Feeling overwhelmed and fed up :-(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
Feeling overwhelmed and fed up :-(
Feeling a bit overwhelmed tonight. Friday night again...second one without any drink :-( Feel proud of myself in a way but craving again. Friday nights are just not the same now.
Friend haven't seen for a while asked me to stay over next weekend and had to explain I'm not drinking any more. Luckily she didn't really ask why and just said we don't have to drink but felt really awkward having to say it and now I'm panicking about what if she still offers me a drink and says "just one u may as well" or something. I don't want that temptation.
Don't really like staying places overnight either, think I shut myself away with my wine for so long over the years I've got used to being here in the safe and comfort of my own house but I can't say no. Don't know why I find it so hard to say no. Maybe it'll be good for me but it's just making me think of all the times I'll have to explain and maybe be tempted. Last few days my heads been trying to tell me maybe I'll be ok just having one but I know I won't!
I'm sure I'm putting weight on too and I'm scared I'll go back to unhealthy ways of controlling my weight. Sorry for the moan I just feel so fed up tonight!
Friend haven't seen for a while asked me to stay over next weekend and had to explain I'm not drinking any more. Luckily she didn't really ask why and just said we don't have to drink but felt really awkward having to say it and now I'm panicking about what if she still offers me a drink and says "just one u may as well" or something. I don't want that temptation.
Don't really like staying places overnight either, think I shut myself away with my wine for so long over the years I've got used to being here in the safe and comfort of my own house but I can't say no. Don't know why I find it so hard to say no. Maybe it'll be good for me but it's just making me think of all the times I'll have to explain and maybe be tempted. Last few days my heads been trying to tell me maybe I'll be ok just having one but I know I won't!
I'm sure I'm putting weight on too and I'm scared I'll go back to unhealthy ways of controlling my weight. Sorry for the moan I just feel so fed up tonight!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
For me learning to say no is critical and also difficult. I always try to avoid disappointing people. But the time so be selfish and put my sobriety first has come.
You are happy at home, then stay home. Whatever YOU feel like doing is top priority. Rock on!
You are happy at home, then stay home. Whatever YOU feel like doing is top priority. Rock on!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
There's always going to be a few off days, even in Sobriety, how's your HALT triggers (Hungry, Angry, Tired, Lonely)?
Sometimes a good meal or a good sleep can make all the difference, waking up tomorrow you may feel completely different!!
Hang in there!!
Sometimes a good meal or a good sleep can make all the difference, waking up tomorrow you may feel completely different!!
Hang in there!!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
hello ,
First weekend is never really a bundle of laughs y'know …. What you are doing is investing in your future by staying sober though.
You only have to get through tonight and it will be bedtime in a bit … tomorrow is a new day and something different will be going on in the world .
When we first stop we only seem to change a little bit but with time as long as we keep on learning and making positive changes then we can end up living a whole different life than the one that went before …
I know where 20 years of drinking got me … I don't know where 20 years of not drinking will get me , I'm hopeful that it will be better .. after 3 years sober i think that it will be somewhere far more comfortable, secure and loving as that is whats happened so far on this short journey .
I just keep humble, keep trying to make progress each day . Remain thankful for this shot at life i've been given.
You have given up something that leads to hangovers , poor relationship choices , poor decision making , organ damage , high blood pressure , money mismanagement , emotional instability ,
Keep on the right path
Bestwishes, m
First weekend is never really a bundle of laughs y'know …. What you are doing is investing in your future by staying sober though.
You only have to get through tonight and it will be bedtime in a bit … tomorrow is a new day and something different will be going on in the world .
When we first stop we only seem to change a little bit but with time as long as we keep on learning and making positive changes then we can end up living a whole different life than the one that went before …
I know where 20 years of drinking got me … I don't know where 20 years of not drinking will get me , I'm hopeful that it will be better .. after 3 years sober i think that it will be somewhere far more comfortable, secure and loving as that is whats happened so far on this short journey .
I just keep humble, keep trying to make progress each day . Remain thankful for this shot at life i've been given.
You have given up something that leads to hangovers , poor relationship choices , poor decision making , organ damage , high blood pressure , money mismanagement , emotional instability ,
Keep on the right path
Bestwishes, m
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
I don't know, maybe feel different when feel a bit better generally. Just makes me realise I'm gna have to face telling ppl and being around it all at some point. Cravings are just bad tonight. HALT? Well I'm not hungry I've just eaten a whole tub of Ben and Jerry's (ugh)... Angry..yea at myself for not being able to get rid of the cravings tonight, Lonely...well I'm a single mum kinda comes with the territory lol...tired...kinda but drinking lotsa coffee (refuse to have an early night on a Friday. X
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
I know; I get it, JadedGirl.
Sorry you are feeling fed-up tonight. It takes some time to finally get comfortable in our sober skin and it's not always easy getting there.
If it's just going to be you and your friend next weekend doing things together (and not a group), maybe you could let her know that you are excited about the visit but what to make sure that she understands that drinking is off the table.
Sorry you are feeling fed-up tonight. It takes some time to finally get comfortable in our sober skin and it's not always easy getting there.
