Agh
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Agh
I'm really not doing too well tonight, for some reason I'm just incredibly restless and agitated and sort of mad at everything for no reason
It's almost midnight here and I have no alcohol/no where close to get any, but if there were some in my house I'm 90% sure I'd drink it. 15 days sober and this is the worst it's been so far, first time I thought I actually really would drink if I could.
I'm also feeling really destructive and impulsive, like I'd love to go to a bar and cause some (self) damage, make some dodgy new friends, do something stupid.
It's not something I feel too often any more, even in the last year of drinking I barely went out I just drank at home/went to uni and work, but when I do feel like this yikes I can be self destructive. I really hate that about myself.
Maybe it's because tomorrow I'm meant to be seeing the man I've been in a ridiculous and unhealthy relationship with for a few years (every cliche in the book that one, I'm too embarrassed by how stupid I seem when discussing him that I can't even verbalise the situation, even in the AA meetings where I'm pretty comfortable and very direct and honest even about the most humiliating things)
Anyway il be ok, I can't drink tonight and I'm hoping after I wake up, walk my dog and go to my midday meeting tomorrow that I'll feel better, but needed to get this out I guess or just cant sleep/keep obsessing. Thanks for listening
It's almost midnight here and I have no alcohol/no where close to get any, but if there were some in my house I'm 90% sure I'd drink it. 15 days sober and this is the worst it's been so far, first time I thought I actually really would drink if I could.
I'm also feeling really destructive and impulsive, like I'd love to go to a bar and cause some (self) damage, make some dodgy new friends, do something stupid.
It's not something I feel too often any more, even in the last year of drinking I barely went out I just drank at home/went to uni and work, but when I do feel like this yikes I can be self destructive. I really hate that about myself.
Maybe it's because tomorrow I'm meant to be seeing the man I've been in a ridiculous and unhealthy relationship with for a few years (every cliche in the book that one, I'm too embarrassed by how stupid I seem when discussing him that I can't even verbalise the situation, even in the AA meetings where I'm pretty comfortable and very direct and honest even about the most humiliating things)
Anyway il be ok, I can't drink tonight and I'm hoping after I wake up, walk my dog and go to my midday meeting tomorrow that I'll feel better, but needed to get this out I guess or just cant sleep/keep obsessing. Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Often just verbalizing lessens what has been painful, that’s how going to meetings work, if we work em.
One of my most usefull phrases I used a lot in early sobriety is “If I don’t pick up the first drink one day at a time IN A ROW, I won’t have to try to get sober AGAIN.”
BE WELL
Often just verbalizing lessens what has been painful, that’s how going to meetings work, if we work em.
One of my most usefull phrases I used a lot in early sobriety is “If I don’t pick up the first drink one day at a time IN A ROW, I won’t have to try to get sober AGAIN.”
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I hope you are able to get some sleep. Early on in sobriety I had days where I was incredibly angry and had urges to drink at my problems to punish myself in some ways. But that's kind of like curing a headache by smacking your head with a hammer.
Writing about it helped me process it and took away some of the sting. In time as you move forward you will be able to sort through this relationship which is causing you worry.
The angry and destructive episodes did pass. You are doing alright.
Writing about it helped me process it and took away some of the sting. In time as you move forward you will be able to sort through this relationship which is causing you worry.
The angry and destructive episodes did pass. You are doing alright.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Thanks all, feeling a tiny bit better this morning, walked my dog and going to take a bath now thanks for the reminder they do tend to calm me,
Still want to drink but
830am here just waiting for my midday meeting that normally helps me get out of my head a bit
Sharing here helped a bit too, grateful you're all here to listen to me vent
Still want to drink but
830am here just waiting for my midday meeting that normally helps me get out of my head a bit
Sharing here helped a bit too, grateful you're all here to listen to me vent
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