A Struggling Life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Downingtown
Posts: 5
A Struggling Life
I have been struggling with a lot lately and came across this site today, which has given me the most hope I've had recently...
I received my second DUI last Friday night into Saturday morning, my first happened 4 years ago and I was finally coming to grips that I had moved on in life and that maybe my 1st DUI wouldn't define who I am. I have been tied down with so much guilt and remorse, replaying back in my head what I could have done differently to change my fate from that night. It got so bad that over the past few days I have even contemplated suicide as an easy way out, because as far as I can rationalize my life up to this point has been an utter disappointment, to my parents and those around me. I lost most of my friends after my first DUI, and I can't even bring myself to talk about this second one with those who actually stuck around me. I am currently a teacher but I fear that this 2nd DUI has completely ruined my career in teaching and that I will never get a job again. I spoke to my lawyer who informed me that I have used up all of my second chances and the approach now is just to keep my jail sentence to a minimum. The rest he said, he can't really help me with too much. Teaching is everything to me and I've been in a haze at work this week knowing that it all might be over soon. My parents, my two goddaughters, and my faith in Christ have been the only things keeping the dark suicidal thoughts at bay. I spoke to a friend who has been through this situation and he said things will get worse before they get better, but they will get better. Right now that is really hard for me to cling on to and I find myself battling bouts of depression everyday, not wanting to get out of bed or talk to anyone, because I don't feel worth much of anything.
I apologize for the length of this post but coming across this forum I found a community of people that seem to help one another, at a point in my life where I need the most help.
I received my second DUI last Friday night into Saturday morning, my first happened 4 years ago and I was finally coming to grips that I had moved on in life and that maybe my 1st DUI wouldn't define who I am. I have been tied down with so much guilt and remorse, replaying back in my head what I could have done differently to change my fate from that night. It got so bad that over the past few days I have even contemplated suicide as an easy way out, because as far as I can rationalize my life up to this point has been an utter disappointment, to my parents and those around me. I lost most of my friends after my first DUI, and I can't even bring myself to talk about this second one with those who actually stuck around me. I am currently a teacher but I fear that this 2nd DUI has completely ruined my career in teaching and that I will never get a job again. I spoke to my lawyer who informed me that I have used up all of my second chances and the approach now is just to keep my jail sentence to a minimum. The rest he said, he can't really help me with too much. Teaching is everything to me and I've been in a haze at work this week knowing that it all might be over soon. My parents, my two goddaughters, and my faith in Christ have been the only things keeping the dark suicidal thoughts at bay. I spoke to a friend who has been through this situation and he said things will get worse before they get better, but they will get better. Right now that is really hard for me to cling on to and I find myself battling bouts of depression everyday, not wanting to get out of bed or talk to anyone, because I don't feel worth much of anything.
I apologize for the length of this post but coming across this forum I found a community of people that seem to help one another, at a point in my life where I need the most help.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Welcome to SR!
There will be others along shortly to offer you support and guidance. AA along with this website helped me to get and stay sober. I would suggest going to an AA meeting and introducing yourself as a "newcomer" and sharing your story. It really can help, and it beats the hell out of suicidal thoughts.
I live in a different state than you, but I know a school administrator who had two DUI's. The first one was kept pretty quiet. The second one was very public because it involved a crash (no one was hurt) and it was picked up by the press. I'm sure the public humiliation in the press was very difficult. That person is no longer an administrator, but is back to teaching (and is involved in AA).
The point of that story is that it is possible to recover from this. And the outcomes you are imaging haven't happened yet, and might not happen. AA can help you figure out how to live life "one day at a time" and not be paralyzed by fear of the future or suicidal about what has happened in the past.
Good luck, and you might want to get a second opinion from another lawyer if the stakes are that high for you.
There will be others along shortly to offer you support and guidance. AA along with this website helped me to get and stay sober. I would suggest going to an AA meeting and introducing yourself as a "newcomer" and sharing your story. It really can help, and it beats the hell out of suicidal thoughts.
I live in a different state than you, but I know a school administrator who had two DUI's. The first one was kept pretty quiet. The second one was very public because it involved a crash (no one was hurt) and it was picked up by the press. I'm sure the public humiliation in the press was very difficult. That person is no longer an administrator, but is back to teaching (and is involved in AA).
The point of that story is that it is possible to recover from this. And the outcomes you are imaging haven't happened yet, and might not happen. AA can help you figure out how to live life "one day at a time" and not be paralyzed by fear of the future or suicidal about what has happened in the past.
Good luck, and you might want to get a second opinion from another lawyer if the stakes are that high for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 95
Welcome!
I feel your pain!
I have had 2 DUIs the second i was put in prison for 30 days, judges daughter was killed by a drink driver so had no chance
I thought 1st one i would have learned and was getting my self back on track. There is always hope and you will get there i started rebuilding my life i relapse alot but always taking 1 day at a time . Like u said it gets worse before getting better..
Good luck
I feel your pain!
I have had 2 DUIs the second i was put in prison for 30 days, judges daughter was killed by a drink driver so had no chance
I thought 1st one i would have learned and was getting my self back on track. There is always hope and you will get there i started rebuilding my life i relapse alot but always taking 1 day at a time . Like u said it gets worse before getting better..
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Welcome aboard - so sorry to hear you're struggling to deal with everything. Sometimes when you're battling this type of severe depression, it helps to start completing small tasks each day...rather than worrying about the "whole enchilada", simply look around you for something that you can accomplish. Wash the dishes, take out the trash. Pay your electric bill. Stuff like that. I've been there too and I know it really helps!
