notgonnastoptry

At the end of my drinking, I would only allow myself to buy half pints which was completely absurd because it meant I needed to go out to the store at least twice, or maybe three times on weekends to get more. I'd usually pick up a shot with it.

That meant I had to find lots of excuses to go to the store in front of the kids. They are tweens and would want to come which would make me irrationally anger. I think they suspected it and wanted to prevent it or something.

In any case, now I've offered to take them to the store, whether it's errand running or grocery shopping. the resounding answer is that "no", they would rather stay home.

Sigh.
Just a little levity for today!

MIRecovery

Our lives became unmanageable

JanieJ

Yes, the kids.

I didn't think my teenager daughter really noticed how much I drank, but when I quit, for weeks afterwards, if I brought in a bottle of cordial or something that looked like it might be wine, she would ask "you're not drinking again are you ? "

It hit me then that she'd always known and she did worry

Wholesome

It's crazy the denial I lived in regarding how it was affecting my kids. Makes me want to hang my head in shame.

EndGameNYC

I used to buy several pints of vodka at a time, sometimes from as many as three different liquor stores on a single shopping trip. They're portable, easy to conceal, and if my ex found one of them, I'd always have backup. "Hid" them in my backpack on my way home for future concealment. Would hide one under the sofa in the living room, one in my coat/jacket pocket near the front door, another in a calf-length boot in the bedroom, and another still behind the TV cabinet.

No matter which room she was in, I could go to another room and drink in private.

One time I hid a pint in the pocket of my black leather coat (or so I thought). My ex found it and went nuts. I had inadvertently placed it in the pocket of her black leather coat. I discovered that she'd found it the next morning when she'd planted it squarely on my desk before she left for work.

I don't miss any of that. The sneaking around itself took a tremendous toll on both of us.

MIRecovery

I used to hide my booze so well even I couldn't find it. It has been a while but I used to find empty and full bottles on a somewhat regular basis.

Soberwolf

Nice post

EndGameNYC

I've done the same thing. I wondered after she threw me out whether or not she'd find any more of my "Easter Eggs."

PurpleKnight

Drinking was such a headache looking back, planning to make sure the stockpile was sufficient, getting rid of the empties, making the excuses, brushing my teeth more extensively in the mornings, pack of chewing gum always on me, what a hassle!!

Imagine if we concentrated all that effort into some new projects in Sobriety, just think of the things we could achieve!!

MelindaFlowers

I would hide my vodka in the trunk of my car. We lived in a warm indoor/outdoor climate so I could sneak outside all the time and refill.

I would also buy Gatorade style sports drinks and fill half with vodka so it still looked like a sports drink.

Almost forgot the 32 oz soda cups from circle K. Oh, and a water bottle with PURPOSELY FLAT 7-up and vodka. Wouldn't want that carbonation giving it away.

Never thought of that before.

WHO PURPOSELY WANTS FLAT SODA?

I think the best part was when I would hide my pint bottles of vodka around the house and then I couldn't find them. Once when I was on a day 1, a serious day 1 and had cleared the house of alcohol, I found a fifth, 3/4 full in a box of pictures when I was cleaning. Well, no more day 1 that time! I have this clear memory of that time because I drank it in a completely empty stomach and had one of the worst hangovers of my life.

notgonnastoptry

Sounds a lot like my life. What a mess it was. Except I wouldn't buy more than one because once it became clear things were out of control, I tried to back off. I knew if I had more than one, I'd drink them down very quickly. That in itself was absurd because I knew at the point of purchase that I'd be back either there or another place. In the end I stopped caring about going to the same place. It was way too convenient since it was just a few blocks from the house and I didn't want to risk anything by drinking and driving, even though I was risking everything anything. And I needed to go to the liquor store because at the regular store, they only sold liters. I would be in that corner liquor store multiple times a day, that's for sure.

As for the hiding, I was busted on so many counts, even though I thought I was extremely slick. The worst was when I would get drunk and leave empties in coat pockets. As we were getting ready to go on an outing, one of my kids borrowed my coat (months after I'd finished that half pint). What comes out oft he pocket?

Then my husband was driving the kids around. I don't keep half pints in the glove compartment to drink and drive, but I suppose it was hidden there beaus I was planning to throw it out. Husband gets oil changed, opens glove compartment to put the paperwork in, in front of my daughter and boom. It sucked because we were all getting on that day well and then he walks in and in a very stern voice, demands that I come to the bedroom. My daughter just looked at me scornfully. I really wasn't sipping as I drove down the road, but that's how it looked.

