endlesspatience

Can I train myself to be humble?

I ask this because I think it's one of the characteristics I like in people but one I rather lack. I have a tendancy to want to show off and boast about my job, my relationships, my knowledge of things, my recovery even my faith in God.

I think that humilty and patience go together. I have found some methods to become more patient. For example, I wait at the side of the road until the traffic light changes. I delay gratification by not buying all the things I want immediately. I have taken up exercise. Slowly these disciplines have helped me learn patience in a wide range of situations.

Are there some little spiritual or psycological excercises I can take towards humility?

And how can I measure success?

Dee74

For me I did a lot of service wirk - that really helped get me out of my own head, made me connect with other people and get a real sense of what my place in the universe was.

Humility wasn't actually my aim but it found me nonetheless...

if that's what you want, I think that's a great place to start

Not sure about how to measure success - 'success' is very subjective - it means a lot of different things to a lot of different people...for me success is peace.

D

GracieLou

Start a gratitude list! Add at least one thing to it each day.

Feeling in a bad mood, irritable, discontent? Read the list!

Another suggestion I heard was to write them all on slips of paper and stick them in a jar. Pull one out a day. Keep it with you al day and think of that one thing and what your life would be like with out it. Rinse and repeat daily.

If you don't have one for each day of the year, then you have more thinking to do.

endlesspatience

Good suggestion about service work. Thanks for that.

Gracie Lou - I already do a gratitude list and I find that lists my mood. Your other suggestion looks good on how to shift resentments but that's not quite what I am getting at here.

Spacegoat

Good question OP.

From a passage I'm reading It's unlikely that I am the only person who has been at both ends of the spectrum already. The question is how to regain balance and maintain it?

I agree with Dee about service work as I have experience also, no better place to start. I'd love to know what others can suggest as well?

Peace

MIRecovery

Doing a 4th step helped a lot. I was forced to look at what my role had been in the disaster I called life. I found that the vast majority of my problems were of my own making.

I came to accept I was not an example of a life well lead and humility followed

Soberwolf

This

& EP read the chimp paradox it will make a lot of sense to things related to this

Steve peters is the guy who helped Ronnie Osullivan Steven gerrard & Chris hoy

the chimp paradox is his book i highly recommend it

tomsteve

Humility is teach ability so wanting to learn is a start to it.
Humility-modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

Looking across at people instead of down on.
Walking next to instead if in front of.
Saying hello to strangers and asking them how their day is going.
Saying thank you.
Stepping out of myself and being concerned for the well being of others.
Helping a stranger.
Studying the bible has helped me get a better understanding of humility and there's some good bible studies online on the subject.
IMO ya described situations of patience. Which is another area I still work on. Patience isn't about what I'm doing while I'm waiting it's about what I'm thinkin.
and they do go together for me.
No patience no humility
Know patience know humility


Yes, you can train yourself. It takes T.I.M.E and accepting we will never be completely humble here on earth.
Know God know peace
No God no peace.

Tally809

For what it's worth- I've noticed I struggle with humility when I'm feeling insecure or not completely confident in myself. Almost as though I need to prove to everyone (mostly myself) that I'm really ok or worthwhile?

Spacegoat

Those steps are really scary though, one jumps out at me 'apologize to anyone you may have hurt along the way'. Hmm, not always so black and white as that?

mns1

Couldn't have said that better myself.

I used to like to brag and boast a lot about myself. It wasn't a good way to make friends, I can tell you that.

I started to ask myself not what I can tell other people to convince them to like me, but what I can learn from them.

Stay focused and work hard in silence.

More power to you!

endlesspatience

There's some valuable ideas here. I'm sensing that listening and learning are the keys here as well as service.

Fly N Buy

I have to drill down in an honest manner in terms of what my deficiencies are. I focused on the 7 deadly sins as a pretty comprehensive starting point. While some are not as bad as others in my life, most are present.

As I did and continue to do this frequently, a measure of humility grows.

Doing that and discovering how frequently wrong I was (am still am) help as well.
I agree service work is great, but I must look at it in the proper light.

Am I just getting more prideful in service - look what I did? - or do I help others in an anonymous manner and never proclaim how helpful I am towards others?

As you mentioned God, I will share that for me He is the basis for all of it. I pray daily for God to show me where I am wrong in my behaviors and help me learn to correct those actions.

Now all that stated, I have a really, really long way to go as well

Glad you're here!

Anna

I think two things have helped me. Doing volunteer work really made a magnificent difference in my life. And, being quiet and listening to other people was the key for me. I sure didn't have all the answers, so listening seemed like a good option.

Weasel1966

Once you "achieve" humility how are you going to use it?

In understanding how to use it you will have achieved it.

MIRecovery

The steps are worked in order for a reason. You are referring to the 9th step which for many is quite away done the sobriety road. If you thoroughly work the steps in order the 9th is not as scary

Soberpotamus

Humility came naturally when I sobered up. Humility, for me, means understanding how I fit into this world. Not better than, nor less than. Just different than Just me.

I'm humbled easily these days. Not so much when I was all messed up on alcohol. It distorts.

I tend to think of humility as taking in stride my own and others' strengths and weaknesses.

GracieLou

The 8 and 9 step reads..

8 -Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

I see make a list and be willing. Not that hard. Don't over think or over complicate it.

9 - Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.


I see wherever possible. Sometimes it is not possible. In those cases we ask our HP for forgiveness. I had to make amends to two people that were dead. I wrote a letter and read it out loud to God.

In other cases making amends would cause others harm, in those cases I again wrote a letter and read it to God.

The point being is to make amends and they are not to make ourselves feel better or to make ourselves feel worse.

Some can be very simple. "I did this, I am sorry, please forgive me, what can I do to make it right?" The end.

But as already stated, this is after steps 1 -7. No jumping up the steps Take them in order and take them when you are ready. There is no time table but keep it moving. We also have to let the people around us to have it in their heart to accept an amends. It can take some time.

As long as you remain sober in the meantime, you are doing what you need to do and are right were you are supposed to be.

zerothehero

I like this because it begs the question of whether a desire for humility is essentially rooted in false pride. It seems worth exploring. What is the hubris covering?

endlesspatience

This is all very helpful. I hope that you are also finding it a thought-provoking discussion.