Looking for answers
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
Looking for answers
Hello,
This is my very first post. I am not quite sure what I should say or exactly what I am looking for, so apologies in advance if this becomes convoluted.
I am dealing with the withdrawals from my addiction to my relationship with my addicted boyfriend. I was, and am, still sometimes very sensitive to the terms codependent and enabler,but realize that is exactly what I was to him. I loved him and continue to love him so much, but recognize that our unstable relationship was unhealthy. Even though I cried a lot and we would fight constantly about him getting help (or I would leave forever), the comfort I offered him by always being there at his beck and call to take his abuse,and justify his outbursts prevented him from getting help he desperately needed.
He was addicted to pain pills for our whole 6 year relationship, and then joined a methadone program, and I feel like that was even worse than just taking pills. He became so erratic and moody, and the program he was in did not seem to address WHY he was a drug addict or offer additional mental health services or support.
I moved out and said:I love you, this is not stable or safe. Make healthy decisions, get help for YOU. We left things with lots of tears, but with hope and love. I needed to make healthy decisions for me and not get sucked into his vortex....again.
Before this time and after I moved out his family sent me vile texts about how I used them for money, I was a drug addict, I did this to him, I ruined their lives, etc. None of it being true. I have never taken drugs or depended on them for money. I have worked with them in the past to get him in rehab. I have always been on their side- we love him so much and want him to have the healthy life he deserves. It was a easy decision. We are all enablers. We are all guilty.
Then I did not hear from him for weeks and reached out to his best friend who had also not heard from him. We decided he would be a good go between me and the family. I was frightened. The best friend reached out to me last week to let me know that my boyfriend was in rehab.
I am so happy that he is getting the help he needs. I am so proud of him for sticking with it for the weeks he has been there so far.
However, I am heartbroken that his family did not even tell me that my partner of more than 6 years was somewhere safe. I did not even need details, just a text-he's ok.
I also now wonder why I have not heard from him. I was wondering if someone could let me know what treatment programs are like where he would not be reaching out to us. He has been in rehab before and was able to call me. I feel so selfish just typing that!
I feel lost, confused and angry. Like real RAGE. I want the focus to be on him. I want him to be successful in this. But I also want something.....maybe closure? It all just seemed to evaporate into thin air.
I am across the country with my family. I have a therapist, I have joined this forum, and will be attending al anon meetings. I know I am loved and have support and the means to heal. I have to deal with my addiction. I am starting over from scratch- if someone told me at my age I would be doing this, I would never believe it. I also know I am still processing everything that has happened and am very emotional.
I feel like 2 people right now.
If anyone else could tell me if they have a similar family situation, or what comes next I would be so appreciative.
This is my very first post. I am not quite sure what I should say or exactly what I am looking for, so apologies in advance if this becomes convoluted.
I am dealing with the withdrawals from my addiction to my relationship with my addicted boyfriend. I was, and am, still sometimes very sensitive to the terms codependent and enabler,but realize that is exactly what I was to him. I loved him and continue to love him so much, but recognize that our unstable relationship was unhealthy. Even though I cried a lot and we would fight constantly about him getting help (or I would leave forever), the comfort I offered him by always being there at his beck and call to take his abuse,and justify his outbursts prevented him from getting help he desperately needed.
He was addicted to pain pills for our whole 6 year relationship, and then joined a methadone program, and I feel like that was even worse than just taking pills. He became so erratic and moody, and the program he was in did not seem to address WHY he was a drug addict or offer additional mental health services or support.
I moved out and said:I love you, this is not stable or safe. Make healthy decisions, get help for YOU. We left things with lots of tears, but with hope and love. I needed to make healthy decisions for me and not get sucked into his vortex....again.
Before this time and after I moved out his family sent me vile texts about how I used them for money, I was a drug addict, I did this to him, I ruined their lives, etc. None of it being true. I have never taken drugs or depended on them for money. I have worked with them in the past to get him in rehab. I have always been on their side- we love him so much and want him to have the healthy life he deserves. It was a easy decision. We are all enablers. We are all guilty.
Then I did not hear from him for weeks and reached out to his best friend who had also not heard from him. We decided he would be a good go between me and the family. I was frightened. The best friend reached out to me last week to let me know that my boyfriend was in rehab.
I am so happy that he is getting the help he needs. I am so proud of him for sticking with it for the weeks he has been there so far.
However, I am heartbroken that his family did not even tell me that my partner of more than 6 years was somewhere safe. I did not even need details, just a text-he's ok.
I also now wonder why I have not heard from him. I was wondering if someone could let me know what treatment programs are like where he would not be reaching out to us. He has been in rehab before and was able to call me. I feel so selfish just typing that!
I feel lost, confused and angry. Like real RAGE. I want the focus to be on him. I want him to be successful in this. But I also want something.....maybe closure? It all just seemed to evaporate into thin air.
I am across the country with my family. I have a therapist, I have joined this forum, and will be attending al anon meetings. I know I am loved and have support and the means to heal. I have to deal with my addiction. I am starting over from scratch- if someone told me at my age I would be doing this, I would never believe it. I also know I am still processing everything that has happened and am very emotional.
I feel like 2 people right now.
If anyone else could tell me if they have a similar family situation, or what comes next I would be so appreciative.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome emmireu 
You'll find a lot of support here, both in this forum and the Family and Friends forum Sugarbear linked to.
I think there's a lot of similarities between the breaking up of some relationships and the addict finding recovery...it's not an event so much as it is a process.
Even toxic relationships can be mourned.
It can be pretty tough in the beginning but it wiull get easier...particularly with the help and wisdom you'll find here
D
You'll find a lot of support here, both in this forum and the Family and Friends forum Sugarbear linked to.
I think there's a lot of similarities between the breaking up of some relationships and the addict finding recovery...it's not an event so much as it is a process.
Even toxic relationships can be mourned.
It can be pretty tough in the beginning but it wiull get easier...particularly with the help and wisdom you'll find here
D
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by emmireu 
Thank you all! I am learning how to utilize this site. Reading all these stories is so helpful and heartbreaking. It's all so similar. This is my life raft right now....
Youl find so much support
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