Color

Hi,

I am feeling incredibly guilty. I only lasted 4 days without a drink :-(
I was doing so well - fairly emotional on Day 1, but came good on Day 2 and 3. I don't even know what was the trigger was for me to drink. I'm useless.

I should have logged onto SR, instead of dropping past the bottle shop.

How do you be successful at this???

Dee74

you're not useless - or the first person to underestimate the task

I posted here every day, several times a day. I posted when I was vulnerable.
I made changes in my life to reflect y desire to be sober.

You'll get this Color

D

Nonsensical

By remembering that this:
is what drinking REALLY does for me. It's not all that happy crap that goes through my head when I am thinking about it before the bottle shop. It is the gateway to feeling miserable. Why do I need that?

ScottFromWI

You can have success by surrounding yourself with support and reaching out instead of reaching for a bottle. Do you have access to any local meetings or other face to face suppoet? That can be very helpful, especially early on. Keep trying....you will find a way if you never stop trying.

Color

Thanks D.
I really hope I succeed at this. I know I'm slowly killing myself, but I don't seem to have the strength to stop - I am useless. I really do want to stop, I hate the guilt, the lies, the feeling sick etc. However, I seem to always end up buying myself more alcohol when I run out.....

Color

I have been considering going to an AA meeting, but am totally scared about it.

Mags1

Hi Color I was similar to you, I wanted to stop but my desire to drink stronger, until the next day and so on.

It took a shock for me to jolt to reality of what I was doing to myself.

Coldfusion

Many of us who are at AA meetings were frightened of our first meeting. Because we remember this, we are eager to help anyone overcome fear of a first meeting. If you call AA, often they can arrange to have someone meet you before and accompany you to your first meeting.

Color

Hi Mags,

Problem is, I do know what I'm doing to myself. And that isn't even enough for me to stop....
Sorry, feeling very down and angry at myself at the moment. I failed again!!

Dee74

Try to think of it this way - you want to stop, or you wouldn't be here.

You're addicted tho and your addiction is the thing ramping up the fear, and causing the ambivalance.

You need to take back the reins.

Your addiction will scream its otherwise, but you - the real, sane, genuine you - has the power

D

Mags1

Color, I did know I was harming myself with booze, pains in my liver, bloated red, ruddy face, swelling ankles, anxiety, to name a few.

What I didn't know was how much I was hurting my relationships with husband, family, friends and life.

Deciding I don't drink anymore, was the best single life changing I did. Yes, the road was rough but I didn't drink so I couldn't pick up. I had to deal with my life problems, sober.

It does get better, as Dee says, take the reins.

ubntubnt

I think its worth dwelling on the moment that you picked up that first drink. where were you? who were you with? Do you regularly drink at that time, maybe out of habit? Any particular emotions of thoughts that you may have reacted to? Were you upset that day?
Stopping that first drink and having tools to combat it is the first step to never picking up

goose333

Color,
We've all been there. Don't beat yourself up. Instead, make a new plan and start again. Get yourself very very busy. Do some exercise. When that AV voice starts up again, just say no to it. Tell it that you'll consider it's suggestions tomorrow, but not today.
If you got to four days, you probably started to feel just a little bit better physically. THAT will get even better, so tell yourself to stick with it because you want to see what I'm talking about. You CAN do this.

Ruby2

We've all been there. I found that once I started feeling better I was more vulnerable. Our bodies have short term memory loss when it comes to pain and shame. Once that clears away we start thinking " hey, that wasn't so bad. I can moderate." Then we drink and repeat the cycle. Ubntubnt has some good pointers. What are your habits at that time? We have to break the cycle somehow so put some thought into what was going on in your head and physically. Then do something totally opposite. Breaking habits is uncomfortable at first so you have to deal with that feeling too but it gets easier the more you do it.

Hang in there. AA meetings are a good place to stop off instead of the bottle shop.

Soberwolf

You have our full support Color

I too agree with D take the reigns

Anna

Color, you can do this and you must not give up. Alcoholism is relentless, so you must keep trying. Know that you can make it past the 3rd or 4th day. It's your AV that is trying to make you believe you can't do this.

deadlydame

By doing exactly what you are doing, Color. By reaching out and trying out again. Many of us are in the same shoes as yours. As long as we keep trying, that is the key. and you are far from useless, trust me! Hang in there, Color!

Nonsensical

Your post was inaccurate, so I fixed it. There are exactly ZERO failures posting on this website, and that includes you. The failures give up and we never hear from them again. You're still in the fight.

Get up, dust off, and plan for Friday - your next day 4. How are you going to get past it this time?

PurpleKnight

Don't beat yourself up Color!!

It took me a long time to crack it but it can be done, the key was to know what the hurdles are, for me it was also after 4/5 days, so knowing it's going to happen means we can put a plan in place for Day 4 to make sure you make it to Day 5, even if that means locking yourself in your house, watching box sets, playing puzzles, or logging onto SR every 10mins, something to just make it through to a Week and then take things from there!!

You can do this, tweak your plan and you can make it happen!!

newhope01

That is an excellent way to look at the situation. Thanks Dee.