pattyj

I finally told my mom that I couldn't be around her when she is drinking. I started the conversation with "I can't be around alcohol at all anymore." It ended up having to be a phone conversation. I broke down about having a hard time on our latest family vacation and the holidays.

She actually admitted that she should be doing what I am doing but can't and admitted that she is a big trigger to me. I told her that I don't expect anyone in our family to change their ways, that they can spend holidays and vacations doing what they want to do but that I will not be joining them because it's not fun for me and makes me anxious and uncomfortable. She thanked me for telling her and told me that she chooses me over alcohol. Those are great words but actions always speak louder.

I also told my mom to not hide her drinking from me because you can hide a cup of alcohol, you cannot hide drunkenness. I told her that I will never be upset if there is alcohol at a family gathering, but that I will not attend them. I understand that people want to party, especially my family. But I will not be around to see it.

I reminded her that I'm an alcoholic and that if I keep putting myself in these situations where people are showing me that drinking is okay, one day I might think it's okay to drink. And while the thought of drinking makes me nauseous right now, it could change in an instant. I will never allow myself to drink again and I need to do everything to protect my sobriety.

It seems as though she understood me and got the point that I was trying to get across but I won't let myself think that everything will be great from here on out. She has promised to do things for my sobriety in the past and they didn't work out. So while I am thrilled that I told her how I felt, I still need to keep my guard up because she is an alcoholic as well.

Thanks for all of your advice, from all of the forums that I posted to. I don't think I could have gone through this without all of your help!!

SoberLeigh

Good for you, patty; that was a courageous thing to do. We have to protect our sobriety at all costs.

matilda123

PattyJ, I am in awe and admiration of the bravery of this conversation. Brava! What a gift you gave yourself and your mother: that you were able to state what you need in such a respectful and specific way. And I bet you have planted a seed for your mom... Brava!

Dee74

I'm really glad for you that you did that patty

D

pattyj

Thank you!! I wish this kind of courage on anyone who has to do something like this. And I do believe that I planted a seed in my mom, the ball's in her court now on whether or not she decides to do anything with her own disease. I think the best thing to do if you ever have to have this conversation with anyone is to make it about yourself and your disease; don't blame the other person because that will not get you anywhere.

MariahGayle

Great job on expressing yourself & setting some boundaries Patti!

JanieJ

Wow Patti ,well done, that was brave, honest and very self- nurturing of you

As Matilda said, brava !

GracieLou

YES!

As others have stated, Bravo

It is hard to leave people behind in their own alcoholism. When I got sober I wanted to take others with me but it is my journey and they need to find their own.

The sad part is they may never find it but that is not in my control and that was hard for me to accept. I had to though so I could keep going forward. They were not holding me back, I was holding myself back, I was waiting and I had to stop waiting. It was not hurting them, it was hurting me.

Keep moving forward, stay sober and work your recovery. It is your life and we only get one. Everything is going to be okay

MIRecovery

Well done. We can't change the world but we must change ourselves. This will be a big notch your sobriety belt

Soberwolf

Congrats Patty so glad you done that

DoubleDragons

I am inspired, Patty and I am very happy that your mom, at least seemed receptive.

JackDsMissus

You're awesome Patty. That's a huge brave move. Well done

Ellay

Well done, Patty. I am so inspired by your sobriety day, amazing job!
It sounds like we have a lot in common. My mother is also an alcoholic and is in awe that I have put my wine glass down. She was one of my favourite drinking partners, and I was really nervous when she came to visit last week that I would have cravings to join her. She was respectful and waited for me to say that it was ok to have a glass ( bottle) and I even poured her first one. She is pre- diabetic, and has fatty liver. She knows she has to stop, but can't/won't. It is sad.

PurpleKnight

Great job Patty!!

pattyj

Thank you all so much!! I love that statement that it is my life and I only get one. I'm not hurting anyone by not being around them while they drink so why should I hurt myself and force myself to be in that kind of a situation. Who wants to spend their vacation time with a bunch of drinkers?? I was definitely terrified to tell my mom as we as so so so much alike. I feel as though my sobriety is making her feel less about herself because she can't seem to get it under control. But that is her life and she may do as she pleases. I can only control my own life and reactions and shouldn't burden myself with how other people react and live their lives. Happy Wednesday!