In need of advice and prayers
 

I just learned that my neighbor (next street over) was the victim of a forced entry robbery. Fortunately, she and her family are safe, but the police did not catch the perpetrators. Everyone is on high alert, of course. We haven't had any of these before in our neighborhood, although they are on the rise in the Bay Area.

I know that this happens every day in many places, but I am a mess. Trauma from some violent experiences in my past is flooding through me like adrenaline, and I can hardly think as I try to finish my work today. I feel terrified. I feel like the helpless child I was. I want to drink. And to make things worse, my partner is going to be gone for a week starting on Wednesday.

I am determined not to drink, although I want to shut my head off so badly I"m in tears. I would be grateful for any suggestions that folks have about what to do.

Do you have someone you could stay with or who would be willing to stay with you while your partner is gone?

Oh I'm sorry you're so upset and scared. Can you get an alarm or make your home more secure before he goes just to put your mind at rest a little? Alcohol really won't help and will just make you feel even more emotional so please don't give in. ((Hugs)) xx

Aw!! Thats horrible?!?!
Can you stay with a friend or family member?!
I know how you feel, though I've not been a victim of crime, I study criminology and pen pal with inmates in USA, I'm very easily frightened of crime, I sleep with a locked bedroom and check back seats of cars etc, I'd be very shaken if something happened across the street!!!!
Xoxo

That sounds awful, hopefully the police being alerted means the robbers won't try anything in the same area and risk getting caught.

Distraction I find is the best tool for when I don't want to think about things, keep busy and active to take your mind off things, I find extra housework or doing puzzles, or whatever it is, can make the time pass quicker.

As always SR is in your corner if you need to talk!! :grouphug:

Yes, find a place to stay or a friend to stay with you.

Have you considered an alarm system?

In the UK some communities have a neigbourhood watch scheme

I know your america see if there is anything similar

I agree with Bernies & JG's post

(((Matilda))) were all here for you

Prayers heading your way matilda. Be safe.

Thanks, everyone. I have two dogs, which do serve as a good alarm system, I suppose. Funny enough, the 25 pounder is a beast--he sounds like a Tasmanian devil when anyone comes to the door.

We don't have neighborhood watch, although folks watch out for one another. We live in a small town with one of the lowest crime rates in the bay, which is probably why folks' heads are spinning.

I think it is a good idea to maybe stay with someone else, or have someone stay with me. I know the chances are low that anything would happen and that most of the fear and anxiety I'm feeling has to do with things that happened to me long ago. Man, that stuff just pops to the surface so quickly :(

I was going to recommend getting a dog.. You are in good hands. Like a tasmanian devil? Yikes!! I doubt someone would be stupid enough to try anything.

Too bad I'm sober!! You could have me over blackout drunk! I'm sure I was far scarier than any dog or criminal haha ;)
Bad joke I know, couldn't resist!

Matilda, it's normal and even good to be scared about such a situation. Some level of fear can help you to stay alert. But, hopefully you can get through this. Rely on your dogs, keep your phone handy and pay attention when you are coming and going.

Keeping you in my prayers Matilda.

I'm sorry Matilda. I'm glad you have your dogs with you - they'd be a great deterrent :)

D

Prayers c oming your way. I know what it is like to be scared and trigger.

Hi Matilda,
That would scare me too. And I had a break in once when I wasn't home but it still shook me for quite awhile. Hated walking in my own house for quite sometime.

Here's what I did. I went to all my neighbors I knew and told them I was scared and ask them to help me by just keeping an eye out for me. Not a one didn't step up. Everyone was so nice and checked up on me or called me. All the men in the neighborhood kinda took it on themselves to really bring it. I don't think any of us women walked to our houses at night alone. I know I didn't have to take my garbage cans out to the curb at night for several months.

It really helped to ask for their help. Even if it was simply keeping all our porch lights on for awhile. It ended up us all watching out for each other. I got over my fear and they helped me.

If you are scared imagine how scared that poor family is? If you know them go over and ask them if they need anything. I would think there are other neighbors scared too. Especially people who live alone. Or elderly people.

I learned sometimes I need help and sometimes I'm the helper. And sometimes I get to be both at the same time.

I'm so sorry you are scared. I'm glad you have your dogs. My chihuahua is head of my security. She may be small but her bark is all big dog. And as long as a burglar doesn't see her, they would think it was a Rottweiler on the other side of the door.

Hang in there.

360shoes, this is sound and wonderful advice. I know this family quite well, and will take your advice about asking them what they need. I'll also bring them some enchiladas (food is what I do :)

I'm feeling better. I know that a lot of this is stuff that has less to do with this event and more to do with events in my past. I've dealt with a lot of it, but as I mentioned in another post, I often get to a certain place and get stuck and retreat into drink. I'm determined not to do it this time, but very fearful too.

Every time I felt fear that I would do what I always did before when I was scared...which in my past was definately try to drink the feeling away and I didn't do it....my fear diminished and my confidence grew stronger.

Push through this. You can do it. Just tell yourself so what. I'm scared. I can either be scared...or drunk and scared. Me? I choose just scared.

I think you are doing great. 99% of solving a problem is identifying what the real problem is.

Now go make those awesome enchiladas and think how nice that will be for that family. That will make them and you feel good. You and I both know how drinking makes one feel. Trust me. I know. I lived it too.

You are doing fabulous working through this!

In the short term maybe staying with a friend or family member is a good idea. I would strongly suggest making sure your locks are up to snuff. I'm not sure if you're in a house or apt but to an extent this applies to both. Most of the time the deadbolt is high quality but the strike plate is usually only attacked with 3/4" screws! One good kick and the deadbolt will break the door jamb. The strike plate of your lock (the metal thing that your lock slides into) should be secured to the king or queen stud with 3" or 4" screws. The screws attaching the door to the hinges and the hinges to the door frame should also be longer and stronger than typically come with them. This is actually a very simple and inexpensive fix that will make things much more secure.

Lighting is also important. Make sure there aren't dark, shadowed areas around windows and doors that would let someone mess around there unseen. Windows should have locks on them as well, even upper floor windows. Don't leave ladders or tools that could be used for burglary in your yard. Funny story, my dad once had a shed that secured with a padlock on the outside. But one day he was too lazy to to open the lock so he left a pair of 3 foot long bolt cutters leaning up against the door right under the lock!:lmao

It would be a good idea to look up your neighborhood watch. Your local PD may also have tips for security.

Good luck and be safe! Remember that drinking won't make matters any better.