How did I get here again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
How did I get here again?
I'm so discouraged. I have been going through an on and off again addiction to pain meds for the last 14 years. I cannot even believe it has been that long. I had a good long period and then this August my mom died. I had a bad cold, got some cough medicine, and there you go. It just kept getting worse and worse. And now I have been exaggerating or making up health issues to get stuff. My doctor, who I love, I believe knows what I am doing and now will not give me scripts. God bless her. She is right. So, I think the channels are closed for getting something, and that is good. But, what does that say about me? That somehow it is external control when I well know that I WILL be tempted at some point. Why, oh WHY can't I beat this forever. I just hate, hate, hate, this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
to SR. Many here struggled with addiction for years, decades. The good news is that anyone can quit for good, you included. The other good news is that you can find tons of support and information here on how to quit and stay quit. The catch is that you need to commit 100% to sobriety and make it your number one priority. Have you tried formal sobriety methods at all (NA for example)? Or perhaps come clean with your doc to see what resources he may have? Those would be a couple of good places to start.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
You state the problem exactly. Quitting is a great deal more than quitting. Stopping the ingestion of substances if you read on this site sounds like entering the gates of hell.
The reality is that it is only a brief period of time - days to a couple weeks - for most and then the sense of a better life begins. It sounds as if you have experienced this to some degree previously.
To me this is when the problem really starts because now you have the entire rest of your life to live without these substances. If you don't have some type of plan experience has taught that you just won't make it.
I am around my DOC every day, all day. Not mine but available. I can get some any time from my Dr. if I put on a good enough show even though he is aware of my problem.
I have chosen to pass through the parade of drugs with no intention of EVER no NEVER EVER taking any and have done so. I have chosen to dedicate myself to my wife, my "art" and to myself and to never go down that road again.
In pursuit of this goal I have endured shingles, surgery and diabetic neuropathy (which is worse than shingles) without asking for or taking any pain meds. I hate the thought of taking even tylenol or aspirin and haven't.
I was not surprised that without the presence or need of pain meds the discomfort has been much less than previously.
You can change your ingestion of drugs but unless you change you life and your spirit it does little good.
I must add that I have come to this point by going back on at least 2 occasions so no saint here.
The reality is that it is only a brief period of time - days to a couple weeks - for most and then the sense of a better life begins. It sounds as if you have experienced this to some degree previously.
To me this is when the problem really starts because now you have the entire rest of your life to live without these substances. If you don't have some type of plan experience has taught that you just won't make it.
I am around my DOC every day, all day. Not mine but available. I can get some any time from my Dr. if I put on a good enough show even though he is aware of my problem.
I have chosen to pass through the parade of drugs with no intention of EVER no NEVER EVER taking any and have done so. I have chosen to dedicate myself to my wife, my "art" and to myself and to never go down that road again.
In pursuit of this goal I have endured shingles, surgery and diabetic neuropathy (which is worse than shingles) without asking for or taking any pain meds. I hate the thought of taking even tylenol or aspirin and haven't.
I was not surprised that without the presence or need of pain meds the discomfort has been much less than previously.
You can change your ingestion of drugs but unless you change you life and your spirit it does little good.
I must add that I have come to this point by going back on at least 2 occasions so no saint here.
Stick around and post when you feel the urge. We'll support you in your efforts to stay clean and sober. 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
