Having a Tough Time With PAWS
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 73
Having a Tough Time With PAWS
Been having issues with memory, loss of concentration/focus, unable to solve simple problems at work, easily stressed.. all sounds like PAWS but I'm really having a hard time with it lately.
I'm almost 5 months sober now and haven't touched a single drop during that time.
I'm really struggling lately at work to just keep focus to the point I'm wondering if I can even keep this job. Management hasn't noticed but I'm wondering when that point will be.
When will this PAWS end? It's really putting a toll on me and although I'm glad I've come this far, It seems like this is getting worse and worse. It really hit me about two months ago but it almost feels like it's climaxed now.
Anyone going through or did go through similar things at this stage?
I'm almost 5 months sober now and haven't touched a single drop during that time.
I'm really struggling lately at work to just keep focus to the point I'm wondering if I can even keep this job. Management hasn't noticed but I'm wondering when that point will be.
When will this PAWS end? It's really putting a toll on me and although I'm glad I've come this far, It seems like this is getting worse and worse. It really hit me about two months ago but it almost feels like it's climaxed now.
Anyone going through or did go through similar things at this stage?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I found 4/5 months to be the roughest patch. I just felt dull dull dull, like I would never regain interest in anything. I have noticed a lot of others posting about a similar stretch during that period.
For me the toughest times weren't when I felt the newness and rawness of sobriety, but rather when I felt the monotony of trudging along. I wasn't used to sitting with that type of bleakness without tweaking it with alcohol or drugs. I just could not imagine that feeling ending.
But it did, and what happened was that those periods still arose but it seems they decreased in duration and intensity. I stayed on here a lot and really focused on others who told me it would get better and it did.
I had a huge problem with motivation. But, I was determined not to go backwards. I was intent on only going through this process once. My body and mind was putting itself back together, and although I couldn't see those mechanisms at work, the small little benefits started to peek through the dullness. I was so used to progress being fleeting because it was always followed up by a further descent into alcoholism and depression. It was fascinating to gain clarity slowly and honestly.
There is something very precious about sobriety when you have stayed the course. The internal battle was mine alone, and because of that I am protective about all I have gained. I didn't realize it at the time, because I felt that I was simply slogging through, but I was relearning everything.
Patience with myself and the process has been so important. Hang in there, it gets better I promise you. And when you start to see glimpses of what lays ahead you will be so grateful that you didn't fall back into the same old same old. There is a great saying…
"don't do something, just sit there".
For me the toughest times weren't when I felt the newness and rawness of sobriety, but rather when I felt the monotony of trudging along. I wasn't used to sitting with that type of bleakness without tweaking it with alcohol or drugs. I just could not imagine that feeling ending.
But it did, and what happened was that those periods still arose but it seems they decreased in duration and intensity. I stayed on here a lot and really focused on others who told me it would get better and it did.
I had a huge problem with motivation. But, I was determined not to go backwards. I was intent on only going through this process once. My body and mind was putting itself back together, and although I couldn't see those mechanisms at work, the small little benefits started to peek through the dullness. I was so used to progress being fleeting because it was always followed up by a further descent into alcoholism and depression. It was fascinating to gain clarity slowly and honestly.
There is something very precious about sobriety when you have stayed the course. The internal battle was mine alone, and because of that I am protective about all I have gained. I didn't realize it at the time, because I felt that I was simply slogging through, but I was relearning everything.
Patience with myself and the process has been so important. Hang in there, it gets better I promise you. And when you start to see glimpses of what lays ahead you will be so grateful that you didn't fall back into the same old same old. There is a great saying…
"don't do something, just sit there".
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
It does get better HellJuice. The recovery process is different for all of us; hopefully this moment for you will end soon. It may feel in the moment that things are getting worse and worse but the reality is that every day you are sober, the better you get on the inside and the outside! I discovered that sobriety for me was so much more than just not drinking. For me, I had to address some physical issues as well as issues with depression and anxiety. Have you seen your doctor? Maybe this might help. Staying connected to SR is great so you won't feel like you are going through this alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 73
Jaynie.. dull, dull, dull.. that is 100% how I feel right now.
I feel like even drinking right ow wouldn't fix this feeling, which I guess in some ways is a good thing!
I hope I can get through this. I could go to a doctor and maybe he'd prescribe me some meds or whatever, but I rather not go that route. One drug for another isn't the way I want to handle this. Thanks everyone for their input. Feeling better already.
I feel like even drinking right ow wouldn't fix this feeling, which I guess in some ways is a good thing!
I hope I can get through this. I could go to a doctor and maybe he'd prescribe me some meds or whatever, but I rather not go that route. One drug for another isn't the way I want to handle this. Thanks everyone for their input. Feeling better already.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Not sure if anyones seen this but this is a great link - especially the part on things you can do to minimise the effects of PAWs...
PAWS | Digital Dharma
PAWS | Digital Dharma
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 269
Hi Helljuice, great post and question. I often wonder about the PAWS symptoms and how long they will last for me and when I can expect them to get better.