Another thing you can do is make a committment to stop drinking. Period. Have you quit drinking? If not, it seems that alcohol has led to some major problems for you. Do you have a plan to quit?
Another thing you can do is make a committment to stop drinking. Period. Have you quit drinking? If not, it seems that alcohol has led to some major problems for you. Do you have a plan to quit?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi Hipster,
I think your lawyer is likely giving you realistic information. And, I think your friend's advice is also good. It likely that things will get worse for you before things start to get better. But, know for sure, things will get better. The best thing to do right now is to stay sober.
I think your lawyer is likely giving you realistic information. And, I think your friend's advice is also good. It likely that things will get worse for you before things start to get better. But, know for sure, things will get better. The best thing to do right now is to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Drinking or hiding from it will not help. You have to tKe what you get and confront it. There are consequences for everything... You know. Feel glad that nobody got hurt. This will get better with time of you are honest and do what you are supposed to do. And please, never drink and drive again. Is NEVER good.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by Anna 
Hi Hipster,
I think your lawyer is likely giving you realistic information. And, I think your friend's advice is also good. It likely will get worse for you before things start to get better. But, know for sure, things will get better. The best thing to do right now is to stay sober.
I think your lawyer is likely giving you realistic information. And, I think your friend's advice is also good. It likely will get worse for you before things start to get better. But, know for sure, things will get better. The best thing to do right now is to stay sober.
Welcome to SR; glad you found us, Hipster.
Do you have a plan for sobriety? You have a lot on your plate; it will be so much better to deal with it soberly.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. When I hit really low points it was a struggle to move every day but I've found that it's necessary. Like BigSombrero said, little things. Dishes, sweeping, taking out the trash. Keep occupied.
Sounds like your friend gave you good advice. Don't drink. Keep moving forward. Come hear to learn and for support.
Sounds like your friend gave you good advice. Don't drink. Keep moving forward. Come hear to learn and for support.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
(((Hipster)))
I think BigSombrero gave good advice. Live one moment at a time and do your best. Stop drinking--it is horrific at first, but it does get better.
BTW, I grew up in West Chester, if that rings a bell!
I think BigSombrero gave good advice. Live one moment at a time and do your best. Stop drinking--it is horrific at first, but it does get better.
BTW, I grew up in West Chester, if that rings a bell!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I am sure glad you are here, Hip.
I am a recovering alcoholic and addict.
It took consequences and the fear of more (and worse) consequences to help me decide to seek help.
My belief in God has certainly helped me, along with being active in AA since graduating from the treatment center.
Take care and stick around.
I am a recovering alcoholic and addict.
It took consequences and the fear of more (and worse) consequences to help me decide to seek help.
My belief in God has certainly helped me, along with being active in AA since graduating from the treatment center.
Take care and stick around.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Downingtown
Posts: 5
I truly appreciate all the love and support, it helps me realize that I am not alone in this, I sought out AA meetings in my area and plan on attending the next night they are held. I try to take the small victories like great days at work and my students who love me, but when leaving it all comes rushing back that I may not be teaching again next year (I tend to get caught up thinking too far ahead). The biggest thing I'm afraid of is never landing in my feet or being of use to society again. The fact that I see people posting on here that they have known teachers who have taught again after a 2nd DUI does help, and prayer has been a huge encouragement. I know that I should be thankful I'm still here with a roof over my head and my health, but because it's still so fresh I still have trouble dealing with how much of a disappointment I am for throwing away my last chance. I know the struggle with alcohol is a difficult one and have put my mind to staying on the right track. I know that it's a positive that I'm taking this so hard because it means I recognize its seriousness, but at the same time I worry that if I'm taking this so hard now before I've even faced my consequences that my mind will only get darker with fear of my future once my consequences take place
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London
Posts: 172
Hi hipster and welcome.
Sorry for the silly question but iam in the uk, why will getting 2 dui stop you teaching?? Here in the uk you would just get a fine and a longer ban than the first time you got caught!!
Sorry for the silly question but iam in the uk, why will getting 2 dui stop you teaching?? Here in the uk you would just get a fine and a longer ban than the first time you got caught!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Downingtown
Posts: 5
Hercules, we have to renew our legal clearances every year to hand in to our schools and now that this is my 2nd DUI it will appear on my criminal record, leaving my job in the hands of the administration to decide whether or not to keep me
For Grace
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 92
Hi Hipster, I feel for you and all that you're going through. Maybe this is your rock bottom ... maybe you needed to fall mightily to realize all you suffer to lose. I don't think this will be your last chance however. Have you considered proactively going to the school administration and volunteering the information before they see it in a police report? I would think someone being honest, being repentant and contrite, and apologizing for your actions while admitting you have a disease might strike those in charge as exactly the kind of person they'd want teaching children. Those are all traits that your life experience is handing you right now and that everyone will deal with in some form or another throughout our time here. Maybe talk to your boss and ask for help while explaining you do NOT want to lose your job. Maybe there are some programs covered by the school insurance? Just trying to brainstorm some ideas ... please understand I feel your pain and you are not alone in this.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Originally Posted by hipster
Hercules, we have to renew our legal clearances every year to hand in to our schools and now that this is my 2nd DUI it will appear on my criminal record, leaving my job in the hands of the administration to decide whether or not to keep me
Does the administration take into consideration how you respond to this present difficulty? No matter what, now is a great opportunity for you to make sound decisions with a sober mind. Decisions that are good for you and everyone who loves you.
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