courage2

Raider, I don't post to you often but I've followed your path so far.

The fear we have of surrendering to spiritual and emotional pain actually makes us hold on to it. Giving it up by opening up to a counselor is a much, much gentler way than to go through the pain you feel by holding it in, or by trying to keep alcohol between you and it.

When my son was young, he broke his arm, but it was an incomplete break. The doctor on call in the ER said that either we could go to xray, wait, eventually they could sedate my son, rebreak the arm under sedation, wait for him to come out, and the process could take hours, or ...

He looked at me. My son was in such pain he didn't know what was being said. I said, ok.

He took the kid's arm and broke it. And it was done.

We got a temp cast & went home & so he started to mend.

Lola23

Raider - I don't know what exactly to say, but please know this...your posts have always touched me but the last one more than others. I've been through that too and its something that I have still not properly uncovered and dealt with. I think you showed true courage by posting it. You're not alone Raider. I echo others sentiment here and hope that you find peace and forgiveness for yourself. Please check back in with us, there are a lot of folks here who care.