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A black cloud

Old 01-24-2015, 05:52 AM
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A black cloud

Hi Everyone
I'm on day 13 and feeling better than I did 13 days ago. I still have a lot of work to do. I wanted to get some imput on this. For the last year it seems like I've had a "black cloud" hanging over me. Not getting good jobs that I try for,Vehicles breaking down left and right, not being happy/content at all, money issues etc. Is there something to this? a cycle of life,karma or somehow doing it to myself? This has really been getting to me a lot lately. Is there a point in sobriety where things just start falling into place? I'm trying not to feel like woe is me,but this is really affecting me and making me feel really anxiouse alot of the time. Any advice or imput would be appreciated.
Thanks for listening....
Tony
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Old 01-24-2015, 05:56 AM
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what are you doing today to make things more positive for you? gratitude list comes to mind. no drinking, alive, sober. Congratulations on 13 days! This is amazing!!!!!!!

for me, sobriety is action.....that black cloud is shifting now and in time, life will be sunshine and roses (or closer to this).
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Old 01-24-2015, 06:04 AM
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Cycles of good and bad happen to everyone. I truly believe that life is what you make of it ( vs predetermined or destined by karma, etc ). Rather than dwelling on the past, perhaps concentrate on the fact that you now have almost 2 weeks sober and a full sober day ahead of you to do anyting you want to. Also remember that you are very, very early into sobriety and it takes your body and mind time to recover. You are doing just fine..keep it up!
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Old 01-24-2015, 06:13 AM
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Thanks guys. I should of wrote a little more. I'm gratefull for what is going right. I know it could be a lot worst. I'm just trying to figure out if these problems are something I can have some control over I want to figure out how to fix it. Some of these are very important like a job etc.
Thanks everyone....
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Old 01-24-2015, 06:25 AM
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I know what you mean about the black cloud. I have had a lot of things happen this last year that just seemed like it was going to beat me into submission. One I blamed for sending me back to the bottle after 64 days. I didnt think I had a problem then, so I used it as an excuse to drink. Now, I know and have admitted I have a problem. Alcohol has a way of amplifying the lows, in my opinion. I heard a preacher once say the shepards prayer says " I walk through the valley of the shadow of death", not lie down, build a home or wallow in it. So its a path, one we all take, but we don't have to live there. Keep on walking, and come out the other side sober, stronger, and wiser to handle the next valley down the road.
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Old 01-24-2015, 06:27 AM
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We do have influence on most everything in our lives, but not control over everything. If we put good stuff in, good stuff or better stuff "generally" comes out. It is what we make it. Sobriety enables me to contribute positively, but sobriety does not make things good. It is what I do sober that makes things good. If I just put down the drink and do nothing else, then nothing changes. My life was also in a black cloud because I continued to do stupid things or not move forward when drinking. Things have changed to say the least. Quitting drinking did not do it. Quitting drinking just allowed me the opportunity.
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Old 01-24-2015, 06:37 AM
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Well done on 13 days i think scott is spot on
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Old 01-24-2015, 06:39 AM
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I've had years like that. Where absolutely nothing seemed like it was going right. Before, because I was feeling miserable, sick and shaky most of the time, the bad things seemed to be amplified to reflect my mood. I think when we are drinking we give the bad stuff more space in our heads and crowd out or fail to notice the positives, big or small.

I've found that even sober I hit bumps in the road but I'm better able to work through or around the bumps. The bad stuff still happens but I see the good now more than the bad. A gratitude list is a good idea. It puts on paper the things we have to be thankful for. My car had a lot of stuff go wrong. It cost a lot to fix. But, I had a car. I had money to fix it, and now it's running really well. I took a strongly encouraged transfer at work, almost a demotion because my drinking was out of control. I'm not always happy with my current slot but I I'm grateful I have a job and I managed to swing time for rehab to get sober.

Sometimes it's a matter of putting a different spin on events to force myself to look for the good in what seems to be a bad event. It takes practice. Good job on 13 days. That's great.
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Old 01-24-2015, 07:03 AM
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13 days sober for any alcoholic is a good
accomplishment. Yet for me when I was
in rehab after a family intervention, 13 days
wasn't even a drop in the bucket of recovery.

When I left at 28 days sober, it still wasn't
a drop. However, each day sober away from
my last drunk was an accomplishment.