If it's just going to be you and your friend next weekend doing things together (and not a group), maybe you could let her know that you are excited about the visit but what to make sure that she understands that drinking is off the table.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
feel bad saying drinking is off the table like I'm saying she can't even tho I know I can't be around it. Will say again nearer time tho. Just feel really pissed off tonight at all the people who can drink and just enjoy it...think I'm really jealous and that's a horrible trait and it's not their fault!! Just feel angry and frustrated at myself and at everyone else x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
I felt that way in early sobriety, too. I didn't want to be different; I didn't want to be an alcoholic. Now it just IS and it's okay but that didn't happen overnight.
It may not feel like it to you at the moment, but you are doing well!!!!!
It may not feel like it to you at the moment, but you are doing well!!!!!
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
I agree with soberwolf when in doubt, play it safe.
JadedGirl you're going to run into challenges like this but you have to stay strong. You've come this far. We knew you could do it before and we know you can keep doing it.
One strategy that has worked for me in dealing with those thoughts is being mindful of my own thoughts. I "catch them in the act" and quicly dismiss them, rather than let them linger around and get to me.
Watch a movie, read a book, immerse yourself in something fun yet relaxing.
You can get through this JadedGirl!
JadedGirl you're going to run into challenges like this but you have to stay strong. You've come this far. We knew you could do it before and we know you can keep doing it.
One strategy that has worked for me in dealing with those thoughts is being mindful of my own thoughts. I "catch them in the act" and quicly dismiss them, rather than let them linger around and get to me.
Watch a movie, read a book, immerse yourself in something fun yet relaxing.
You can get through this JadedGirl!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Wales
Posts: 497
I know and thankyou...I know I'm not going to drink I'm too stubborn to give in but I just feel so pathetic, all tearful because I know I'm never going to even go to a friends for a few drinks again...should be such a normal thing to do..feel ridiculous and want to give myself such a kick up the ass!! X
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
That's what always led me back to drinking, the resentment of others, going against my own allergy to alcohol and rebelling, but where did that get me? Instead through acceptance of who we are, that it can't be changed we just gotta do the best we can with cards we've been dealt.
The other thing I found, and I know it's Friday night and there is this perception that the whole world is having an exciting fun time and we're the only ones sitting in, we have to carve out a new Sober routine for ourselves, sitting up for the sake of it's Friday evening bored and angry at the world doesn't sound like much fun, we can't create what we crave, which is the "exciting" Friday night experience similar to what we experienced when we went out drinking, naturally life is going to be different.
We need to find new ways to be exciting and learn how to have fun away from our traditional weekend experience, I drank for years on my weekends and all of a sudden take away alcohol and life seemed pretty boring and I had mountains of time to resent the world, I instead needed to find my own enjoyment in other things, because the alternative was a relapse, and I went round in circles for a long time.
Hang in there!! Keep pushing through!!
The other thing I found, and I know it's Friday night and there is this perception that the whole world is having an exciting fun time and we're the only ones sitting in, we have to carve out a new Sober routine for ourselves, sitting up for the sake of it's Friday evening bored and angry at the world doesn't sound like much fun, we can't create what we crave, which is the "exciting" Friday night experience similar to what we experienced when we went out drinking, naturally life is going to be different.
We need to find new ways to be exciting and learn how to have fun away from our traditional weekend experience, I drank for years on my weekends and all of a sudden take away alcohol and life seemed pretty boring and I had mountains of time to resent the world, I instead needed to find my own enjoyment in other things, because the alternative was a relapse, and I went round in circles for a long time.
Hang in there!! Keep pushing through!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Try and keep in mind this is early recovery...It's natural to fear it will always be this hared, but thats just not true.
I was a people-pleaser...the idea of saying no and someone maybe not liking me was terrifying.
I found the more I exercised my right to say no, the easier it got - and people (at least the good people and the true friends) still liked me
D
I was a people-pleaser...the idea of saying no and someone maybe not liking me was terrifying.
I found the more I exercised my right to say no, the easier it got - and people (at least the good people and the true friends) still liked me
D
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Originally Posted by JadedGirl 
I know and thankyou...I know I'm not going to drink I'm too stubborn to give in but I just feel so pathetic, all tearful because I know I'm never going to even go to a friends for a few drinks again...should be such a normal thing to do..feel ridiculous and want to give myself such a kick up the ass!! X
It will get better JadedGirl.
Be strong!
Sober Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
JadedGirl, your doing great, your right on track.
My advice to you, is to do something on a Friday Night thats special. Own it again.
Drinking takes away our choices, you cant drive anywhere, people dont want to be around you.
I have joined a gym and as well as making new and valued friends on here, I am also meeting new friends at the gym. One of the things I used to drink alone for, was I didnt have many friends, seems ironic really.
Make a list of what you want to do on a Friday. Iceskating to going on speed dating. Swimming to learning a martial art. Now your not drinking, you have real choices, get out there girl start living.
My advice to you, is to do something on a Friday Night thats special. Own it again.
Drinking takes away our choices, you cant drive anywhere, people dont want to be around you.
I have joined a gym and as well as making new and valued friends on here, I am also meeting new friends at the gym. One of the things I used to drink alone for, was I didnt have many friends, seems ironic really.
Make a list of what you want to do on a Friday. Iceskating to going on speed dating. Swimming to learning a martial art. Now your not drinking, you have real choices, get out there girl start living.
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