Sobriety is easy until something goes wrong...help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 167
Sobriety is easy until something goes wrong...help.
I've been so positive for the last 2 weeks and have been in the best mood. Now today has taken a turn for the worse as there have been some family problems, lots of arguments and falling out. My mother phoned me in tears, my brother has contacted me and we ended up arguing... now all i feel like doing is going out for a couple of glasses of wine.
I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't do it.
I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't do it.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Good for you messyliver,
It is a slow and winding path, this recovery business. We need to realize that our sobriety is the most precious gift we have. Alcohol only lets us run from our problems, and often, they are someone else's problems that we feel we need to engage. Working with our emotions is something we as addicts don't do well. That is a big part of recovery. I always think of this when I am faced with new struggles:
SOBER = Son Of a B**** Everything's Real. We need to learn to deal with the reality in our life again,,,this time being true to ourselves, and do it sober.
Proud of you, keep posting. Thanks.
It is a slow and winding path, this recovery business. We need to realize that our sobriety is the most precious gift we have. Alcohol only lets us run from our problems, and often, they are someone else's problems that we feel we need to engage. Working with our emotions is something we as addicts don't do well. That is a big part of recovery. I always think of this when I am faced with new struggles:
SOBER = Son Of a B**** Everything's Real. We need to learn to deal with the reality in our life again,,,this time being true to ourselves, and do it sober.
Proud of you, keep posting. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: ireland
Posts: 20
Sorry to hear ur having problems so soon into your sobriety. Congrats on ur 2 weeks and I hope you find strength not to have a slip. Take it easy. And take care of yourself things always sort themselves out so time is all u need.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 709
Good for you, messyliver. The craving will pass. Stay strong.
It's hard sometimes. Life can be difficult, and that's when I used to drink, to help me cope with problems. But drinking won't solve any problems. It just adds to them.
It's hard sometimes. Life can be difficult, and that's when I used to drink, to help me cope with problems. But drinking won't solve any problems. It just adds to them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Malaga
Posts: 9
Remember that when you drink, your emotions will run wild and it won't solve anything, in fact it will only make things worse, and you'll feel depressed for giving in and thus the cycle begins again. Stopping is the hardest part, once you're in stop mode it is so much easier to maintain it that go back to square one and begin all over again. You can do it!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Hhhhmmmm... Family problems....glad that didn't happen to me!!!!
Yeah, that's a lie.
When I got sober I started to see how my family was a wee bit disfunctional. And there I was either stickin my nose in the middle of the problems between my sister and brother and brother and brother. Tryin to be the fixer upper.AND joining in the chaos.
And then a friend in recovery said to me after tellin him about some of it( I was lookin for help on a solution to help m family)," ok, just listened to quite a bit and sounds like there's a lot goin on between yer brothers and sister, but I don't hear where you have a part in it."
Took me a while to finally accept that the problems my brothers and sister had between the, weren't my problem. But I made it mine. And it didn't matter what I did I couldn't fix em.
Sooooo, I stopped allowing them.to tell me about the problems they had with each other or others in our family If they weren't going to talk about solutions. Stopped allowing them to drag me into it.
It took a bit to get it through to them that if they have a problem with me we can talk about it, but if it's anyone else in the family and they didn't want to work on solutions they had to call someone else.
And over time, our family has actually gotten healthier. Cept for one brother. I haven't spoken to him in about 7 years. I can't afford his circus in my life.
A drink isn't gonna help. What I'm thinkin is this is prolly something that's been happening for a while and ya got some experience of how well a drink didn't help.
Yeah, that's a lie.
When I got sober I started to see how my family was a wee bit disfunctional. And there I was either stickin my nose in the middle of the problems between my sister and brother and brother and brother. Tryin to be the fixer upper.AND joining in the chaos.
And then a friend in recovery said to me after tellin him about some of it( I was lookin for help on a solution to help m family)," ok, just listened to quite a bit and sounds like there's a lot goin on between yer brothers and sister, but I don't hear where you have a part in it."
Took me a while to finally accept that the problems my brothers and sister had between the, weren't my problem. But I made it mine. And it didn't matter what I did I couldn't fix em.
Sooooo, I stopped allowing them.to tell me about the problems they had with each other or others in our family If they weren't going to talk about solutions. Stopped allowing them to drag me into it.
It took a bit to get it through to them that if they have a problem with me we can talk about it, but if it's anyone else in the family and they didn't want to work on solutions they had to call someone else.
And over time, our family has actually gotten healthier. Cept for one brother. I haven't spoken to him in about 7 years. I can't afford his circus in my life.
A drink isn't gonna help. What I'm thinkin is this is prolly something that's been happening for a while and ya got some experience of how well a drink didn't help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
When I finally got sober my expectation was life was going to be NO potholes on the path of sobriety.
My bad! Life happens with and without me and I need to say the Serenity Prayer many times a day and get out of the drivers seat much more often.
The result of staying sober is WE get better. = EASY DOES IT.
BE WELL
When I finally got sober my expectation was life was going to be NO potholes on the path of sobriety.
My bad! Life happens with and without me and I need to say the Serenity Prayer many times a day and get out of the drivers seat much more often.
The result of staying sober is WE get better. = EASY DOES IT.