Over time, listening, learning, absorbing
and applying a program of recovery taught
to me in rehab and from ALL those members
who learned how to remain sober for a many
days down the road, I began to build a strong,
solid recovery foundation built with strength,
courage, hope, willingness, openmindedness,
faith, experiences etc.

It takes time to allow our minds, bodies and
souls to heal and get heathy. It just aint gonna
happen over night. All those days I drank and
what I put my body thru, I did some damage.

Not just physical damage due to a horrible
car accident that landed me in the hospital
for 10 days with them removing my punctured
spleen so I wouldn't bleed to death along with
numerous broken ribs and bones as a result
of hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the
ground, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Living life under the enfluence lieing, cheating,
stealing, manipulating, being cruel, sarcastic,
all those things that darken our souls and minds
is and was not the life I believe I was meant
to live.

Things in my life had to happen in order
for me to wake up and learn how to live
life without alcohol poisoning me.

Today, I don't regret my journey in life
that ive been traveling thus so far. After
accepting people, places and things in life
just as they are has given me a wonderful
gift of acceptance and graditude.

Don't rush building your recovery foundation
because if we rush then there is a greater
possibility of it all come crashing down.
Remembering life is a journey of experiences
that we connect together to achieve a healthy,
happy, honest life to live upon for yrs to come.

One Step At A Time.
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Old 01-24-2015, 07:42 AM
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I think we're all death rough stretches every once in a while.

But I also believe that if you stay focused on sobriety and keep your head up, you will start seeing the changes you want to see.

Hang in there nvguy
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Old 01-24-2015, 07:48 AM
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Action creates changes and results.

But it can take time for the seeds you plant to grow. Take jobs for example. You can find a good one. But you must send many resumes, do many interviews, wait for the hiring process. Patience is not something we are born with.
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Old 01-24-2015, 09:22 AM
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This may be way off base for you, but looking at my own "black cloud" I can honestly say that it is mostly a result of my active drinking for so many years. I would put things off until I was ready to deal with them, which would seldom happen. So things like routine car maintenance (oil change, tire rotation, tune up) would go way too long without being addressed. Wait long enough and the car is going to have problems. I've also amassed a significant amount of debt, and taking "sick" days off from work when hungover is completely counterproductive.

As far as everything falling into place goes...hmm. I hope it does. I'm just picturing myself with the pieces of a puzzle in front of me and I keep tossing them into the air and seeing where they will land. I would be better served by looking closely at each individual piece and considering the bigger picture. Maybe this piece could go...here. Puzzles can take a long time to put together, with a little trial-and-error and a lot of deliberation and patience. But every time a new connection is made it is exciting and encouraging.

It's made even more difficult by the fact that I'm not really sure what the bigger picture that the puzzle displays is supposed to look like.

Sorry to be so long-winded. It's just that your "falling into place" question got me thinking about my own stuff.

Keep at it nvguy. Great job on 13 days!
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Old 01-24-2015, 09:46 AM
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Good for you with 13 days sober.

I think that you get back what you put out there. I hope that things turn around for you soon.
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Old 01-24-2015, 01:37 PM
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Hi nvguy - I don't believe in bad luck cycles and I don't believe that Karma manifests itself in a My Name is Earl kinda way...

we all have good stuff happen to us, and bad.

What I do believe is a lot of bad stuff happened to me when I was drinking because my focus was on drinking...I wasn't taking care of business - I was just rolling along with the tide, drinking.

It's worth mentioning too I had a very low threshold of pain for bad stuff.

Having bad stuff happen is actually not entirely a bad thing for an active alcoholic either, because every bad thing was another chance to drink.

I could have fixed stuff, but I drank instead.

When I first got sober, I really noticed anything bad because I'd yet to work out ways to deal with bad stuff apart from drinking...
but it's a pretty swift learning curve nvguy and you'll get there

With a little sobriety my head cleared and I began to dig myself of all the bad consequences I'd accumulated - it may take some time, but you will too

D
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Old 01-24-2015, 01:50 PM
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Nvguy,

Congrats on a remarkable 13 days of sobriety!

And as your sobriety lengthens and your perspective has more clarity, you'll see you have come a long way and have a ways to go!

Come Walk with Us! The journey is one you won't want to miss.
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