Duckguy

Good morning.

So, I'm 17 days sober today. I won't drink today. I'm doing well, and committed, but am starting to feel the motivation slide a little and the AV pick up.

On Sunday the 8th I leave for a conference that lasts 4 days. I have never been to a conference (and I've been to maybe 50) where I did not drink, and drink heavily. Everyone drinks at these. Alcohol is ubiquitous.

I am taking this challenge on, and I am committed to not drinking. But I know many of you have been there and I would like your suggestions on things to do, think, and so forth when I feel the pull of the drink. Thank you for your advice.

doggonecarl

Only to the drinking alcoholic.

Let me ask the obvious. Is this a conference you have to attend. I mean do you have an absolutely life or death need to go?

Because if not, I'd stay home.

leviathan

when in the drinking setting, keep your non-alc choice of drink filled. first few times out i drank my non-alc drink like i was dying of thirst. up several times that night to bathroom, but NOT hungover. LOL!

Duckguy

Life or death? No. But I paid for it all before I quit drinking, and if I didn't go now I'd have to refund the hotel, registration, and airfare. >$1,000. So I do indeed need to go.

I can do this. Just need good mental tools.

Coldfusion

I am faced with a retreat coming up where there will be drinking at dinner. I won't have access to the internet or meetings, so I am taking a recovery book which always inspires me. At dinner, I will be sure to keep a club soda nearby at all times--something to occupy my hand-to-mouth reflex.

Duckguy

Thanks, Leviathan! I have heard tonic water, or soda water, is a good choice. I will exercise my muscle memory and drink a lot of N/A drinks. That helps me at home, it will help then too.

Jupiters

write a list of all the reasons you DON'T drink and what happens when you do.
Fold it up and keep it on you. Read it privately somewhere if the urges kick in (eg. head to men's room for a few minutes)

Duckguy

Oh, I like that Jupiters!

I have already asked a friend if I text them "remind me" to send me replies with the reasons I quit. I told them to be harsh, like "Remember that time you made me cry because you were loaded and such a jerk?"

Hope that will help if I need it.

MsJax

This is probably for your job, right? Can you make yourself some plans for your free time? Massage, workouts, areas to hike and explore? AA meetings? Check out meetup.com, maybe go to a fun movie night or coffee klatch with meetup members? I feel if you have to go, do your work responsibilities and then find ways to nurture yourself and grow and strengthen your sobriety You'll feel so happy and proud of yourself when you get home. Best wishes.

Anna

I can only give you my opinion. It's not essential for your job to go to this conference. It's a choice. I would not go. My recovery is worth more than a thousand dollars and, I might have made it through the conference, but I would be drinking on the way home. That's me.

MyShadow

Man l didnt think about this. I have one coming up in June. Great job on 17 days.

biminiblue

We think "everyone drinks" - but in fact not everyone drinks. That is our crazy brain finding the people who do drink and deciding to identify with those people.

There are lots of people at the conference who won't be drinking. That lady with the wine glass? Maybe it's cranberry juice. That guy with the vodka/tonic? Maybe it's just tonic. You just think everyone drinks.

Soberwolf

Well done on day 17 Duckguy if your going to attend & do not want to drink id say remember what has kept you going these last 17 days

You havnt drunk for 17 days your not going to drink for this same reason

Make sure you have SR on your mobile, have an exit plan if you start to get cravings/urges, Have somebody you can phone who knows your sober

in all honesty at 17 days i just wouldnt go and im sure youl get refunds they wont take full amount ?

Good luck

hopeful4

If I don't want to drink at a conference, I simply say I am taking a medication that I cannot mix alcohol with. That does it.

Maybe an online AA meeting while you are there?

I know this is different, but it's the same too. I am doing Weight Watchers. I went out of town recently and it was a struggle. They have an app that you can talk to them 24/7, it really did help b/c not only is there lots of alcohol at those things, but tons of very unhealthy food!

Maybe something like that, or a buddy you can text or call if you are feeling weak? And of course, SR is here for you always!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

PurpleKnight

There WILL be others not drinking, non drinkers are everywhere, it just seems like everybody drinks when we were drinking, but it's not true, simply another fairytale your mind is trying to sell you.

Try to keep things separated out in your mind, alcohol and this conference you didn't $1000 to go drinking, you spent it on attending this conference, if you wanted to drink there are cheaper options, so reinforce why you're going to the conference and it's not to drink, that's just a secondary activity that you don't have to get involved in.

Duckguy

I should clarify for those offering help. It is essential for my work that I go - the money is just one more thing. I'd be in trouble if I didn't, and I want to go. I just want to be prepared, and I will be.

Thanks for all the advice. I think so far what clicks with me the best is that I haven't drank for 17 days and I will stay sober for all of those right reasons.

Alwyshope12

I've been to tons of these events, and in some way it is like everything else in life. People drink much less than I did, I just never slowed down enough to notice that was the case.

I'd also look at alternative activities and see what there is to do, sight see, go to the gym, spa, meet new people at the conference who don't drink. So many options.

Dee74

Stay in touch with SR...check up AA meetings in whatever city you're in (makes no difference whether you do AA or not, you might be grateful of the support in the evenings), check out online meetings for the same reason.

The bottom line is - if you don't want to drink, you won't - you have the power to make that happen.

It may not be pleasant, you may feel miserable, and it may be a Herculean effort but you can do it.

If you think you're not up to the task then my recommendation is you have to cancel - work will send someone else..

D

MelindaFlowers

That's a very good point. Most people drink much less than we think. Everyone drinks at a conference? Probably 2-3 drinks when out at night. Since I've stopped drinking I've been to holiday parties and a very expensive wedding with hip LA people in Palm Springs. The crowd was cool and young. 2-3 drinks was the average at the reception. Oh yes. I was watching and counting.

Normies don't drink a huge amount because they start to feel unpleasant after a certain amount. As an experiment, when you're solid in your sobriety, really WATCH people drink. Seriously observe. They drink very slowly. They drink a drink over 30 minutes or more. They set it down for long periods. When it's empty they may order a second after a while or they may not. It's a fascinating experience to watch a non-alcoholic drink alcohol.

You can go or not go. It's up to you whether you will drink or not. In fact, as you sit at your computer typing this you probably know if you'll drink or not at the conference. I went to my first wedding and I KNEW in my heart I wouldn't drink. Drinking never even crossed my mind as the dance floor filled and champagne flowed. I KNEW I was not going to drink and didn't.

If you think it might be too much than don't go. Those 17 dats are valuable.

Wastinglife

I had a job once that required me to attend conferences. Usually Vegas. I didn't last long at that job. Everyone was drinking of course, but not like I was drinking. They all could shut it down at a certain time and get up the next morning no problem while I was usually late for everything or missing events altogether since I had been drinking until 5 am with strangers.