forgot to introduce myself and my story to you all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alice Springs, NT, Down Under
Posts: 195
forgot to introduce myself and my story to you all
My life with alcohol started at age 16. All innocent drinking at the youth club (In Holland legal age to drink used to be 16 in my days).
At college and uni I started binge drinking and at age 21 it all went wrong. (I am gay,) but experimented with guys a bit around my 21st. First time with a guy , unprotected sex, drunk as hell, inf act it was my 21st birthday that day
, I fell pregnant. Got it removed because I am not going to give up my life and study for a child (I was in my final year of uni), I don't like babies and little kids, it is just not me. Thank god I did not catch a yukky disease! Anyways.
Moved to London for work. My alcohol intake increased. My lifestyle changed and I found myself drunk in the pub at least 3-4 times a week. Plus drinking at home during work days. We even had drinks at the pub during our lunch break. It was just what we did in London.
One day I came to work, straight from the nightclub, so hungover I had to go home.
Moved back to Holland. Joined the police force. Saw things I did not want to see. Started drinking more regular during the week. Getting blind drunk in the week ends.
My colleagues started to notice it. Quit the police force.
Moved back to my home town. That's where the real drinking developed. I was unemployed. Drinking every day 12 a day. Drink driving to get more booze.
Then I moved to Australia for love after backpacking the majestic country for 5.5 months.
My ex was non stop on my back, I was not allowed to drink more than 6 at the time, and I was only allowed to drink on Wednesdays and week ends. I was furious, we had lots of **** fights because of it.
Slamming doors, throwing a chair through the window, I even broke my little toe one day when she chased me to hit me. She refused to take me to hospital, I drove the car with a broken toe!
I became abusive towards her. (poor girl I loved her so much but she was in between my biggest love and me, Beer)
I was hiding it from her, in the cupboards, outside , in the car, in the motorbike seat, meter box, etc, the shed, wherever I could find a spot.
If she would go out to play beach volleyball I would sneakily drink or get some from the shop. The relationship was noting but lies from my side. (though I genuinely loved her with all my heart!)
After 7 years our relation ended two years ago. I was heart broken and started drinking again, excessively, 14 a day, 18 a day, 24-30 in the weekends per day.
Going to work with a massive hangover every single day.
Two years later 4 weeks ago I ended up in hospital with chest pains. Thought i was having a bloody heart attack! but I wasn't so that is good.
The same week I went to see my GP to discuss the results. She asked me if I drank much and I knotted, sort of. mwo, well, maybe, dunno........ not to bad...... she said let's do a full liver function test.
(Cholestorol, LFT, iron, red blood cell count, etc.) The results came beck me to GP. She told me my liver was not really happy! It was inflamed and very high ratings in the enzymes section that deals with alcohol breakdown.
I am anemic (could also be because I haven't had meat for 27 years!) but most likely coz I was/am malnourished. My Cholesterol is 9.4 must be <4.5 or 4 Blood sugar levels are elevated, blood pressure was high Besides that I put on heaps of weight about 7 kilos. I cried. It opened my eyes. She asked me if I wanted to do something about it? I told her yes,actually yes I really would like to, but I don't know if I can? She told me I don't have to do it on my own there is help.
That weekend I got blind again. Friday and Saturdays. The last day, Saturday the 17th Jan I had about 31 beers in one day. Sundays I slept in till 4 pm! well that's when I woke up really, thank the lord that I woke up.
I have always been worried that one morning I would not wake up anymore, that I would O.D. I went and saw the Doctor at ADSCA (the drug and alcohol rehab clinic) and the nurse and a case worker.
Got Valium to get through the 10 days detox. I have been sober since. It feels good, it feels strange it feels like I lost a buddy but it was not my buddy, coz it got me into trouble SO OFTEN!
Now I am on the anti cravings tabs Campral, first two days I accidentally took half the prescribed dose I was a mess!
I was all over the place. I cried a lot, even at work. I had a headache all the time, I was restless, I had cravings, I was hungry all the time
(I have gone from at least 4200 - empty- Cal to now 1000-1250 cal a day. No wonder I am hungry lol) I find it difficult to eat full meals, I am eating say a corn cob and a vegi burger that is my dinner. (I don't eat meat)
But it is always better than just 3 sandwiches in the morning and 2 min noodles at night. That was my diet for 2 years!
