countrygirl2014

I came home from work last night to find my boyfriend passed out drunk and my 6 year old running amuck. I lost my mind. I yelled at him to wake up and he did...as a monster. My daughter I sent to bed. This was our first real fight since I've sobered up. He told me to pack my stuff and get out. He is tired of my attitude, my nastiness...etc. I fell into an old "poor me" pattern of thinking, started packing, text his family, my family and went to the basement and grabbed a beer. I held it. I cried. And cried. And I gave myself some time. I put the UNOPENED beer back, went upstairs, unpacked and said screw you. This isn't high school and I'm not leaving. She has school tomorrow, you are a grown ass man and what you did, I feel was terribly irresponsible. We talked about it, ironed out what was upsetting him, he doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through. We made up and I'm here. Sober and exhausted. And hurt still and frustrated and angry and in wonder why I'm sober sometimes. It was easier numb. Yes, I know...you be dead Jen, you will lose everything, Jen, so on and so on. I am way too tired to deal with today. And I have a lot to do. I don't want to deal with me anymore. Time will heal this. I just have to wait. Thanks for listening.
P.s. I didn't drink!

Jennifer

Nowsthetime

Good job Jen. If you drink YOU lose. I would have been upset if my SO was passed out with my kid running around however, are you surprised?

I am proud of you for tackling this like an adult and putting your girl first. She had school, that is what was most important.

Are you still engaged to this man? Are you going to get married?

You are so strong for pulling through last night! Flex those sobriety muscles!!!

countrygirl2014

Yeah I am. I just don't know what to do with him. Nothing to worry about right now. And it's not my place to decide if HE has a problem. My mind is too effed up to perform a diagnosis on others. Maybe there is some really simple literature he can read to help him understand what I'm going through. Like a pop up picture book.

Jennifer

Thepatman

Great job not drinking.

As for this "person" you are with.... I am an Alcoholic, used to drink like a fish.
But I never failed my obligations as a single dad. Sometimes I thought I would die trying to remain at my post and take care of him, but I did, no matter what.

A 6 year old cannot be alone, ever. This is not a small thing.

I'll leave it at this, but man, sometimes I get upset at things like this. Grrr

Hawkeye13

You didn't drink, and that, dear Jen, is the silver lining in a terrible evening.

Yes, I do understand wanting the pain to be banished for awhile,
but there are also an awful lot of good things which you can only fully feel sober.

Hugs and hope for a better day today.

MyShadow

Great job not drinking, two wrongs dont make a right.

strategery

The key thing is that you made it through sober, which you should be very proud of!

sprout50

Jen, You didn't drink and that is huge. I am guessing that eventually, you will have to make some hard decisions but being sober last night, you did the right thing. You slowed down and did what was best for your daughter at the time. Good for you!

Lol on the pop up picture book!

countrygirl2014

I know, I know...maybe it's because it's not his child so he doesn't have the programming, maybe because his mom left when he was little and he was raised by his alcoholic father who more than likely passed out nightly and let the kids run...3 of them. And "he turned out ok" He seemed to understand it's not a little thing. He even said he really screwed up last night. I just feel so...worthless and disposable.

Jennifer

bunnezjp

I'd throw his sorry @$$ out of my life, and my daughter's life.

Bunnez

countrygirl2014

The pop up picture book...lol, can you tell I'm a little bitter?

Jennifer

countrygirl2014

Old way of thinking:
run from the situation that is making me feel awful.
Try and force the other person to run which is still going to make me feel awful.
Drink to numb the awful feelings, have them all pile up until I can gain control of my sobriety again and then have to start over. No lesson learned.
New way of thinking:
Walk away from the situation for 20-30 minutes until everyone calms down. Then talk it out.

But now what? Man brain is probably over it. But I'm left feeling lousy, hurt, useless, wondering if I should have a backup plan for incidents like this? Waste the day now worrying about the fact that kid is in school, I am in school, I have a crap job with no money, all I want to do is talk about what happened last night...which is probably going to irritate him because he has man brain and left that behind last night. And we are obviously dealing with someone as sick as us. Statistics will show you, normal people are usually with normal people, sick with sick. The brain commitee won't shut up now. Keep my mouth shut and my thoughts will calm down? What do I do here?

Jennifer

Nowsthetime

Hi Jen:

Everyone has a story about their parents doing this, or being raised like that... Not an excuse. When we become adults we have to deal with those issues and just because you have the excuse that does not justify putting a six-year-old life in danger. Nothing happened this time but it only takes that once, once. You are right about focusing on yourself right now but remember that you are not only responsible for yourself anymore you have this little girl to take care of. Is this an environment you want her to grow up in so that later she can say that she was raised by and alcoholic stepdad? And have "that excuse"? The other thing is that I don't think that you should be the one feeling worthless. You're cracking your whip and making a difference in your own life and that my friend is priceless. You're not worthless. And by what you did last night you showed that you are strong, really strong. Holding a beer in your hand and putting it back is a lot. You are making this happen so feel proud of yourself.

I don't want to belittle your relationship but I am just giving you my point of view from what you have told me. You are doing this, BE PROUD!!!

Nowsthetime

Man brain, left it behind? What about your brain, what you want and you need. He just doesn't want to have to have a conversation because he knows that he is going to be in the wrong. Now, what about what you need you need to talk it out so that's what needs to happen. Remember to put yourself and your daughter first. Remember that you were not the one that was passed out last night.

Soberwolf

You done good by not drinking

I think its really bad he was passed out drunk while hes meant to be looking after your 6 yo daughter

He should never of threatened to kick you out

sorry that happened CG ((()))

Nowsthetime

And so what if it's not his kid. Are you willing to marry a man that is going to treat your daughter like it's not his. His actions are speaking volumes Jen...

Nofearnobeer

Way to yank yer britches up and stomp yer foot down! That's what I'm talkin about right there ! Way to go Jen!

airwick

You wrote "It is not your place to say"...when it concerns your girls safety it becomes your place

Soberpotamus

Hi Jen, my mom left my Dad when I was five. The last straw for her was when she arrived home to find him off in La-La Land, doing his own thing (sober, as he isn't alcoholic, ironically she was the alcoholic), and I was traipsing around the house, smiling, holding a butcher knife in my hand. She flipped her lid.

I agree with Airwick, you absolutely have everything to say about your child's safety in the hands of this guy.

Saliena

You know what? You have every reason to drink. Drunk SO, kid running free, bad day, school, work... where does it end?

In the end you knew where it would go for you. The good news is that it worked for you! You didn't drink! You are amazing.

I know it is hard. It does suck. But, drinking doesn't help the problem. It only makes it 10x worse when you come back out of it.