ubntubnt

hello, I joined this forum about a month ago and stopping drinking 9 weeks ago for the first time in almost 30 years. Up to that point I had not seriously considered stopping, didn't really consider myself to be a full blown alcoholic and had little intention of joining AA. I stumbled across the site one morning after a long overdue moment of clarity and have not looked back since then, except for one slip (ie. 24 hour bender).

Turns out I had been an alcoholic for around 20 years and was quickly descending into oblivion. Black out drinking almost every night etc. When I quit drinking I stated on this site a few times that I didn't think that AA was for me and that AVRT resonated better with me etc. In the last two weeks I have attended my first 5 or 6 AA meetings and I wanted to share my experiences with any newbies who are considering it. Please bear in mind this is only one person's experience and opinions.

I didn't think AA was for me for the following reasons and these are some of the concerns I had before I ever attended a meeting:

1) It seems to have its own language like the 12 steps, the 12 traditions and it even has its own bible, the Big book
2) Most people if not everyone I know who has attended it says that it was life changing for them and that they adhere to many of the principles in living their life. Well, that sounded kinda cultish to me
3) I can't see how sitting around in a circle with a bunch of down and out drunks talking about drinking is going to help me
4) I don't want to risk bumping into anyone that I know
5) I am a private person and my drinking has been a private battle and I am not sure that I want to air my dirty laundry in public
6) I don't have the time. I mean, I have some time but 90 meetings in 90 days and three or four meetings per week?? Even my wife and kids don't get that kind of attention
7) There is a lot of talk about God or a higher Power or Spirituality or whatever it is or whatever it means to you. This sounds kind of like a cult with a pretty dress on. Or religion. And I don't do that. Even if I am desperate and I try I just can't see how anything that smells of religion is going to work for me
8) I know that other alcoholics will have a lot in common with me but there are just too many aspects of my drinking that are related to my life and circumstances for people to relate to, which would limit the usefulness of the program

So, half a dozen meetings in, here is where I stand against these concerns:

1) It seems to have its own language like the 12 steps, the 12 traditions and it even has its own bible, the Big book.

That is mostly true, yes. It does seem a little weird at first and it does have a unique way of putting certain perspectives in place and it is a little daunting and can be a little difficult to understand. That is one of the reasons that AA suggest the newly sober alcoholic attends 90 meetings in 90 days. If you were learning a new language you would study a little bit every day and so it goes with AA. The one thing I do notice though is that the language is not used to indoctrinate or lecture to you....the language is spoken by the members who include you, the way it is used seems to be inclusive rather than oppressive

2) Most people, if not everyone I know who has attended it says that it was life changing for them and that they adhere to many of the principles in living their life. Well, that sounded kinda cultish to me

Many of the members were on the path to complete annihilation and maybe death before they quit drinking. AA gave many of them a way to get sober and stay sober. AA seems to be more about Recovery than abstinence. Ie rebuilding your life and rediscovering who you are rather than merely not drinking. This is where the loyalty of the members comes from. AA focuses not on turning you from a drunk who drinks into a drunk who has stopped drinking. It focuses on helping you to take care of you and to give you the tools to let go of the past and rebuild your life. Thats the purpose of the 12 steps insofar as I can see.

3) I can't see how sitting around in a circle with a bunch of down and out drunks talking about drinking was going to help me

Well, guess what? It turns out that virtually member of the group is just like me only many of them are much more articulate and in tune with their emotions and have a better sense of themselves than I do. Ooops. Totally misjudged this one. This group ain't a group of down and outs. Sure, they all have huge addiction problems to alcohol and in some cases other drugs but they are mostly lucid, thoughtful, friendly and professional. Quick note to my group - sorry for underestimating your guys and girls. Also, I was pleased to see how brutally honest the conversation was and how earthy it was. Lots of detail, swearing and even laughter. The members don't all sit around bolt upright drinking out of flowery tea cups trying to be polite....and I will thank God for that.

4) I don't want to risk bumping into anyone that I know

This was a fair concern. However, the nature of AA being what it is means that there was no need for this concern. There is a sense of looking out for each other, a sense of brotherhood. I can honestly say I would have zero concern if I were to bump into someone I know at a meeting. In fact I would now welcome the chance to talk to them about it

5) I am a private person and my drinking has been a private battle and I was not sure that I wanted to air my dirty laundry in public

Well, you know that private struggle? Turns out it is almost everyone's private struggle. More than half of what I hear at every meeting I can identify with and EVERYTHING I say has at least a couple of heads nodding in acknowledgement. This is a very personal struggle for sure and only I can beat it but I am fighting a very well known and common enemy. Talking about the problem I face and my experiences and listening to advice on recovery is immensely useful. No man or woman sitting in an AA meeting is alone or struggling with an unknown enemy.

6) I don't have the time. I mean I have some time but 90 meetings in 90 days and three or four meetings per week?? I mean, even my wife doesn't get that kind of attention

I found that when I stopped drinking I had an enormous amount of free time and actually the meetings help fill it and that in itself is useful. Also, the act of making the commitment to attend meetings underscores my commitment to my sobriety. I now find myself looking forward to meetings and rearranging my commitments around them

7) There is a lot of talk about God or a higher Power or Spirituality or whatever it is or whatever it means to you. This sounds kind of like a cult with a pretty dress on. Or religion. And I don't do that.