I am only 75 days sober at this point, but my PAWS symptoms have been strong, especially from days 20 - 70. I am just starting to get a few days where I feel happy and positive. There are also tough days when the anxiety is strong and feels much more like it did when the PAWS is kicking in. but having a few days of relief is such a relief that things will get better. I try to rejoice in the days that are positive and remember it will not last forever on the bad days.
PAWS is different for everyone, and the symptoms can last for a year or more. For me, I think the PAWS symptoms are closely tied to my brain repairing itself and the chemistry getting back to a natural balance. The amount of time you drank, how much you drank, your brains ability to repair itself, diet, exercise, general health, vitamins all go into determining how long PAWS will last. There are so many variables that go into the repair of your brain.
The dullness should slowly lift over time, very gradually. Much like a sunrise. It starts to get lighter in the east well before the sun comes up. Be patient.
The only sure thing I can tell you is that drinking again will only make you have to go through this again.
best of luck and thank you for starting this thead
I am only 75 days sober at this point, but my PAWS symptoms have been strong, especially from days 20 - 70. I am just starting to get a few days where I feel happy and positive. There are also tough days when the anxiety is strong and feels much more like it did when the PAWS is kicking in. but having a few days of relief is such a relief that things will get better. I try to rejoice in the days that are positive and remember it will not last forever on the bad days.
PAWS is different for everyone, and the symptoms can last for a year or more. For me, I think the PAWS symptoms are closely tied to my brain repairing itself and the chemistry getting back to a natural balance. The amount of time you drank, how much you drank, your brains ability to repair itself, diet, exercise, general health, vitamins all go into determining how long PAWS will last. There are so many variables that go into the repair of your brain.
The dullness should slowly lift over time, very gradually. Much like a sunrise. It starts to get lighter in the east well before the sun comes up. Be patient.
The only sure thing I can tell you is that drinking again will only make you have to go through this again.
best of luck and thank you for starting this thead
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Helljuice, PAWS sux...it really affects some of us more than others....
I thought it would never end and it just felt like I had done some serious permanent damage and wondered if I would ever feel better.
The good news is that it does, unfortunately a little slow in my case.
The strength and the length of the Paws symptoms reduced over time. My Paws symptoms seem to have gone at 14 months sober...
We spent a lot of time messing up our brain and bodies it is going to a take a little time to sort it all out.
I developed a bit of a sugar addiction in the early months of sobriety, that didn't help.
For me reducing almost all sugar apart from fruit and exercise made me feel a lot better over all.
I thought it would never end and it just felt like I had done some serious permanent damage and wondered if I would ever feel better.
The good news is that it does, unfortunately a little slow in my case.
The strength and the length of the Paws symptoms reduced over time. My Paws symptoms seem to have gone at 14 months sober...
We spent a lot of time messing up our brain and bodies it is going to a take a little time to sort it all out.
I developed a bit of a sugar addiction in the early months of sobriety, that didn't help.
For me reducing almost all sugar apart from fruit and exercise made me feel a lot better over all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
Originally Posted by jaynie04 
I found 4/5 months to be the roughest patch. I just felt dull dull dull, like I would never regain interest in anything. I have noticed a lot of others posting about a similar stretch during that period.
For me the toughest times weren't when I felt the newness and rawness of sobriety, but rather when I felt the monotony of trudging along. I wasn't used to sitting with that type of bleakness without tweaking it with alcohol or drugs. I just could not imagine that feeling ending.
But it did, and what happened was that those periods still arose but it seems they decreased in duration and intensity. I stayed on here a lot and really focused on others who told me it would get better and it did.
I had a huge problem with motivation. But, I was determined not to go backwards. I was intent on only going through this process once. My body and mind was putting itself back together, and although I couldn't see those mechanisms at work, the small little benefits started to peek through the dullness. I was so used to progress being fleeting because it was always followed up by a further descent into alcoholism and depression. It was fascinating to gain clarity slowly and honestly.
There is something very precious about sobriety when you have stayed the course. The internal battle was mine alone, and because of that I am protective about all I have gained. I didn't realize it at the time, because I felt that I was simply slogging through, but I was relearning everything.
Patience with myself and the process has been so important. Hang in there, it gets better I promise you. And when you start to see glimpses of what lays ahead you will be so grateful that you didn't fall back into the same old same old. There is a great saying…
"don't do something, just sit there".
For me the toughest times weren't when I felt the newness and rawness of sobriety, but rather when I felt the monotony of trudging along. I wasn't used to sitting with that type of bleakness without tweaking it with alcohol or drugs. I just could not imagine that feeling ending.
But it did, and what happened was that those periods still arose but it seems they decreased in duration and intensity. I stayed on here a lot and really focused on others who told me it would get better and it did.
I had a huge problem with motivation. But, I was determined not to go backwards. I was intent on only going through this process once. My body and mind was putting itself back together, and although I couldn't see those mechanisms at work, the small little benefits started to peek through the dullness. I was so used to progress being fleeting because it was always followed up by a further descent into alcoholism and depression. It was fascinating to gain clarity slowly and honestly.
