suz91178

Well this recovery thing is pretty tough. I'm starting to find that the fellowship can fail you, but the program can't. I'm from a small town and the NA fellowship is pretty tiny, full of gossip, not many women, not a lot of clean time. But hey I keep coming back! Sometimes I guess I just need to remember to close my eyes and listen to the message, not the messenger. Its hard to open up and say all this deep stuff, when I don't really trust the people I'm talking to. My boyfriend and ex-boyfriend are also in recovery (yep I know insanity) so it's a bit hard to really open up when they're both in the rooms, escpecially when the things I need to say deal with them. I guess I'm just in a strange place right now. I worry so much about what other people think of me and it seems to be taking over my life at times. I can say that I am powerless, but I don't practice it. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can find serenity. I'm working the steps, going to meetings, meeting with my sponser once a week, going to church, praying, what else is left??? When will I get this spiritual awakening that I'm longing for? Gosh I'm really sounding like the victim right now, but I'm desperate. How long can I do this before I relapse? Oh yeah I'm also afraid I'm addicted to relationships, but it's pointless to give me suggestions on that cause I won't take them. Thanks to all of those who read this.

blueyedswtee

SUZZZ This is my first time replying to someone. I read your story and I wanted to reply because I know what its like to be in a small town full of people that thrive on gossip. I hate it. All I can tell you is what I think : THe people who have nothing better to do except sit around and talk about someone else's life in a negative way were never worth your time or energy to begin with. Stay strong. Stay strong. Who cares what people think? In the end your opinion will always be the one that matters. Keep your chin up.

suz91178

Thanks for your reply, this was actually the first time I have ever posted anything and becuase of your reply I think I'll keep with it. Thanks for your words of encouragement at a very needed time.

blueyedswtee

Gosh I am happy I helped you even if it was an itsy bitsy small amount. I don't know if its worse to be the person on the outside looking in or if its worse to actually be that person; as an outsider you feel so helpless because all you can do is listen and watch.

But I am here for you. As I think everyone is. Take Care of yourself.

In memory of miracle

congrads on your 90ish days ! They say take what you need and leave the rest ...welcome to SR ! Bless Trish