I don't know exactly what I am supposed to DO ...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
I don't know exactly what I am supposed to DO ...
So what I am doing isn't working. I drank again last night. I can make it a few days on my own sober and then back to drinking. But my question to all of you, and I know Dee will ask, "What can you do differently? What is your plan?", is what exactly am I supposed to be DOING? I mean, literally, like what? Sit in an AA meeting (I have gone to them online, admittedly, not lately), come here? What exactly do I DO when I feel like drinking? Go for a walk? What?
Please give me some direction here because what I am doing obviously isn't working, but I literally don't know what to DO when I feel like drinking. I just drink and shrug, start over yet again. It gets old and I would like to try something different, but I am at a loss.
Advice?
Please give me some direction here because what I am doing obviously isn't working, but I literally don't know what to DO when I feel like drinking. I just drink and shrug, start over yet again. It gets old and I would like to try something different, but I am at a loss.
Advice?
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Hi Cecilia,
I think it's a good idea to start by trying to identify what triggers your drinking. For me this meant identifying what I was feeling and thinking any time I felt a strong urge to drink. I always get little urges here and there from sensory triggers such as seeing alcohol on TV or smelling something that gives me nostalgia. But the cravings that are the hardest to deal with are always driven by something deeper in my experience.
Have you gotten to the bottom of why you drink to begin with? The point of asking, "What can you do differently?" is that you know yourself better than any of us. Is there something that you can do that would make your life one that you can live without feeling the need for alcohol to fill a void?
This can take some swallowing of pride and serious introspection. But it also just may pay off for you.
You can figure this out Cecilia.
I think it's a good idea to start by trying to identify what triggers your drinking. For me this meant identifying what I was feeling and thinking any time I felt a strong urge to drink. I always get little urges here and there from sensory triggers such as seeing alcohol on TV or smelling something that gives me nostalgia. But the cravings that are the hardest to deal with are always driven by something deeper in my experience.
Have you gotten to the bottom of why you drink to begin with? The point of asking, "What can you do differently?" is that you know yourself better than any of us. Is there something that you can do that would make your life one that you can live without feeling the need for alcohol to fill a void?
This can take some swallowing of pride and serious introspection. But it also just may pay off for you.
You can figure this out Cecilia.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 251
I have been finding a TON to do. I drive and rent a movie, I go to the c store for a candy bar, I come on here, if I don't have to worry about sleeping (shift work) I'll brew a coffee in my Keurig... I love the fact that I'm not restricted to my home in the evenings (never wanted to risk a dui)....
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,850
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,850
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
In retrospect, for me, it wasn't so much all the things I did that cemented my sobriety (contrary to what many proclaim about action), as much as it was my deep desire to experience sobriety over continuing as a drinker.
Some days, when my head was spinning with info and "doing" things, I had to sit quietly and face myself. What was I doing? What did I want? Where was I going? Never have I wavered on one thing: I wanted to find out what life was like for a sober person. I wanted the sober experience. It was no longer ok or acceptable for me to destroy myself. I wanted to live.
So maybe this will help, maybe it won't. Maybe you need to hammer your head full of AA and force yourself through the Steps. We're all different in what actually gets the job done
Some days, when my head was spinning with info and "doing" things, I had to sit quietly and face myself. What was I doing? What did I want? Where was I going? Never have I wavered on one thing: I wanted to find out what life was like for a sober person. I wanted the sober experience. It was no longer ok or acceptable for me to destroy myself. I wanted to live.
So maybe this will help, maybe it won't. Maybe you need to hammer your head full of AA and force yourself through the Steps. We're all different in what actually gets the job done
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Cecilia44 
but I literally don't know what to DO when I feel like drinking. I just drink and shrug, start over yet again.
That just leads to caving in. So yes, you walk, listen to music, watch tv, read (especially recovery material), and tell your addiction NO, NO, NO, as many times as you have to.
It's not what you do, it's what you don't do. You DON'T drink.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
*For me*, finding my triggers was useless. Being awake was a trigger, essentially. I needed a PLAN to stop permanently and be happy. I have had long periods of clean time before, but I was miserable and ended up going back every time because the underlying problem is *me*.
I went to an addiction specialist and she helped me write a PLAN. That was easy. THEN, I followed the PLAN. Every day I followed it. It was really hard at times. Sober hours turned into sober days, then sober weeks, and so on. Almost 6 years later, I am still following my plan and know that I will never drink/drug as long as I follow it.
The kicker is that as a part of my plan, I addressed the underlying issue ---> ME. I am happier than I have ever been and my life is amazing.
BUT, I wasn't ready to do this work until I was ready. I really had to be *done* with the misery to finally leave it behind. That took me almost 20 years.
Glad you are here.
