lucyloo14

Hi I am Lucyloo and I have finally made the decision to try to get in control of my drinking which has become excessive. As soon as I finished work I would reach for the white wine and could easily drink a bottle maybe 1.5 bottles before crashing out in a drunken stupor. My eldest had a chat with me last week and said how worried he was about me, i knew I had a problem but to be honest I was fooling myself how bad it was. What he said finally got to me ... "mum I need you to be around for when I meet the girl of my dreams, get married and have kids - you'll be a great grandma and if you end up killing yourself and missing out I don't know what I'd do", well that hit home, you see I don't like the label 'alcoholic' I don't (thank god) get up every day and hit the vodka bottle, I don't even like spirits. I work hard all day and then the wine is my relaxation, my release, my escape - what's the harm in that I told myself. But I realised I started to need more to get the 'hit' and needed more than one bottle. This was every single day. A functioning alcoholic is what they call it i believe. I thought I could stop if I wanted to but guess what I could not ever stop at one glass. I become argumentative, negative and critical and upset those closest to me, worst of all I often could not remember anything the next day!
So here i am at last, i admit things can't go on like this, I am a strong woman who has achieved a great deal in my life and i am letting alcohol take over my life. I don't want to die and miss out on my future grandchildren, I don't want to waste another evening being drunk so on friday I made the choice to stop drinking wine for 4 weeks (one step at a time) I drink fizzy water instead and try to keep busy. So far it is has been hard but I have not drank. My night sweats and dreams are horrendous and the longed for full nights rest has not yet found me, but I am hopeful. I am scared of failing - hense my 4 week target, i dont want to say I wont ever drink again either because I want to, but I guess it will take a long time until I am able to just have a glass or two. If anyone else out there is feeling like me or have been through it and has any tips or encouragement I could really do with some good advice!! yours scared but hopeful Lucyloo x

Thepatman

Welcome and glad you found us!

Moderation never worked for me. There is no doubt in my mind that in 4 weeks, you will have succeeded. But what happens then? You go back to daily drinking?

Niamh

You can do it Lucy. It does take time of course, and I am just getting past the horror withdrawals too. Staying busy has been key for me, a strict daily schedule of what I am doing. And regular meals on an exact schedule. And lots of walks and lots of self help reading. Some books are good, some are bad but it keeps me busy and my mind focused on the process. Stay strong. Sounds like you've got a great son there who loves you.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, lucyloo. This is a great place to find support, understanding and encouragement.

Take a look around the site; there is a wealth of information on alcoholism and methods and techniques to achieve and maintain sobriety. Be sure to check out the "stickies" at the top of forum threads; great insight in those.

Each of my attempts at moderation was a complete failure. Total and complete abstinence was and is my way to success and wonderful sobriety.

Glad you found SR.

Esspee

Hi and welcome

Creekryder

Hi, Lucyloo and welcome. IMHO your 4 plan week is a slippery slope. You're not making a life commitment, but a temporary attempt. Your statement of wanting to control your drinking follows this assertion. Very few alcoholics can control their drinking. You have tho change your view of alcohol and see it as it really is-a poison that destroys life. It is a drug that suppresses the nervous system as the expense of your health. It is not a beneficial relaxant as the addiction tells you. That is the booze substantiating a reason to continue its cravings. Look to other forms of relaxation to calm yourself and leave the bottle out of the equation. The physical discomforts of abstinence will fade in time, leaving you with a true feeling of what life should be. You'll still have periods of exhaustion, moments of crisis, and just plain bad days. But in sobriety, you'll find a way to deal with them other than looking for a solution at the bottom of a glass bottle.
There are a lot of people here just waiting to help you find that life goal.

Lovesunrises

Hi Lucyloo! I was a bottle a night drinker of white wine as well, and functioning...working a stressful job, etc. I quit for several months last year when I realized I really had a problem and after those months of sobriety I thought I could just have a glass or two here and there. Well, within a couple of weeks, I was right back where I left off, drinking a bottle of wine a night and even more on the weekends. I have been struggling for months, so I finally made the decision 8 days ago to try again. I wish I could just enjoy a glass of wine and stop at that, but for me that's not an option. You will find a lot of support here. Welcome!

Soberwolf

Welcome Lucyloo its nice to meet you youl find a ton of support here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

MyShadow

Welcome to SR, nice to meet you!

IOAA2

Hi and keep coming.