My mum and dad are extremely happy and proud of me, that FINALLY after 19 years of abusing and 2 years of being seriously addicted I finally took the step to a sober life. My sister feels the same, she can't wait to have her little sister back, she sent me a pressie by mail, still waiting for it, whatever it is I will cherish it.
So guys.....
the hardest work is done, coming out, admitting, seeking help and the 10 days detox.
ATM I am doing remarkably well, nill cravings thanks to the Campral. But I am scared though, about what will happen when they will review my medication (not the Campral) but my opther meds.
I am scared they are going to take the anti depressants away from me and I am scared that once the two months of Campral are over and I am on my own, that I will relapse.
I am going to ask them to let me stay on the Citalopram (Antidepressants) so I will not feel crap. I have been on them for years. I am talking with a psychologist but she is a newbee, I can tell.
Going to see her again tomorrow. I am on this Australian photography forum on FB. All of a sudden, out of the blue while I was detoxing, this woman a total stranger emailed me on FB "hey how are you doing? etc"
we have been pen pal FB mates ever since. Chatting hours on hours. About my experiences, pas present and trouble I have had in my life. She studied psychology got her degree but never registered, she now is a HR manager at a drug and alcohol clinic. I do not believe in god (or do I?) but I feel I got send an “angel” to help me through this. Who or what or why she appeared in my life, only god will know (if there is a god, still not a 100% sure what to believe. Anyways open for anything
) She appeared in my life at the right time with the right information. What she is saying makes so much more sense than what my therapist is saying.
I feel I am finally ready for it to live a life in sobriety. I don't like the smell of it anymore, I don't like the first or second one anymore, yet kept forcing myself to drink them so I could go blind.
No excitement in my life, not getting excited about little things anymore such as riding my mountain bike out bush and enjoying nature, or the smell of flowers, or the smile of a child.
I have told all my friends , mum , dad, my sister, my boss, manager and a mate at work. Everyone is happy for me and wish me the best. I never thought I would have that much support.
2015 will me my year!
I am glad I found you guys, your stories are very helpful.
X0
Joyce
At college and uni I started binge drinking and at age 21 it all went wrong. (I am gay,) but experimented with guys a bit around my 21st. First time with a guy , unprotected sex, drunk as hell, inf act it was my 21st birthday that day
, I fell pregnant. Got it removed because I am not going to give up my life and study for a child (I was in my final year of uni), I don't like babies and little kids, it is just not me. Thank god I did not catch a yukky disease! Anyways.Moved to London for work. My alcohol intake increased. My lifestyle changed and I found myself drunk in the pub at least 3-4 times a week. Plus drinking at home during work days. We even had drinks at the pub during our lunch break. It was just what we did in London.
One day I came to work, straight from the nightclub, so hungover I had to go home.
Moved back to Holland. Joined the police force. Saw things I did not want to see. Started drinking more regular during the week. Getting blind drunk in the week ends.
My colleagues started to notice it. Quit the police force.
Moved back to my home town. That's where the real drinking developed. I was unemployed. Drinking every day 12 a day. Drink driving to get more booze.
Then I moved to Australia for love after backpacking the majestic country for 5.5 months.
My ex was non stop on my back, I was not allowed to drink more than 6 at the time, and I was only allowed to drink on Wednesdays and week ends. I was furious, we had lots of **** fights because of it.
Slamming doors, throwing a chair through the window, I even broke my little toe one day when she chased me to hit me. She refused to take me to hospital, I drove the car with a broken toe!
I became abusive towards her. (poor girl I loved her so much but she was in between my biggest love and me, Beer)
I was hiding it from her, in the cupboards, outside , in the car, in the motorbike seat, meter box, etc, the shed, wherever I could find a spot.
If she would go out to play beach volleyball I would sneakily drink or get some from the shop. The relationship was noting but lies from my side. (though I genuinely loved her with all my heart!)