I went to an addiction specialist and she helped me write a PLAN. That was easy. THEN, I followed the PLAN. Every day I followed it. It was really hard at times. Sober hours turned into sober days, then sober weeks, and so on. Almost 6 years later, I am still following my plan and know that I will never drink/drug as long as I follow it.
The kicker is that as a part of my plan, I addressed the underlying issue ---> ME. I am happier than I have ever been and my life is amazing.
BUT, I wasn't ready to do this work until I was ready. I really had to be *done* with the misery to finally leave it behind. That took me almost 20 years.
Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Feeling like drinking isn't permission to drink. What you do is resist. Some people's resistance in strengthened by doing something, anything, besides sitting there arguing in one's head with one's addiction.
That just leads to caving in. So yes, you walk, listen to music, watch tv, read (especially recovery material), and tell your addiction NO, NO, NO, as many times as you have to.
It's not what you do, it's what you don't do. You DON'T drink.
That just leads to caving in. So yes, you walk, listen to music, watch tv, read (especially recovery material), and tell your addiction NO, NO, NO, as many times as you have to.
It's not what you do, it's what you don't do. You DON'T drink.
that pretty much sums it all up nicely.
just DO NOT drink.
anything BUT pick up that drink. Hell, I've organized cupboards and RE organized them to just get through tough times.
Cleaned out my makeup bag for the first time in ohhhh 10 years.
Filed all my papers away that were accumulating in a box.
anything to get past the craving when it comes. It gets easier with time.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
We quit drinking because we don't want any more bad stuff to happen to us. We also quit because we want good stuff to happen to us, sober stuff. That's the real reason we quit, huh?
So, Cecilia, instead of worrying about how not to do the drunk stuff, figure out what sober stuff you want. Decide what sober folks do, and then go do that.
So, Cecilia, instead of worrying about how not to do the drunk stuff, figure out what sober stuff you want. Decide what sober folks do, and then go do that.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
One big aspect of AA is having a sponsor. Do you have someone you trust who could help you with this when you fear you will drink?
Your other suggestions for yourself, go workout, come here to SR, those are very good ones. Stay busy!!!
Good luck to you!
Your other suggestions for yourself, go workout, come here to SR, those are very good ones. Stay busy!!!
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Cecilia,
If you are an alcoholic, you are an alcoholic every day. I would suggest you physically go to an AA meeting, and do it every day for the next 90 days. But more than that, get a sponsor who has what you want in sobriety and ask her to show you how she managed to get sober - and do what she suggests.
Sobriety takes a lot of effort in the early days, but it DOES get easier over time (ie several months). You can do this, there are lots of people on SR who have, but it takes effort every day to get there.
Good luck, you can do this!
If you are an alcoholic, you are an alcoholic every day. I would suggest you physically go to an AA meeting, and do it every day for the next 90 days. But more than that, get a sponsor who has what you want in sobriety and ask her to show you how she managed to get sober - and do what she suggests.
Sobriety takes a lot of effort in the early days, but it DOES get easier over time (ie several months). You can do this, there are lots of people on SR who have, but it takes effort every day to get there.
Good luck, you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
once again, I agree with Carl, I needed to have a plan. I couldnt just flounder around in my own head. AA meetings were OK but didn't really help me much except to realize I was not alone and there was a way out of addiction.
I was lucky to get a great sponsor who really understood the purpose of the Steps. I had a psychiatrist who helped me sort out other stuff. I did the work even though I didn't "get" it at the time. I did a lot of work on me. going to 50 AA meetings a day isn't going to get one sober. for me, too many meetings made it worse. Find a few meaningful meetings, like a Step Study. get involved.
I hope this helps. I wish I would have found meaningful recovery so much earlier in life! But maybe I wouldn't have understood it as well.
Love from Lenina
I was lucky to get a great sponsor who really understood the purpose of the Steps. I had a psychiatrist who helped me sort out other stuff. I did the work even though I didn't "get" it at the time. I did a lot of work on me. going to 50 AA meetings a day isn't going to get one sober. for me, too many meetings made it worse. Find a few meaningful meetings, like a Step Study. get involved.
I hope this helps. I wish I would have found meaningful recovery so much earlier in life! But maybe I wouldn't have understood it as well.
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
I have found that how bad a desire to use is, is often a matter of how much I have done my homework before it happens. I have found that just waiting around for the urge to hit and hoping things will work out . . . never works out. It's more about how I have prepared my mind to begin with for the urges I know are coming as surely as the day. Especially early on, you can bank on it. Your next crisis is coming. You have to get proactive.
All these suggestions you see here are good. They all work to prepare you for your moment of trial. They all help you focus on an alternative outcome -- an alternative mindset.
