First Post in a While
 

I found this site a little under a year ago, and it inspired me to be sober for a short period of time. It was only about a month and then I started using again. Alcohol is my most common intoxicant but I have used plenty of other things.

I am currently in a study abroad type situation where I had to meet a bunch of new people. Alcohol has totally ruined every relationship I have formed. Last night I lost control of how much I was drinking and I blacked out. I have been too ashamed to talk to anyone because I know what a fool I made of myself last night. I have been holed up in my room alone with the worst anxiety ever.

I wanted to post here to reach out for some advice and support because this forum has been so welcoming in the past.

Glad you're here, Welcome back!
We've all been where you are - that horrible feeling.

The good news is you don't ever have to feel like that again. Post frequently, consider some face to face support where you are studying and take things a day at a time :)

Many have gotten sober, you can too!!!

Kind Regards,

Its so difficult though. Everybody is drinking here all of the time. It is the only social activity for the most part. I wish I could drink like everyone else, but instead I drink until I turn into a demon and make everyone hate me by the end of the night.

Welcome bk Radioactive

You can do this acceptance is paramount to our recovery...i know what happens when i drink and ive accepted that i cant drink safely or responsibly knowing that is one thing but then i had to work on it to make changes

Have you got a sober plan (Things to help you stay sober)

You have our support 5000%

I want to say that I'll stay sober, but it'd be a lie. I know that I am going to try drinking moderately this weekend.

If moderation doesnt work know were always here

I hope you continue to read the forum and keep posting bud

I plan on posting more and being more active here. At some point I know that I am going to need to go completely sober, I just don't have the strength yet.

These two statements are how you have ended up where you are currently at. Moderation does not work for people who have come to the realization that they need help with their addictions, and I am willing to bet that every addict on here will agree with that statement.

I had too many nights like you just described, I lost relationships, made poor choices, got in legal trouble, blacked out, etc...is any of that really worth drinking for? Why? Get over the social pressure of drinking and make a choice to better your life and health.

Reading the above statement is cause for concern, reading the second statement is cause for intervention. Think about it, what are you really going to gain by drinking in moderation this weekend? You know as well as I that "moderation" will go out the window as soon as you start, and as soon as the social pressure is on. You will wake up in the same situation that you found yourself in this morning; hungover, wondering what the hell happened last night, and filled with regret. Is it really worth all of that anxiety and grief? I don't think so...

Your call, but I would hope that you would reconsider your decision to drink "moderately" which we all know is not possible for an addict.

Honesty is good!

Most of us had to go through the trials and tribulations of attempts at moderation. For the majority who have a real problem it proves not to be plausible. I too thought "this time, I will be able to moderate". For me, it never turned out that way even though I truly meant what I said. That's the issue.......

Retro, I did think when I quit I'd have nothing to do. Turns out I have more friends now and do more things! I am no longer limited by the bondage of booze......

I understand exactly how you feel, however.

Be safe, consider total abstinence ;)

Peace

You are totally right Nuke. I know abstaining is what I need to do, but it is so hard. I am only 21 years old and I am surrounded by drugs and alcohol. The relationships that I have managed not to destroy are centered around these things.

Attempts at moderation took me to hell and kept me there for a long time. Please don't go there, retroactive.

A sober life may not be the popular thing among your friends but, for alcoholics, it IS life.

You are at a difficult age, I realize that. But it sounds like you are in a small town where drinking in a wheat field is all that there is to do on the weekends. I would challenge you to do everything you can to stay sober this weekend. Live on this site, read, read, and read some more, and find different activities from what you usually take part in.

I am betting there are a couple of girls in your town that would be happy to head out to dinner or a movie with you and avoid the drinking scene all together. It is all about changing your thought process and routines, you can do this, you know that you should, and you know that you will feel better about yourself and the decisions that you are making.

You can do it, never be afraid to reach out for help, you will find a ton of support from people who have gone through what you are.

Maybe I'll try it again. I know it would make me a lot happier of a person, today has literally been hell. I have no desire to be where I am ever again.

You have our full support Retroactive

There is a good step in the right direction, like many others have said acceptance is the start of the journey.

It is difficult to accept, but once you get past the thought of changing such a big part of your life, you will know that you are doing the right thing.

Shoot me a PM anytime this weekend if you want to talk, you can do this!

You can do this, retro; we are with you all the way.

Or you surround yourself with alcohol and drugs. Either way, remove yourself from the surroundings.

Youre right, but its easier said than done. I like all of my friends, I dont want to act like I am better than them for not drinking; Im not, I just cant handle it. I get along with the people who drink and use drugs and not so much with the people who tend to stay sober.

When you get comfortable in your sober skin, you will probably see sober people differently. I realize that it is difficult to envision a sober life, but it can truly be quite good.

Welcome

I was going to quit tomorrow more times than I can count. The problem with quiting tomorrow is that tomorrow never comes because it is always today.

Admitting to ourselves that no matter what we do we can never ever be successful drinkers and that we only have 2 choices. Get worse than we are or give up alcohol and get better.

It can be done as many here will tell you