After 7 years our relation ended two years ago. I was heart broken and started drinking again, excessively, 14 a day, 18 a day, 24-30 in the weekends per day.
Going to work with a massive hangover every single day.
Two years later 4 weeks ago I ended up in hospital with chest pains. Thought i was having a bloody heart attack! but I wasn't so that is good.
The same week I went to see my GP to discuss the results. She asked me if I drank much and I knotted, sort of. mwo, well, maybe, dunno........ not to bad...... she said let's do a full liver function test.
(Cholestorol, LFT, iron, red blood cell count, etc.) The results came beck me to GP. She told me my liver was not really happy! It was inflamed and very high ratings in the enzymes section that deals with alcohol breakdown.
I am anemic (could also be because I haven't had meat for 27 years!) but most likely coz I was/am malnourished. My Cholesterol is 9.4 must be <4.5 or 4 Blood sugar levels are elevated, blood pressure was high Besides that I put on heaps of weight about 7 kilos. I cried. It opened my eyes. She asked me if I wanted to do something about it? I told her yes,actually yes I really would like to, but I don't know if I can? She told me I don't have to do it on my own there is help.
That weekend I got blind again. Friday and Saturdays. The last day, Saturday the 17th Jan I had about 31 beers in one day. Sundays I slept in till 4 pm! well that's when I woke up really, thank the lord that I woke up.
I have always been worried that one morning I would not wake up anymore, that I would O.D. I went and saw the Doctor at ADSCA (the drug and alcohol rehab clinic) and the nurse and a case worker.
Got Valium to get through the 10 days detox. I have been sober since. It feels good, it feels strange it feels like I lost a buddy but it was not my buddy, coz it got me into trouble SO OFTEN!
Now I am on the anti cravings tabs Campral, first two days I accidentally took half the prescribed dose I was a mess!
I was all over the place. I cried a lot, even at work. I had a headache all the time, I was restless, I had cravings, I was hungry all the time
(I have gone from at least 4200 - empty- Cal to now 1000-1250 cal a day. No wonder I am hungry lol) I find it difficult to eat full meals, I am eating say a corn cob and a vegi burger that is my dinner. (I don't eat meat)
But it is always better than just 3 sandwiches in the morning and 2 min noodles at night. That was my diet for 2 years!
My mum and dad are extremely happy and proud of me, that FINALLY after 19 years of abusing and 2 years of being seriously addicted I finally took the step to a sober life. My sister feels the same, she can't wait to have her little sister back, she sent me a pressie by mail, still waiting for it, whatever it is I will cherish it.
So guys.....
the hardest work is done, coming out, admitting, seeking help and the 10 days detox.
ATM I am doing remarkably well, nill cravings thanks to the Campral. But I am scared though, about what will happen when they will review my medication (not the Campral) but my opther meds.
I am scared they are going to take the anti depressants away from me and I am scared that once the two months of Campral are over and I am on my own, that I will relapse.
I am going to ask them to let me stay on the Citalopram (Antidepressants) so I will not feel crap. I have been on them for years. I am talking with a psychologist but she is a newbee, I can tell.
Going to see her again tomorrow. I am on this Australian photography forum on FB. All of a sudden, out of the blue while I was detoxing, this woman a total stranger emailed me on FB "hey how are you doing? etc"
we have been pen pal FB mates ever since. Chatting hours on hours. About my experiences, pas present and trouble I have had in my life. She studied psychology got her degree but never registered, she now is a HR manager at a drug and alcohol clinic. I do not believe in god (or do I?) but I feel I got send an “angel” to help me through this. Who or what or why she appeared in my life, only god will know (if there is a god, still not a 100% sure what to believe. Anyways open for anything
) She appeared in my life at the right time with the right information. What she is saying makes so much more sense than what my therapist is saying.I feel I am finally ready for it to live a life in sobriety. I don't like the smell of it anymore, I don't like the first or second one anymore, yet kept forcing myself to drink them so I could go blind.
No excitement in my life, not getting excited about little things anymore such as riding my mountain bike out bush and enjoying nature, or the smell of flowers, or the smile of a child.