Controlling our drinking, if we are alcoholics, is about impossible over time like it or not.
Trying to control something indicates we are out of control. An expression in AA is a pickle can never again be a cucumber.

I don’t particularly like the term alcoholic but I accept it as a fact. When I feel out of sorts I just think I CANNOT DRINK IN SAFETY.

I’ve seen this disease take many a strong person down on their knees and pray to stop drinking.
It works if we admit we need help and do the work and changes to accept sanity into our life.

BE WELL

fini

welcome, Lucy,
you've stopped drinking for now and are finding it difficult.
what might get you through those four weeks is the knowledge that you set yourself an end-point. i did that once, decided to quit for six months, and then i'd re-evaluate. those six months were fairly easy.
they were easy, i later saw, because deep down i knew that i'd "get to" drink again after the time was up. i was just putting in time; not really making changes. the other negative thing this re-inforced was the idea of "see! i can quit and stay quit easily; so therefore i can now drink again".
but that was me, and you might well be different.
i am an alcoholic. without ever having drunk vodka in the morning
but having that "normal" glass or two...no, not me. wouldn't want it, either. always wanted more. that's just my truth.

congratulations on reaching out. you will find your own truth in time.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Lucy!!

BBQBOY

Welcome Lucy...stick around the forum...it will help with your battle.

Dee74

Hi and welcome lucy
Alcohol had destroyed my life. But I kept going back to it. My intentions were good - I'll just drink a glass...but it never turned out that way, not for long.

No amount of sober time 'reset' me.
My response to alcohol was always the same. One sip, one glass and I needed more...I had to drink until I was wasted.

You know as I do that's no way to live.

I found the courage, with the support of the folks here, to give up drinking for good.

It meant a lot of changes in my life - and it was scary to think about - but I did it.

I found a me I'd totally forgotten about - a me I'd lost somewhere in all those decades of boozing.

Whatever you decide is your business, but I really hope you give yourself the chance to find that person you've lost too, Lucy.

D

lucyloo14

First of all thanks to all the people who bothered to post - it really helps!

Well I started my post yesterday praising my sad little self for 3 days of no wine (yippee) I set a 4 week target as I thought that would be better than saying stop for ever. I have read the replies and can see that I have been a little deluded.

As I have never smoked or done drugs I have seen the advertising of what nicotine does to your insides and thought, why would anyone do that to themselves? I have no idea of what these addictions can do but I can see alcohol is exactly the same for me - it is not good for you, I don't really need it, it does not make me a better person, it will not prolong my life and yet here I am saying I don't think I can give it up?? deluded I think is an understatement. It has me in it's grips and I thought I could just cut down and then if I drank only at weekends it would be alright, but it won't be alright... my family hate it when I drink so why do I do it to them and to myself??

I can now see it is a much bigger issue and it's hard reading the replies because the idea of never drinking again is not great but the idea of a nice good person coming out the other side like Dee says is the vision I want to see in my dreams. The task ahead of me is not an easy one and although I can list so many reasons why not to drink I worry i will not have the strength. I can see now that the only way will be to give up altogether and that will mean massive life changes - but where to start? Already (day 4) I feel better and proud that I have not drank but that's just a grain of sand in the scheme of things it's going to be such a long journey. I hope I come out the other side like Dee! Feeling deflated to be honest.

Dee74

I started the same way you did Lucy - day by day... you'll soon be amazed at the time that's gone by

if I can do this (with the help of the community here) you can too

D

Ruby2

Welcome and congratulations on day 4. Saying goodbye to alcohol was the hardest things I ever did. On paper I was functional. I have a job, a house, children, a car and a small amount of money in the bank but I was drinking every single night. Once I picked up one glass it always led to another and another and "oops, the bottles gone!?" Always wanting more.

It does take a lot of rethinking and retraining to learn how to live life without liquid comfort but I imagine that there was some point in your life you didn't drink. We don't pick up a bottle as children. But we sure stop our growth when we do start.

I found it helpful to say one day at a time. For today I'm not drinking. It's just twenty four hours to get through. With work and practice it won't be time that you have to "get through". It will be time you enjoy living.

Hang around and get to know people here so you can reach out with questions and for support. Good to meet you.

lucyloo14

Hi Just wanted to say thanks for your message it seriously made me think and kept me awake a lot last night!! You are so right of course. Have a good day.