Lovesunrises

Hi everyone. I'm new here and looking for support from people who understand. From the reading I have done on this site, it seems like a very caring community. A little about me...I am in my early 50's and have been trying to quit drinking for 2 years now. I went to inpatient, did an outpatient program, went to AA, got a therapist, and just can't make sobriety stick. I had 100 days sober last year and blew it. Over the past year, I have had a few weeks here and there, a couple of days in a row here and there, and always return to the wine bottle. I got divorced 6 years ago, and my drinking really escalated after that. My kids were all adults and out of the home, and I was really lonely and depressed. I used the bottle for comfort. Oh, and to top it off I have been stuck in a very stressful job I hate for 8 years now. That is a story in itself, but my job is a specialized one and it's not easy to get another one easily for the pay I receive. I need this job to live, so I can't just quit. I support myself with no assistance and I am very responsible when it comes to my personal finances. I just feel so hopeless and depressed. I know drinking doesn't help the depression. I guess I just need some advice on what some of you have done to stay sober once and for all. I need to get off this rollercoaster, but I always seem to justify my drinking by saying to myself...who cares anyway? I spend all of my time either at work or home by myself (the kids all live out of state). I'm sorry for this pity party I'm having for myself, I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

OnMyWay7

Hi Lovesunrises. I'm also in my early 50s but my kids are still at home but somehow I don't think that makes much difference. I drank when they were home and when they aren't. It is hard finding things to do in place of drinking. I was drinking for so many years it fells like i had HOURS of time inbetween work and bed - So I'm joining yoga, going for messages, making plans with people who don't drink. You don't need friends (though my drinking I pretty much isolated myself) so I'm making new ones through the YMCA, yoga etc. Even if they're not "friends" yet some surely will be in the future. I actually am not worring about that I'm worring about keeping busy and finding things I like to do in place of drinking. For me my liver was nice enough to give me a wake up call but I've known for a long time I need to stop. I hope you realize that you should stop for you... imagen how much fun YOU could have if you stopped, how much better you'd feel. Don't do it for your kids (though they will benefit) do it for you. You have to spend so much time with you - it would be nice if you were fun - you know for you.

I sound funny but if you think about it - you deserve to be happy and have fun. Go 100 days, go to meetings (maybe you'll make some friends) if you need a pen pal I'll be one (but remember I'm new also) and we'll work through this together.

It's up to you - get off the couch throw out the booze and start tomorrow - Day 1

Dee74

Hi and welcome lovesunrises
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here.

It's not easy to quit, but you're not alone.

I wasn't a parent but I was housebound a lot of the time, and I turned to drinking too.

The good news is I got sober in the same house I got drunk in - SR really helped me turn things around - I know we can help you too

D

Soberwolf

Welcome Lovesunrises, nice to meet you

I know you done inpatient, outpatient,therapist etc but maybe time to try something diffrent

Good luck

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, lovesunrises. We are here for you 24/7/365.

Frostyfrost

You sound liky my dad. He died a few weeks ago, he was 53 and couldn't stop drinking,tried here and there and three years was his longest stretch ever.
He fell down to stairs drunk in the night and smashed his head on the stone floor, my 14 year old sister found him in the morning when she was up for school, face smashed into the floor and blood everywhere, and my mum thought he was snoring drunk in the hall but it was actually the sound of blood gurgling in his throat, so she didn't get up to see becuase he was always drunk and snored, so it didn't seem abnormal.
He was on life support for a week and was told if he lived he would be severely brain damaged. Three months later he woke out of his coma. Couldn't talk, couldn't walk, couldn't eat, wore nappies, just made noises and dribbled, he went into a care facility for a few weeks.
He missed my wedding and never saw his two,grandchildren after they had been born. He choked on his own saliva and died.
I hope this will give you an incentive to put the bottle down.

Gonnachange

Welcome. "Who cares anyway?" You do. Take time to think about what your interests and passions are. You are now in a position to explore them. That will enrich your life and put you in touch with people of similar interests.

Notmyrealname

Everybody fails until they succeed. I hope you will keep trying. You got 100 days in a row, so you have some experience.

I am sort of in the same boat re: being stuck in a job you hate that's specialized so it's hard to get out, and putting a kid through college right now so my finances are stretched. But booze doesn't help any of that, it just makes it worse and saps your ability to grow and build motivation.