BE WELL
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Messyliver
Try to keep a bit of distance while your feeling like this
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
Try to keep a bit of distance while your feeling like this
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
I'm sorry about your family problems but you can get through this. It's inevitable that ups and downs will come along, but have confidence that you can move through those times.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi ml,
Boy, I think we can all relate. 2 weeks is really great and I believe this was just about the time that my 'emotional' reaction to life around me started to become apparent and not so tolerable.
What I had to do was give myself a break from being a consultant for others unless it was absolutely necessary. I took care of maintaining home and work relationships, but put quite a bit aside until I felt less reactive and more resilient to the situations that came my way.
Like the line in that song: "No drama. Oh, Oh. No drama".
My overall suggestion is to let your phone go to voicemail and go for a nice, long walk to burn off all those extra stress hormones. Write here on SR. But do not drink!
Way to go!
Boy, I think we can all relate. 2 weeks is really great and I believe this was just about the time that my 'emotional' reaction to life around me started to become apparent and not so tolerable.
What I had to do was give myself a break from being a consultant for others unless it was absolutely necessary. I took care of maintaining home and work relationships, but put quite a bit aside until I felt less reactive and more resilient to the situations that came my way.
Like the line in that song: "No drama. Oh, Oh. No drama".
My overall suggestion is to let your phone go to voicemail and go for a nice, long walk to burn off all those extra stress hormones. Write here on SR. But do not drink!
Way to go!
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Life in General would be so much easier if we never have trials and tribulations.
In reality, how would a person ever enjoy the great days unless, we had some sorrow.
Not sure of nature of your argument with your brother. Have you taken time to sort it out? Were you at fault in any way during the disagreement? Did your brother fly off angrily at you without you getting angry in return?
It's a better person to reach out after a disagreement with an olive branch and find a peaceful conclusion.
Then, the ball is in his court if you at least try and make amends.
We don't have to be a participant in every battle that comes our way.
Proverbs 15
In reality, how would a person ever enjoy the great days unless, we had some sorrow.
Not sure of nature of your argument with your brother. Have you taken time to sort it out? Were you at fault in any way during the disagreement? Did your brother fly off angrily at you without you getting angry in return?
It's a better person to reach out after a disagreement with an olive branch and find a peaceful conclusion.
Then, the ball is in his court if you at least try and make amends.
We don't have to be a participant in every battle that comes our way.
Proverbs 15
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 38
Don't do it! I think it took me a long time to realize the (seemingly obvious to a non-alcoholic) fact that drinking to escape our problems doesn't make them go away (and usually just makes them worse). Remember how good you have felt these past couple of weeks, do whatever will help you relax (vent to a friend, go for a walk, etc) and you will be glad later that you were able to deal with the problems with a clear head.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Definitely a true statement, the reality is Sobriety doesn't fix everything in life, there are still always going to be ups and downs, but we can't run straight back to alcohol as soon as something stressful crops up and throw away all the good work.
Instead we need a few new tools in the tool box, I find going for long walks in the fresh air to clear my head are good, started to listen to more music to relax, more herbal teas, plenty of me time, on my own to relax, whatever it is something other than reaching for what know best in a bottle!!
You can do this!! Keep pushing through!!
Instead we need a few new tools in the tool box, I find going for long walks in the fresh air to clear my head are good, started to listen to more music to relax, more herbal teas, plenty of me time, on my own to relax, whatever it is something other than reaching for what know best in a bottle!!
You can do this!! Keep pushing through!!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
When I realized alcohol was the problem not the solution I started looking at things differently.
The last year of my life has been a nightmare beyond anything that can be imagined.
What kept me sober was knowing alcohol was not an option so I better figure out how to deal with the situation sober
The last year of my life has been a nightmare beyond anything that can be imagined.
What kept me sober was knowing alcohol was not an option so I better figure out how to deal with the situation sober
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Adding alcohol to difficult emotions never solved my problems. In recovery, one of the most useful things I've learned is that it's NORMAL to feel uncomfortable when experiencing difficult emotions. Take a deep breath and keep moving forward, sober. This too will pass.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I am not sure sobriety is "easy" on the best of days. A good day was a great reason to celebrate with some beers.
I had to put both my cats down in the space of a year. The second one was my guy, he had been with me for 16-17 years, just got sick and couldn't stand on his own anymore, he was really in it bad, so I took him on the one way trip to the vet. I was so sad, choked up on my tears at work a couple times even.
I thought about drinking. It didn't sound like a good idea so I didn't do it. All it would do is make you a sad drunk who's disappointed in himself. That's a whole lot worse than just "sad".
If you make it though this time you will probably have learned something that helps you in sobriety. Stay on course, man.
I had to put both my cats down in the space of a year. The second one was my guy, he had been with me for 16-17 years, just got sick and couldn't stand on his own anymore, he was really in it bad, so I took him on the one way trip to the vet. I was so sad, choked up on my tears at work a couple times even.
I thought about drinking. It didn't sound like a good idea so I didn't do it. All it would do is make you a sad drunk who's disappointed in himself. That's a whole lot worse than just "sad".
If you make it though this time you will probably have learned something that helps you in sobriety. Stay on course, man.
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