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Old 02-01-2015, 06:24 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Agh


I'm really not doing too well tonight, for some reason I'm just incredibly restless and agitated and sort of mad at everything for no reason
It's almost midnight here and I have no alcohol/no where close to get any, but if there were some in my house I'm 90% sure I'd drink it. 15 days sober and this is the worst it's been so far, first time I thought I actually really would drink if I could.
I'm also feeling really destructive and impulsive, like I'd love to go to a bar and cause some (self) damage, make some dodgy new friends, do something stupid.
It's not something I feel too often any more, even in the last year of drinking I barely went out I just drank at home/went to uni and work, but when I do feel like this yikes I can be self destructive. I really hate that about myself.

Maybe it's because tomorrow I'm meant to be seeing the man I've been in a ridiculous and unhealthy relationship with for a few years (every cliche in the book that one, I'm too embarrassed by how stupid I seem when discussing him that I can't even verbalise the situation, even in the AA meetings where I'm pretty comfortable and very direct and honest even about the most humiliating things)

Anyway il be ok, I can't drink tonight and I'm hoping after I wake up, walk my dog and go to my midday meeting tomorrow that I'll feel better, but needed to get this out I guess or just cant sleep/keep obsessing. Thanks for listening
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Old 02-01-2015, 06:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi.
Often just verbalizing lessens what has been painful, that’s how going to meetings work, if we work em.

One of my most usefull phrases I used a lot in early sobriety is “If I don’t pick up the first drink one day at a time IN A ROW, I won’t have to try to get sober AGAIN.”

BE WELL
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ALCOHOL-ISM= INCREDIBLE SHORT MEMORY.

I CAME FOR MY DRINKING AND STAYED FOR MY THINKING.

WE ARE NOT FAILING AS LONG AS WE KEEP TRYING.

WHAT I USED TO CALL BOREDOM I NOW CALL SERENITY.
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Old 02-01-2015, 06:57 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I hope you are able to get some sleep. Early on in sobriety I had days where I was incredibly angry and had urges to drink at my problems to punish myself in some ways. But that's kind of like curing a headache by smacking your head with a hammer.

Writing about it helped me process it and took away some of the sting. In time as you move forward you will be able to sort through this relationship which is causing you worry.

The angry and destructive episodes did pass. You are doing alright.
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Old 02-01-2015, 07:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
Marchia in Aeternum
 
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OY! Good on you for coming here to vent about it.
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
Try your best.. eventually you'll get it
 
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Hang in there Immri ((()))
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Old 02-01-2015, 11:57 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hang in there, 15 Days is still early, my mind/body took time to adjust and heal!!

Keep pushing through!!
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Old 02-01-2015, 12:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Talk, rant, vent - whatever you need, immri. Do warm baths help you to relax?
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Old 02-01-2015, 02:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks all, feeling a tiny bit better this morning, walked my dog and going to take a bath now thanks for the reminder they do tend to calm me,
Still want to drink but
830am here just waiting for my midday meeting that normally helps me get out of my head a bit
Sharing here helped a bit too, grateful you're all here to listen to me vent
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Old 02-01-2015, 03:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Glad you feel a bit better today.
I hope you can find your way to deciding what to do about that relationship too

D
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