And Then I Was Sober for 1 Year...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 369
And Then I Was Sober for 1 Year...
Today is ONE YEAR SOBER for me. Ironically, it snuck up on me. But my trusty sober calculator notified me, today is the big anniversary. Wow.
Can I be so selfish and tell the gory details? okay. I will.
One year ago today, I was at my office, hungover. Face and hands bloated. Tired. Embarrassed after another day and night of sneaky, lying behavior. The night before I risked what little stability, financial and otherwise, we'd built in the new city we called home, after driving home drunk from a 'girls night'. What I didn't tell my husband then, was that my nervousness or anticipation over the girls night, meant I started the party that day. I made up a meeting to my colleagues, that 'would go into working lunch.' I went home and drank two bottles of wine over the course of the afternoon and passed out. I woke up at 4, enough to straighten myself up and ready to go back to my office for an hour and then to my girls night. At girls night, which was basically low-key 'wine and cheese for three new friends' I proceeded to lap each of the other women in pours. We smoked cigarettes and talked, I think I cried, I embellished most every story I told and every fact I shared. I drank more. 'One more before I have to go home!'
My husband was home with our new daughter. All in, I'd say I drank 4-5 bottles of wine that day. I was drunkenly lucid when I get home. I picked a fight. Started crying. Passed out. I woke up at 3:00 am, head throbbing, thirsty, mind racing to remember the day/night. Who did I call? Why was I crying? Did I text anyone? What must they think of me. Sadly, this routine was just that, routine. Take some motrin. Chug some water. Do my recon in the morning and make everything okay, make sure everyone still likes me. Take the day off of drinking and start again on the weekend....when my alarm went off at 6:00 am, I was already awake. I rolled over to my husband, 'I'm an alcoholic.' 'I know,' he said.
That morning the clock of sobriety started ticking. I got to the office and did my recon. I made sure everyone still liked me and got honest with myself about how much I didn't like me. I made an appointment with every person in my arsenal, therapist, dr's, holistic treatments and started the de-tox- mental and physical and dug in and started doing the work. I told everyone in my inner circle, I needed help. I didn't attend AA meetings. I had in the past but it didn't jive with me in the way it does for others. I needed some one-on-one to figure out how I got there and how I was going to get out. I avoided happy hours, I avoided lots of social events, called places before hand to see if they served non-alcoholic beer when I was ready for that step. I started seeing a trainer with friends in an effort to replace our happy hours, with something healthy. I started doing more social breakfasts and lunches. Eventually I accepted invitations to dinners and concerts and happy hours and weddings and then, I was living a normal life without booze and telling new friends 'I don't drink,' and not thinking anything of it.
This past year was hard. There were a lot of tears. A lot of honesty - with myself, about myself, with others, about others that used to petrify me. There have been a lot of situations I've failed and a lot that have sucked but just as many that I've nailed and done great by being myself. Today, I know I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink tomorrow. Can I say I'll never drink again? No. That doesn't work for me. Today, I feel proud of myself for my One Year but I also feel some caginess going on in the back of my head, so I made an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and will work it out. I have new ways of coping, new methods of dealing with my anxiety. Imagine that.
Am I on the other side of this disease? No. Will I ever be free of it? No. But I am healthy enough to know those two things. Today, that's what keeps me sober.
This site (specifically, the Moms forum) has been at the center of my journey. The people I have found here, seeing that so many of you are like me, are trying to get through just like me. There's no me and 'them'. It's us and I'm proud to be among you in the fight.
Love to you all!
Onward.
Can I be so selfish and tell the gory details? okay. I will.
One year ago today, I was at my office, hungover. Face and hands bloated. Tired. Embarrassed after another day and night of sneaky, lying behavior. The night before I risked what little stability, financial and otherwise, we'd built in the new city we called home, after driving home drunk from a 'girls night'. What I didn't tell my husband then, was that my nervousness or anticipation over the girls night, meant I started the party that day. I made up a meeting to my colleagues, that 'would go into working lunch.' I went home and drank two bottles of wine over the course of the afternoon and passed out. I woke up at 4, enough to straighten myself up and ready to go back to my office for an hour and then to my girls night. At girls night, which was basically low-key 'wine and cheese for three new friends' I proceeded to lap each of the other women in pours. We smoked cigarettes and talked, I think I cried, I embellished most every story I told and every fact I shared. I drank more. 'One more before I have to go home!'
My husband was home with our new daughter. All in, I'd say I drank 4-5 bottles of wine that day. I was drunkenly lucid when I get home. I picked a fight. Started crying. Passed out. I woke up at 3:00 am, head throbbing, thirsty, mind racing to remember the day/night. Who did I call? Why was I crying? Did I text anyone? What must they think of me. Sadly, this routine was just that, routine. Take some motrin. Chug some water. Do my recon in the morning and make everything okay, make sure everyone still likes me. Take the day off of drinking and start again on the weekend....when my alarm went off at 6:00 am, I was already awake. I rolled over to my husband, 'I'm an alcoholic.' 'I know,' he said.
That morning the clock of sobriety started ticking. I got to the office and did my recon. I made sure everyone still liked me and got honest with myself about how much I didn't like me. I made an appointment with every person in my arsenal, therapist, dr's, holistic treatments and started the de-tox- mental and physical and dug in and started doing the work. I told everyone in my inner circle, I needed help. I didn't attend AA meetings. I had in the past but it didn't jive with me in the way it does for others. I needed some one-on-one to figure out how I got there and how I was going to get out. I avoided happy hours, I avoided lots of social events, called places before hand to see if they served non-alcoholic beer when I was ready for that step. I started seeing a trainer with friends in an effort to replace our happy hours, with something healthy. I started doing more social breakfasts and lunches. Eventually I accepted invitations to dinners and concerts and happy hours and weddings and then, I was living a normal life without booze and telling new friends 'I don't drink,' and not thinking anything of it.
This past year was hard. There were a lot of tears. A lot of honesty - with myself, about myself, with others, about others that used to petrify me. There have been a lot of situations I've failed and a lot that have sucked but just as many that I've nailed and done great by being myself. Today, I know I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink tomorrow. Can I say I'll never drink again? No. That doesn't work for me. Today, I feel proud of myself for my One Year but I also feel some caginess going on in the back of my head, so I made an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and will work it out. I have new ways of coping, new methods of dealing with my anxiety. Imagine that.
Am I on the other side of this disease? No. Will I ever be free of it? No. But I am healthy enough to know those two things. Today, that's what keeps me sober.
This site (specifically, the Moms forum) has been at the center of my journey. The people I have found here, seeing that so many of you are like me, are trying to get through just like me. There's no me and 'them'. It's us and I'm proud to be among you in the fight.
Love to you all!
Onward.
congrats on one year and thank you for sharing that!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
congratulations on 1 year. your post really spoke to me. i once went for a hospital appointment in the morning of a working day. for some reason i decided i didn't have to go back to work, and bought a half bottle of vodka on the way home. woke up on my sofa at 3pm to a number of confused voicemails from my manager. i brushed my teeth and went back to work, explaining the 'long delay at the hospital'.
ugh, it gives me the horrors to think of it now. i need to remember it though...as i head towards my first year sober.
thank you.
ugh, it gives me the horrors to think of it now. i need to remember it though...as i head towards my first year sober.
thank you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Fantastic! Thank you for sharing and congratulations on one year. I used to go home and drink at lunch. It makes my toes curl in shame. But we aren't living that life anymore. We don't drink, thank you very much.
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