I have told all my friends , mum , dad, my sister, my boss, manager and a mate at work. Everyone is happy for me and wish me the best. I never thought I would have that much support.
2015 will me my year!
I am glad I found you guys, your stories are very helpful.
X0
Joyce
Last edited by PinkGstring; 02-02-2015 at 04:37 AM. Reason: this is the only way I can post right now :)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alice Springs, NT, Down Under
Posts: 195
........
I know I should not be too excited, there is relapse around the corner if you don't watch out.
I am "scared" for it. It all feels too good to be true atm. I am just enjoying not having had a hangover for 16 days now
I am "scared" for it. It all feels too good to be true atm. I am just enjoying not having had a hangover for 16 days now
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Thanks for sharing a little more of your story Joyce.
I can't really see any reason why they would take your anti-ds off you especially if you need them.
Drs in Australia are generally pretty good in my experience and not punitive in any way
As for relapsing after you come off the Campral...all of us, whether we're on meds or not have to work at our recovery and stop ourselves from relapsing.
I drank for 20 years...I didn;t want to drink again...I worked hard, I built up a support netwrok and used it, and I posted a lot here when I was in trouble.
I have not drunk again since the morning I gave it up in 2007. some days were harder than others but I got through. So do thousands of others here
If you don't want to drink again, and you're prepared to do whatever it takes to stay sober, you will PGS
D
D
I can't really see any reason why they would take your anti-ds off you especially if you need them.
Drs in Australia are generally pretty good in my experience and not punitive in any way
As for relapsing after you come off the Campral...all of us, whether we're on meds or not have to work at our recovery and stop ourselves from relapsing.
I drank for 20 years...I didn;t want to drink again...I worked hard, I built up a support netwrok and used it, and I posted a lot here when I was in trouble.
I have not drunk again since the morning I gave it up in 2007. some days were harder than others but I got through. So do thousands of others here
If you don't want to drink again, and you're prepared to do whatever it takes to stay sober, you will PGS
D
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alice Springs, NT, Down Under
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by becoming 
Congrats on 16 days and good luck in your recovery! Maybe consider getting some additional support like AA or outpatient.
Wishing you all the best!
Wishing you all the best!
And I'm not comfortable talking in a group.
Maybe very maybe I might go eventually but not now.
J.
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Welcome, Pinkie!
Congrats on your new sobriety and good luck.
If you are not already familiar, there are other groups and methods other than AA. Just look around at this site. I'm not religious or a joiner myself.
Cheers!
Congrats on your new sobriety and good luck.
If you are not already familiar, there are other groups and methods other than AA. Just look around at this site. I'm not religious or a joiner myself.
Cheers!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome Joyce, aside from a 'few' details, you sound very much like I was at one point.
I suggest you get involved with one of the support groups here. Several options.
Your concern about relapse is a valid one if you believe you are going to relapse. However, if you put your mind to it and are strong willed - you don't have to relapse.
If you seriously don't ever want to drink again, YOU WILL NOT. It's up to you to make that choice to drink again. And it's up to you alone to prevent it from happening.
I suggest you get involved with one of the support groups here. Several options.
Your concern about relapse is a valid one if you believe you are going to relapse. However, if you put your mind to it and are strong willed - you don't have to relapse.
If you seriously don't ever want to drink again, YOU WILL NOT. It's up to you to make that choice to drink again. And it's up to you alone to prevent it from happening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alice Springs, NT, Down Under
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by LBrain
welcome Joyce, aside from a 'few' details, you sound very much like I was at one point.
I suggest you get involved with one of the support groups here. Several options.
Your concern about relapse is a valid one if you believe you are going to relapse. However, if you put your mind to it and are strong willed - you don't have to relapse.
If you seriously don't ever want to drink again, YOU WILL NOT. It's up to you to make that choice to drink again. And it's up to you alone to prevent it from happening.
I suggest you get involved with one of the support groups here. Several options.
Your concern about relapse is a valid one if you believe you are going to relapse. However, if you put your mind to it and are strong willed - you don't have to relapse.
If you seriously don't ever want to drink again, YOU WILL NOT. It's up to you to make that choice to drink again. And it's up to you alone to prevent it from happening.
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