Buggirl

Fantastic! Well done!

HereIAm321

Thanks again everyone!!!

RedneckRoo

Congratulations on a great path.....Its a milestone and here is hoping to many more

Soberwolf

Well done on 2 years sober thats fantastic

HereIAm321

How I did it... Well, it's kind of odd, I don't really know *how* I did it. It's just been working.

This forum helped save my life back when I was getting ready to quit. If you look at some of my early posts, you can see how ready I was, yet how much in denial I still was. I was tired of bullshitting myself. And everyone here knew I was doing so. Funny how alcoholics can always see their own tricks playing out in their fellows. The lovely folks here are great at being gentle & firm, but also don't hesitate to call you out while doing so. To everyone that was here for me....I owe you my life.

I use(d) a combination of things: Sober Rational Recovery methods, AA, and surfing my desires to see the end result play out in my head. I never want to be where I was before. I was dying. Inside, outside, everywhere. People have told me "Oh come on, you're not as bad as most alcoholics get." It doesn't matter. It was bad enough for ME.
I kept getting weird hunches and feelings, and dreams, that I was going to die if I didn't stop. Not like "oh if you don't stop you're going to end up dead one day." Rather, it was a very immediate red light, like "If you don't stop NOW, you will perish. Stop. NOW." I don't know where that came from...or how my demise would have played out. But I was convinced I didn't have much time left.
At age 29, that scared the living sh*t out of me. Some people can drink 20 drinks/day for 30 years, never get liver problems, and somehow be able to operate decently on a daily basis, at least for a period of time. I was having 8 drinks/day, often binging more, for "only" about 2 years, and had also drank the 8 years before (though not as heavily), and yet I knew the jig was up for me. Maybe my body is more sensitive, maybe I'm insane for hearing those warnings, maybe something was trying to speak to me...I don't know to this day. But I listened.

AA has been extremely helpful for me as well. I got a sponsor, and am still stuck on Step 4 (which l'm told is fairly common). The fellowship, hearing passages that strike me to the ground as if they were written *exclusively* about me, make me believe that I do have an illness. I have an allergy to alcohol. If it weren't an illness, why do all alcoholics/addicts manifest the same personality defects, the same level of denial, the same swift and certain decline...? It's real.

When I get cravings, I imagine what I would actually do if alcohol ever entered my body again. I know it would make me feel sick, and I'd induce vomiting. Sometimes, viewing things in black & white terms DOES help.

I'm scared out of my wits to touch the stuff again.

I know it will always be a struggle, as all illnesses are. And I know I will always have those internal challenges to "try" to drink again.

But you know what?

I've got 4 words:

It's not worth it.



Hope this helps! Keep on truckin'!!!

HereIAm321

Hmmmm. Well I did notice that cravings seemed to arise out of nowhere the closer I got to 2 years. In AA, they say this is a common phenomenon.

I got scared, starting going back to my sponsor, and took a few "breathers" a day. Just to reconnect with myself. It's helped a lot so far.

It was a lot more surreal for me to get the 2 year token than the 1 year token. I just can't *believe* TWO years have already passed! Time has seemed to be speeding up.

What are you doing to stay sober?

carlingford

Thank you HEAREIAM321? WELL DONE AND A GREAT INSIGHT