told me I don't drink enough to warrant inpatient detox. I generally don't start drinking until 7 pm. I then drink until I pass out. Apparently not good enough for inpatient? I would also lose my job if I was gone for 2 weeks because I am only an adjunct professor with no benefits. I feel like I am very good at asking for help but the system keeps me from getting the help.
Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and thank everyone in advance for any help offered.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 8
Hi Della,
Just groups. And most of the time they trigger me to drink oddly enough.
I do see a therapist weekly. I was supposed to go today, but naturally my hangover kept me home all day and I missed it. Very disappointed in myself.
Just groups. And most of the time they trigger me to drink oddly enough.
I do see a therapist weekly. I was supposed to go today, but naturally my hangover kept me home all day and I missed it. Very disappointed in myself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
I couldn't stay sober till I really faced some harsh truths about myself. You can't forgive and accept till you acknowledge certain things. Also joining groups here had given me some accountability. I have no problem letting myself down but I hate to let down others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 8
Della,
Thank you for your responses and hello to a fellow New Yorker.
What kinds of things did you have to face? When I stop drinking for a day or so, the thoughts of what I have done come back and I feel like I can't take it.
Thank you for your responses and hello to a fellow New Yorker.
What kinds of things did you have to face? When I stop drinking for a day or so, the thoughts of what I have done come back and I feel like I can't take it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Basically the same....things I have done, people I have hurt, blame I had transferred from myself to others to make myself feel better. I was my own worst enemy. Only recently have I begun to forgive myself. I like me now I am not to the point I love myself yet. Accepting I can't change the past but the future is wide open and without alcohol a lot brighter.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello: poke around and read a lot. Post anytime you need to. I have learned a lot here and it has empowered me to beat this. There are many threads of guilt etc. The past bothers all of us but today soon will be the past so we need to focus on today to make it a good past. These things will drag you down if you don't let them go but to let them go you have to face them first. Not easy.
Use this resource. It's great!
Use this resource. It's great!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Support real;ly helps. I'm not sure I could have done more than a few days without this community.
Read around, post as much as you like, and look at what others are doing.
Ask as many questions as you need to
D
Read around, post as much as you like, and look at what others are doing.
Ask as many questions as you need to
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Great to meet you maxim! I think it'll be a great help for you to be here. We all understand and empathize. You never have to feel alone, and someone is always around. Happy to have you join us - you can do this.
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