There is something very precious about sobriety when you have stayed the course. The internal battle was mine alone, and because of that I am protective about all I have gained. I didn't realize it at the time, because I felt that I was simply slogging through, but I was relearning everything.
Patience with myself and the process has been so important. Hang in there, it gets better I promise you. And when you start to see glimpses of what lays ahead you will be so grateful that you didn't fall back into the same old same old. There is a great saying…
"don't do something, just sit there".
For me, things started to noticeably improve at the six month mark but the improvement was gradual, nonetheless.
Hang in; it gets much, much better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Originally Posted by HellJuice
Jaynie.. dull, dull, dull.. that is 100% how I feel right now.
I feel like even drinking right ow wouldn't fix this feeling, which I guess in some ways is a good thing!
I feel like even drinking right ow wouldn't fix this feeling, which I guess in some ways is a good thing!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
I really sympathise with you, PAWs is really tough. At about 6 months I felt like I was loosing the plot. I was tearful, forgetful, tired and my concentration was shot. I had another episode at 9 months but it didn't last as long. The only thing you can do is to treat yourself like you would if you were getting over a flu. Sleep when you can, eat really well and stay hydrated. Exercise helped to pick me up but realistically I couldn't do too much. It does pass so please hang in there. Can you take some time off work? Even a couple of days rest can make all the difference
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 378
Originally Posted by Dee74
Not sure if anyones seen this but this is a great link - especially the part on things you can do to minimise the effects of PAWs...
PAWS | Digital Dharma
PAWS | Digital Dharma
Great article. Thanks Dee.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by HellJuice
Jaynie.. dull, dull, dull.. that is 100% how I feel right now.
I feel like even drinking right ow wouldn't fix this feeling, which I guess in some ways is a good thing!
I hope I can get through this. I could go to a doctor and maybe he'd prescribe me some meds or whatever, but I rather not go that route. One drug for another isn't the way I want to handle this. Thanks everyone for their input. Feeling better already.
I feel like even drinking right ow wouldn't fix this feeling, which I guess in some ways is a good thing!
I hope I can get through this. I could go to a doctor and maybe he'd prescribe me some meds or whatever, but I rather not go that route. One drug for another isn't the way I want to handle this. Thanks everyone for their input. Feeling better already.
I can't control this depression thing about as much as I can control my alcoholism.
However, I also think that we know deep down what is best for us and to each our own personal experiences. Could never hurt to discuss some of your feelings with a doctor though, right?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
I can sympathize. I had bad cycles with PAWS or depression or something off and on for the first year and they seemed to get worse not better. When it got to the point that PAWS or whatever was seriously compromising my ability to keep sight of my desire to stay sober, I saw a doctor.
A lot of people seem to get through it naturally in time. I think 5 months is not unusual to still have extended patches of fogginess and lack of motivation. I gave it a year before I opted to try medication. I wish I had done so earlier but that was my experience. I couldn't face more than a year without additional help, and I'm glad I got it.
Best wishes to you!
A lot of people seem to get through it naturally in time. I think 5 months is not unusual to still have extended patches of fogginess and lack of motivation. I gave it a year before I opted to try medication. I wish I had done so earlier but that was my experience. I couldn't face more than a year without additional help, and I'm glad I got it.
Best wishes to you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
I'm in month 8 and I'm riding the wave of depression and anxiety but I'm working really hard to combat PAWS in healthy ways which also includes AA, meditation and therapy. By incorporating these things I am forced to see the small victories each day. I believe it's getting better though!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Keep trudging along (putting one foot in front of the other with a purpose) and things will keep getting better.
We drink and don't think we change anything in our brains, but we do; we change everything!
Give time time and heal well. It's really worth it! YOU are worth it! Things WILL get much much better!!!!!!
We drink and don't think we change anything in our brains, but we do; we change everything!
Give time time and heal well. It's really worth it! YOU are worth it! Things WILL get much much better!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
I read every post on that paws digital dharma site, great article and great guy who takes time to respond (was still replying when I read it a couple years back). You'll see a post about feelin lousy from Ted (me) at the 6 month mark. I got better but improvement was so slow that it was hard to see it. I think there's still a little residual brain damblage from my "active" days but I am 1000 times better than that first year. You just gotta dig deep and get through it, don't make any big life decisions either like job stuff right now. Also, I went to my first AA meeting at 8 months sober, it was really nice to talk about my troubles and get some help from the program. You may have tried a recover group, if not, maybe check one out. Outside help can be big. Come to think of it, that's when I found SR! It's a tough time, no doubt. But, it's also what kinda showed me the importance of staying sober, I wanted to get past it and not go through it again. Good luck buddy!
-Ted
-Ted
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Yes, 3 - 6 months was my PAWS peak too. I was afraid that I had wet brain and wouldn't get better, but I was doing much better by 1 year. Managing my caffeine, taking vitamins & fish oil, giving myself rest, eating well all helped.
It will get better, but it may be hard to see on a day to day basis.
It will get better, but it may be hard to see on a day to day basis.
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