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02-02-2015, 05:11 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: England
Posts: 405
| Drink Change.
Those were the two options I gave myself before xmas. Pretty suicidal I was. Ready to chuck myself off the local bridge definatley. Doing well I was. I wanted to post here, post to mates that I love here. Mates that don't know they are my mates. People that have really touched my heart when I am at my wits end. I've always wnated to talk to them, I can't it seems when I'm sober.
I was doing realaly well mates. I put the drink dowm before crimbo. The misery is too much mates. I Had another couple months.
Why dont I post before I get to this, I dunno mates? I couldn't hate myself more at the moment now mates. Shall I end myself [email protected] agghj! I cant be like this anymore mates.
I've been going.
I tell you, stick a ******* dagger in me I wouldnt feeel it now. smash me in the face with a brick , I couldn't care either.
press me down with !
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02-02-2015, 05:12 PM
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#2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: England
Posts: 405
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what a *****.. ill tell you what.. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. ********.
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02-02-2015, 05:14 PM
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#3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 113,903
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Oh JimJim, I am so sorry.
What can we do to help you?
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02-02-2015, 05:15 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: England
Posts: 405
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sicko bastard.! I got more than being numb man! I got so much more! It's what keeps me going. I understand poetry, I appreciate the beaty in it, I feel it. I love Bob Dylan. I see the world the way it is.
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02-02-2015, 05:17 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Australia
Posts: 179,027
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I'm sorry Jim.
You're in my prayers - and yes you are my mate 
I really hope you will come back tomorrow.
I think posting here dailyy, sober, could be the start of a new change for you...gotta be worth a shot, doncha think?
D
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02-02-2015, 05:17 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 52,017
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Jim, we're here for you. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.
Please take care of yourself and go to an ER if you feel at risk. We care.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Marianne Williamson | |
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02-02-2015, 05:18 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Member
Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,110
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Hey Jimjim. What's going on man?
Have not seen you around. Put the bottle down, you know IT is the one writing this not you. And you know the bottle can distort our thoughts.
Here for you mate
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02-02-2015, 05:19 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Australia
Posts: 179,027
| Quote:
Originally Posted by JimJim  sicko bastard.! I got more than being numb man! I got so much more! It's what keeps me going. I understand poetry, I appreciate the beaty in it, I feel it. I love Bob Dylan. I see the world the way it is. | C'mon Jim - that's bollocks.
You see the world in a way that makes it easier for you to drink.
I had no idea what the reality of the world was for 20 years until I stopped drinking.
I understand and appreciate things so much more now - including His Bobness
D
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02-02-2015, 05:19 PM
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#9 (permalink)
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Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: New York
Posts: 234
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We are here for you and care about you Jim!
__________________
crucify the ego before it's far too late.
-mjk
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02-02-2015, 05:20 PM
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#10 (permalink)
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Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,801
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Sounds like you are dealing with some major depression Jimjim. Alcohol makes it ten times worse. I used to fantasize about throwing myself under a train while in the grip of alcoholism. Deep down I know I'll make it out of this. There is something for us out there besides getting hammered.
__________________
Do not judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.
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02-02-2015, 05:47 PM
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#11 (permalink)
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Join Date: Dec 2014 Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,495
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I hope you come back and post....where you are at is an awful place that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...but it can and will get better with some changes.
__________________
What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?
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02-02-2015, 06:26 PM
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#12 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
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I too hope you come back, post, and start back on the road to sobriety.
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02-02-2015, 06:57 PM
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#13 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,837
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We are here for you Jim!!
As you say you've got a lot to offer this world, share it, don't throw it away!!
Personally I've loved the poetry that you've shared with all of us, hopefully you can continue to share it!! | |
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02-02-2015, 07:43 PM
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#14 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
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Xoxo
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02-02-2015, 07:47 PM
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#15 (permalink)
| | Learning to live again
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 38,695
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You are loved, Jim - and you are among friends. We have not given up on you and never will. Please let's try this again.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle
A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.  | |
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02-02-2015, 07:56 PM
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#16 (permalink)
| | bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: eastern USA
Posts: 80,511
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Please don't give up on yourself. 
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.
Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.
Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus
Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley  | |
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02-02-2015, 10:34 PM
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#17 (permalink)
| | That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: london
Posts: 4,985
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When we give up sometimes other things surface Jim ,
Sounds like you might have been self medicating with booze ?
Seems to me getting a month together is nothing to be dismissed and is reason for hope. With a tweak here and there, applying yourself differently you might be able to achieve indefinite long term sobriety ..
Don't let this become an excuse for a full blown bender jim , Tip the drink and get yourself some help with the dark thoughts .
Cheers mate , m
__________________
Ups and downs still happen, it's how we deal with them that counts. gave up sept 2011
The cards of life won't break my hand, so let's pull on the freedom bell and ring.
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02-02-2015, 10:40 PM
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#18 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
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Jimjim. Put down the bottle and the misery goes too..in time because its the small improvements everyday that keep us going to the next..trust me MATE.
__________________
10-17-2014
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02-02-2015, 11:35 PM
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#19 (permalink)
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Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: UK
Posts: 514
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Jim jim, I hope you come back to read these messages of support . You are judging yourself more harshly than anyone else is. For very one person that gives up and never touches a drop more there are 20, 30, 40 who have gone off course. And you, like them, CAN pick yourself up, shake yourself down and get back on that path.
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02-03-2015, 01:44 AM
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#20 (permalink)
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Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Newcastle
Posts: 909
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Thinking of you Jim. Put the bottle down man, from following your posts for a long time you appear to have an incredible strength about you deep down.
You can do it - keep reaching out.
__________________ Quote: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
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