Good luck

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Ruby2

I feel stuck and trapped in a job that in some ways is soul sucking but which I can't easily replace, making what I make now. I try to look at the positives of what it gives me. A reason to get up and out of the house in the morning. It's a job and pays the bills. I get some social interaction. Those outweigh the negatives. I hate the commute, it's not overly challenging, etc.

Pick don't define myself by my job. It's just what I do during the day to pay the bills. I have to use the rest of my time to craft the life I want. Drinking didn't let me do that. Teebee has some excellent points. Fill that time. Define yourself by the things you choose to do apart from work.

Kids out of the house is hard but I drank while mine were and are here. I'm fifty but have a six and nine year old. All that stuff you talked about it just stuff to work around and through. You can do it. Really. I absolutely hated my job for a while but I've reached detente with it now. Come here for support. Go to AA meetings for face to face time and to fill the early evenings when you would drink. Change your perspectives. You have a job and that's something to be grateful for. I'm writing this as I'm processing the fact that my husband just told me a half hour ago he is being laid off. So, there are worse things.

b086

thanks for the post...very relatable. a lot of good tips already.

i will add that there does seem to be a kind of "escape velocity" we need to achieve in early sobriety -- a combination of willingness to change and support to make it happen which allows us to make sobriety a habit instead of drinking. this is not easy, but there are many different strategies that will work. i used a combination of AA (fellowship + step work + sponsorship), meditation, too much coffee and ice cream, exercise, phone calls, and sometimes just sitting on my hands until the urges passed. they do pass eventually, guaranteed...and now i basically never experience them. you can do this!!!

Hevyn

Pleased to meet you lovesunrises.

The best thing about being here is you're never alone, 24/7. There's always someone around to listen and offer support. I felt so much better when I could talk things over here. I hope you'll feel the same. Never give up reaching out for a better life.

Thepatman

Very raw, sad, touching. Sometimes putting things in this shocking straight way is what people need. I sure held my breath reading it. So thank you for sharing. And sorry about your dad's tragic end. Alcoholism truly has 3 possible outcome, insanity, prison, or death.

Thanks for reminding me why I choose sobriety. Blessings.

JadedGirl

Hey I kinda get where your coming from in the respect that my drinking certainly got a lot worse since I've been on my own. I have my daughter at home but she spends a lot of time upstairs on her iPad etc (that age) and I think loneliness and boredom are a bad mix when it comes to alcohol dependency. My bottle of wine became my friend, partner and the one thing I looked forward to every night. It really is possible too. It's kinda hard to stay away from places and people you drink with when u drink alone at home but you can do it. We all justify our drinking for whatever reason but asking who cares? You are the most important person to care about yourself. I'm sure your kids, no matter how old or far away care and now ur here we all care too. Take it one day at a time and no matter how much you've been to inpatient and outpatient programmes ultimately it's only you that can do this! Xx

Lovesunrises

Thanks to each and every one of you for your kind replies. Your responses made me feel better already. Tonight, instead of drinking my normal bottle of wine when I got home from work, I made myself a nice steak dinner. I will definitely come here when I get the urge to drink, and I know it will happen...it always does with me after a few days of abstinence. I'm going to figure out some activities to keep me occupied during my normal "drinking time". One of those will be to join the gym and start working out again. I used too swim competitively and even ran a marathon when I was in my 40's...imagine that, and I ended up turning into a lonely, depressed wino with no motivation at all! This must change.

philly76

Thank you so much for venting. You're speaking to my struggle. First and foremost, I have no answers. But I'm right where you are. The struggle to find another way out can't be understated.

airwick

Lovesunrise:

This is my lucky day! I think I am going to get lots of support when I turn 50 (Wednesday). So far today I have already met 4 women who are said to be in their 50tys. I knew I was not the only one!!

It does get lonely, I can speak for that one. I've been sober for a little over 10 months. I'm not in the dating scene. Not sure if I'm really ready. Been divorced for slightly over a year, but have a 13 year old boy. My Pride and Joy I might add.

I'm more of the one-on-one type. So mingling is something that I really don't adjust to well.

I hope you stay around for awhile, SR is a really nice place to come to when your either feeling good or bad!!! It is what keeps me sober

....I'm the opposite of you and some others. I don't really want to drink by myself,it's when I see other people drinking is when I want to join in.

I went to a fund raiser for my son's Boy Scouts. This was the first time I was out for over an hour (two) sence my divorce. I was handling the Raffles, and listening to the band. Just seeing everybody drinking and dancing was a bit difficult. I then realized I am not ready, yet, to go out and participate in the "Nightlife". Maybe next year I still have a bit more work to do on me