I was relieved to hear that this is a very common issue for newcomers to AA. I was also very relieved to hear members saying that they didn't overthink it and just followed the steps taking a blind leap of faith and then later realising what it all meant. I am still working through this but it is starting to become more clear to me and yes....I am kind of taking a blind leap of faith and I am still not surrendering but hey, one miracle at a time

8) I know that other alcoholics will have a lot in common with me but there are just too many aspects of my drinking that are related to my life and circumstances for people to relate to which would limit the usefulness of the program

Turns out we are mostly struggling with the same issues in the same way.

So all in all its been a tremendously positive experience. The camaraderie has lifted me. I see people who have been through this, and worse, and who I look up to in the way they live their life now. There is real goodwill and there is kindness and there is understanding and you know, its hard to find that in life when you are an alcoholic. I have not started to work the steps yet and I have not selected a sponsor yet. I will do this when I am ready, maybe in a week or two. But from my experience, I really would encourage any newcomer to give it a try as I am confident you have far more to gain than to lose. And do you know what, its not to much of a stretch to say that it might even save your life. Anyway, I hope that this post helps anyone who may be considering attending a meeting to make up their minds. I am also sure that some of what I understand about AA is wrong but the point was to lay out a first impressions. See you around.

GracieLou

I really liked you post. I am glad that you have found something that appears to working for you, I am also a member of AA.

This was me and not only the steps but the AA program. I took that leap of faith. I was so physically and emotionally burnt that I didn't have the energy to break it down.

Keep coming back! Or better yet, stay and you won't have to come back

awuh1

ubntubnt , This is one of the most thoughtful and well composed posts that I have seen in a very long time. I'm impressed.

I wish I had been one tenth as open minded in my first months of attending meetings as you are after only attending a handful.

Your post has the potential to do a lot of good.

All the best to you.

Soberwolf

Awesome post

Foolsgold186

Thanks for this post!

I've attended AA since getting sober, got a sponsor and working the steps.

I used to look around the rooms and think I'll never being able to relate to these people....turns out most of the time I do.

Feel like I'm home when I'm with people who truly understand me.

I keep myself sober but AA and the tools they use is fundamental in my recovery.

Tang

Thank you for this post.

Hawks

There is not much else to say except "welcome to AA mate"

MIRecovery

I did not come to your realizations as quickly as you but eventually I did. I realized these were people that knew what they were talking about and had a solution.

Great post!

tommyinphilly

Thank you for articulating how I feel

IOAA2

Hi and thank you for your well stated post.
The bottom line as your experiencing is that it works when we work it. Congratulations with your ability to see/experience it so soon.

BE WELL

Ruby2

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful post. I think you really nailed it for me. I've been around AA for quite some time but haven't worked the steps but you actually inspired me to call a friend who can help me out there.

I wanted to add a couple of things. PurpleKnight said something on another thread that pulled the meaning of the program together for me. I'm paraphrasing what he said but Sobriety isn't just about not drinking. It's about finding ways and tools to live life and cope with ups and downs without drinking. Changing your life, as it were.

As for ninety in ninety. The "I don't have that kind of time" or "my family needs me". I think back to how much time and effort that went into planning my drinking and then drinking. I never had trouble finding that time. But I learned that I could find the time to get sober. And it was time well spent.

Thanks again. Awesome post.

ubntubnt

that's cool that it managed to give you a little nudge Ruby....I guess its like most things in life, you only out of of it what you put into it

FreeOwl

You have opened yourself up and seen a LOT in a very short time....

Well done, and thank you for taking the time to share all of this. Your perspective mirrors my own and helps reinforce my sobriety.... And these words may well help someone else overcome their resistance to the unknown that could save them.

WIP17

Thank you for your post! Very inspiring and has sparked my desire to attend AA. I am realizing that being sober is great and I need more and it is more than just not drinking. Thank you!

brighterlife

Wow fantastic post, thank you for taking the time to write it.

IfYouCanDream

What a great post.
Thank you for putting time into composing it in a clear and methodical way. I am sure many newcomers will find it useful and those who hesitate 'to go or not to go' will decide to go after reading this.

I am also attending AA meetings and despite my initial resistance I find that after every meeting I go to I feel more at peace with myself. There is power in those rooms, no doubt.

CAPTAINZING2000

From the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous


Spiritual Experience
Appendix II page 399-400

THE terms "spiritual experience" and "spiritual awakening" are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms.
Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or religious experiences, must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous.
In the first few chapters a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming "God-consciousness" followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook.
Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James calls the "educational variety" because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.
Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it "God-consciousness."
Most emhpatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.
We find that no one need have difficulty with the spiritual side of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.

Magellan

UBN, thanks for this. I said in a post awhile back that I would go to a meeting but have been putting it off, after reading this I am thinking that I really don't have anything to lose and much to gain.

FreeOwl

My favorite self-coined phrase is 'you have nothing to lose and your life to gain'

awuh1

I must confess to wanting to bump this thread with its wonderful original post. More people who are thinking of attending a meeting, but have reservations about doing so, need to hear how this persons reservations were resolved. Thanks again ubntubnt.