Justincredible

Hey mentium,

Thanks for being specific on what you are doing different this time. I also am putting a healthy diet into play, it just makes sense to me! I feel its really different this time as I am putting all my experience from past failures into play.

Also I am not attending AA at this point right now, I find that reading and posting on SR is more effective and less stressful for my introverted personality type. I love it!

Best of luck hombre

Mentium

Thanks to everyone who has responded.

First (very restless, wakeful) night out of the way, so we are on our way!

ubntubnt

hi Mentium, actually sounds like a tough one as your ritual of drinking has become very entrenched in your life. Almost as normal as eating, sleeping or walking. I think its all about breaking the habit in your case and I think you have spotted that. I drank for many years like you did before adding a few out of control years on at the end.
If you work hard to break the habit and the triggers that you associate with it you who should be well on your way. Seems like that early evening is your witching hour as it was mine so you need to break the cycle at that time. A full meal and stay busy. If you normally open a bottle at home and sit back on the couch then maybe don't go home until later a few nights (AA meeting, go for a walk, gym?). What if you arrive home later and you are full and its too late to bother?
Throw out your wine glasses and bottle opener or whatever glasses you use to drink from. Arrange to meet a friend or partner for a coffee. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it - just look at it like an annoying habit that you need to break. However.....you do know the unbelievable pain you are going to experience if it escalates the other way, right? You are playing with fire right now, just another couple of steps more and you will really begin to feel the heat. Not worth the risk dude.

MythOfSisyphus

I wish you well, Mentium! I think your plan is sound, and maybe some kind of therapy is in order. Personally I will echo what Carl said- it sounds like you might not be totally committed to quitting, deep down. A short story is in order; back in my mid-20's right after my divorce I got scared enough by the consequences of my drinking that I decided I had to stop "for awhile". IIRC I actually went three or four months without drinking. And things got better. But I can plainly see that I had no real intention to quit forever, just "til I got it under control". Of course, when I did start it only took a few months til I was drinking considerably harder than I had when I decided to take a break.

I'm not sure how long it takes for sobriety to "take" or become a habit. I've heard anecdotal stories of people that relapsed after decades of sobriety! Those tales are really demoralizing to me, or at least they used to be. But I'm not worried about being one of those folks. And I think you can get to the point where you're permanently done drinking, too.

Hang in there! It's a cliche but you just have to be willing to get up one more time than you fall.

HeadLump

So pleased you're on your way, Mentium, and doing something different this time around

I have been following your posts, my friend, and rooting for you all the way

Mentium

Thanks yet again people. The issue of being 'really committed to quitting for good' is a tough one for many of us I am sure. That is surely why AA use the 'one day at a time' meme. I will admit openly that the thought of never drinking again is slightly un-nerving to me, but the thought of not - say - drinking for 12 months or a couple of years does not have the same mental impact. Personally I don't find the one day at a time approach helpful as, with so much with AA you can feel permanently on the edge of a ledge you might fall off any second, but I do feel committed to stopping for what I can only think of as 'the long term'. That works for me for now. But I am getting ahead of myself. I'm only a couple of days in and my counselling sessions are not in the diary yet!

In passing and in line with the OP (i.e. doing it differently) I told my mother today, for the first time ever, that I have a problem with alcohol but that I am addressing it. My father died only a few months ago, so I didn't lay it on too thick, but getting it 'out there' felt pretty cathartic and made me feel I had disclosed something important.