One thing I would add is the power of a good mantra or two. I hear people here say, for instance, "I can't drink." I have heard how recovering people will be at a party and they will be offered drinks and they will say, "I can't." And they repeat that as often as they need to until the people at the party shut up about it. You can repeat it to yourself as well, until you shut up about it. It's short, it's sweet, it's clear, it's laser focused and it's right on the money. If you practice telling yourself that you can't do a thing, you will start to believe it and if you can't drink, well, you won't. It's like self-hypnosis. You reprogram yourself. 15 minutes at the beginning of a day and 15 minutes at the end of a day before you go to bed -- as well as whenever it crosses your mind. You get still, you get quiet and you repeat: "I can't drink, I can't drink." Make it like a meditation and it will change your brain. Do that and everything else you can throw at it, including the kitchen sink, but I think you will like this little trick. It does wonders for me.
All these suggestions you see here are good. They all work to prepare you for your moment of trial. They all help you focus on an alternative outcome -- an alternative mindset.
One thing I would add is the power of a good mantra or two. I hear people here say, for instance, "I can't drink." I have heard how recovering people will be at a party and they will be offered drinks and they will say, "I can't." And they repeat that as often as they need to until the people at the party shut up about it. You can repeat it to yourself as well, until you shut up about it. It's short, it's sweet, it's clear, it's laser focused and it's right on the money. If you practice telling yourself that you can't do a thing, you will start to believe it and if you can't drink, well, you won't. It's like self-hypnosis. You reprogram yourself. 15 minutes at the beginning of a day and 15 minutes at the end of a day before you go to bed -- as well as whenever it crosses your mind. You get still, you get quiet and you repeat: "I can't drink, I can't drink." Make it like a meditation and it will change your brain. Do that and everything else you can throw at it, including the kitchen sink, but I think you will like this little trick. It does wonders for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Whatever you choose to do to quit drinking must be done consistently. Breaking habits is hard to do so I had to do things over and over again to engrain better, healthier habits.
If you use SR for support, come on here everyday single day. Even if you don't feel like it. Come on here at the same time everyday. Pick a time and commit to it. Even if you don't feel like it. Don't just read here. Comment on what you read. As you construct responses to someone else's question you are also processing answers for yourself. It makes you think About how you deal with things.
If you choose AA meetings, online or not, attend them, even if you don't feel like it. When I first got sober I did 90 meetings in ninety days at 6:00 a.m., every day. It was dark. It was bitterly cold and sometimes snowing, many mornings I didn't feel like going. But I went. It established new habits. I made a commitment to attend and I did.
Quitting is about denial. You have to deny yourself the easy answer and quick shrug of the shoulders that a drink will provide. If you want to stay quit you have to deny yourself alcohol. Even if you don't want to. You can do it.
If you use SR for support, come on here everyday single day. Even if you don't feel like it. Come on here at the same time everyday. Pick a time and commit to it. Even if you don't feel like it. Don't just read here. Comment on what you read. As you construct responses to someone else's question you are also processing answers for yourself. It makes you think About how you deal with things.
If you choose AA meetings, online or not, attend them, even if you don't feel like it. When I first got sober I did 90 meetings in ninety days at 6:00 a.m., every day. It was dark. It was bitterly cold and sometimes snowing, many mornings I didn't feel like going. But I went. It established new habits. I made a commitment to attend and I did.
Quitting is about denial. You have to deny yourself the easy answer and quick shrug of the shoulders that a drink will provide. If you want to stay quit you have to deny yourself alcohol. Even if you don't want to. You can do it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Cecilia44
So what I am doing isn't working. I drank again last night. I can make it a few days on my own sober and then back to drinking. But my question to all of you, and I know Dee will ask, "What can you do differently? What is your plan?", is what exactly am I supposed to be DOING? I mean, literally, like what? Sit in an AA meeting (I have gone to them online, admittedly, not lately), come here? What exactly do I DO when I feel like drinking? Go for a walk? What?
Please give me some direction here because what I am doing obviously isn't working, but I literally don't know what to DO when I feel like drinking. I just drink and shrug, start over yet again. It gets old and I would like to try something different, but I am at a loss.
Advice?
Please give me some direction here because what I am doing obviously isn't working, but I literally don't know what to DO when I feel like drinking. I just drink and shrug, start over yet again. It gets old and I would like to try something different, but I am at a loss.
Advice?
In unison with AA I garner support from this wonderful resource = SR. Lots of wisdom here, take what works
Different members resonate with each of us. That's is truly the beauty of this online forum with a diverse group of people. There is plenty of "traffic" here and many threads. I could not rely on self will. It works for some or many, no idea - but did not for me.
Glad you are here, keep posting!
Psalm 118:24
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