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blueyedswtee 08-10-2004 11:56 AM

My Brother
 
Please help.

My 19 year old step brother who first began partying at a young age of 16 is now out of control. He first began abusing alochol which led to marijuana, which then led to trying the new drugs. I believe he truly has an addiciton problem. I live with my step mom, and my dad, where there is a total of 5 children. My step brother is the baby of his own brothers and sisters.

His problem is now affecting the family not only extremely emotionally but financially. He has been in jail twice now. 1 time for under the influence of coke, 2nd time for assaulting an officer and both times my step mom refuses to leave him in a jail and bails him out. We are not a wealthy family so a couple thousands of dollars is a big deal. He has strangled his girlfriend, caused $2400 of damage to his friend's car, punched his friends tooth out. I heard from old friends of his that my brother is now taking valuum (spelling??) and drinking heavily, as well as, staying up all night to find some coke or other harmful drug.

The most difficult part of the situation is that technically I'm not his sister, although I love him as though he were my own brother and not "step related". My step mother believes he is suffering only from depression, which I am afraid to remind of the lows that are associated with these extreme highs my brother does to himself.

No one wants to just turn away, but no one in my family knows what to do. My brother is now threatening to kill himself. He has been going to people's houses searching for his "friend" and has had the cops called on him several times.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I'm being a bystander and that I should be doing something to help him. But I feel as though if I try to help him, he may get angry and physical with me which scares me. My step mother believes when she got her divorce, my brother was about 8 years old, and believes that this is the deep root to his problem.

Help, ANYONE!!!

Sad Blue Eyed Sister

Athena724 08-10-2004 12:02 PM

Sorry to hear...
 
I don't have much experience with trying to deal with other's addictions, but I feel for you...Your brother is in a bad place right now. You know who might be able to help alot? Al-Anon. You should just contact them and find out what they're about. Good luck. :hug:

mooselips 08-10-2004 04:30 PM

Hiya Blue eyed,
First, I want to welcome you to Sober Recovery. You have gotten yourself to a good place to help you sort out all these emotions you are currently going through.
The problem is, there is truly nothing you can do to help your step brother stop using drugs, You CAN let him know how much you love him but beyond that, he needs to seek help for himself....when he is READY.
As for him being suicidal. If you feel he is a harm to himself and others, do not hesitate to call 911, or call the police.

There are alot of family members, in the same situation as you are on the nar-anon board, so feel free to post over there if you would like.
I'm glad you're here.
Hugs coming your way.....

Chy 08-10-2004 08:04 PM

Hi and welcome,

Unfortunatly, you must, as hard, difficult, and hurtful as it is, let him go off the deep end himself. Not until he admits he needs help, or asks for it can anything be done. He'll continue to hurt those that love him most, drain the wallets and resources, and lie, be abusive, and hateful all the while. Your family can find support for understanding, gaining strength, and learning how to set boundries in the fellowhships of Alanon and Naranon.

Please visit our Friends and Family forum, to see how others deal with this in their family.

sherbear5104 08-10-2004 08:11 PM

Hello and welcome to SR,
I would have to agree that al-anon or nar-anon is full of people who can better help you. I have no experience in watching a loved one suffer from the disease of addiction, however, I know what it's like to make your family suffer. I couldn't quit for them, no matter how hard they tried. Only when I was ready. Keep posting and check out the friends and family forums here.
Sherry

sunil 08-11-2004 04:17 AM

hello and welcome to SR


please contact the nearby aa group for help to your brother and join al-anon meetings for yourself.

in the fellowship of AA

Magichappens 08-11-2004 06:09 AM

Welcome sweetie,
Hope you will join us on the Families and Friends forum too. You don't have to go through this alone. There is a lot of love and support here. There are people who are dealing with the same types of situations who have found a way to deal with it with serenity and peace. Hugs, Magic

blueyedswtee 08-11-2004 01:37 PM

Thanks everyone. I'm starting to get really depressed, and oddly enough, sort of responsible that my brother is this out of control.

I will look into the other groups everyone has been talking about.

Thanks.


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