Another time, oldest son and husband were moving some furniture around in the loft. They pick up the couch and there it is!

The list goes on and on. I wasn't getting busted every day, but it's pretty damn shameful to be busted with plastic half-pints, the classic sign of an alcoholic.

I would forget where I hid things. The absolute worst (back then) was when I'd forget where I hid things when I needed my 3 am, put me back to sleep, nip. Then I'd be stumbling around, panicking.

Good riddances half-pints.

Oh and this disease, for those reading, it is so progressive. When I first started one of those big jugs (1.75) would last me for over a month. I'd have two small drinks most days a week. At the end, I would go through a 1 liter every 24 hours. That's when I changed to half pints.

notgonnastoptry

I would go out to the garage as well. But as kids, especially, began to suspect me, they'd watch me like a hawk. It sucked. And I couldn't leave things in my bags because although they are old enough not to rifle through them, the telltale sign was that I'd take the bag with me, say if we were at a hotel, across the room. It would always be almost up my you know what.

It's so much harder with kids since they are always testing you because of course, they care. I used to be able to get away with what looked like water at the breakfast table. The one time my son grabbed my cup. I think he was testing me, looking back. I freaked out, snatched it and made up some idiotic lie about how I had some contagious mouth disease. Well, that was the last of that guise. For months after that, the kids would constantly be asking for my water to test me and I would note how they sort of sniffed it first, very very briefly, but they did. Even my husband who is pretty quiet about all of this, told me that the mouth disease thing was so see through. Duh.

EndGameNYC

Living in NYC, there were no less than three liquor stores within easy walking distance from where I lived. And about a dozen bars, some of which fronted as restaurants. (Booze isn't sold in grocery stores here, or anywhere else besides liquor stores.) I didn't want to be in any of the stores long enough for the cashier to ask why I don't just buy a couple of liters instead of four-to-six pints. And I didn't want to go through the thoroughly humiliating answer to that question in my mind. I'd never say it out loud. Buying six pints alone in any one store would, by itself, have been humiliating as well, as was virtually everything else I was doing at that point in my life. Damage control during an earthquake...like hiding under a chair.

Yes. It was a mess. Not caring about anything anymore was not even the last straw for me...just another phase of my drinking life. There are moments now when I cannot believe that I lived like that. Everything was about getting my drink and when and where I'd drink it. Always making certain that I wouldn't run out.

I put as much energy into my booze purchases, hiding and drinking, as did the Allies prior to landing at Normandy. And I was like James Bond in my execution though, ultimately, the only thing he and I had in common was that neither of us died during our missions.

notgonnastoptry

I can relate to the making sure you have enough to get through the night/day, whatever, and getting angry when that plan backfires.

I have a friend who is/was similar to me. When we got together we would basically spend the weekend together drunk until I'd have a period of sobriety and get ready to drive. I still felt like hell as I drove and would probably have been arrested even though I felt fine. I would always stop and get a liter for us (I'm not even sure of terminology here, but not the super big bottle, the one that is next up from a pint). We supplemented with her wine, etc. But we were both the type that drank during the night (to get back to sleep, to stave off the withdrawals, etc.). I was starting to get aggravated since us alcoholics know exactly how much we need and she was cutting into my supply (even though it was ostensibly "our" bottle to share). I suddenly got the bright idea that I should bring along a side stash. And that, I did. I'd come armed with either a half pint or a pint to tide me over the next day and I'd keep it out of her sight. Inevitably, she'd ask me to go to the store for more and I'd go, buzzed and all. I was kind of happy to do that because it meant my cup fillth over!

Today, I was shopping in the am and I was getting ready to go through a stale green light when I saw a cop. I slammed on the breaks and everything flew off the seats. And in some ways, I thought, oh well, if he pulls me over, I don't have to worry about a DUI.

Once, while mildly buzzed, I ended up at a road block. I think it was over Memorial Day. I think I would have blown over the limit, but not by much, but still. I just don't play the part--I have a luxury car, car seats in the car, and I don't look like it, I guess. I know there isn't any certain look to an alcoholic and I did have the red face, the bloat, etc. But I just look like the nice lady down the street. The officer didn't even keep me for more than a second. I rolled my window down, he flashed the light and barely got to my face and waved me on. Riding up to that road block, though, my heart was about to leap out of my chest.

I think the guys at my old liquor store (well, the main one) are used to dealing with alcoholics and they didn't care. Just kept a smile on their faces, etc. It was like a secret agreement--they didn't embarrass me by asking and I kept giving them business.

notgonnastoptry

About the drinking in the garage thing, I just remembered that I was so intent on drinking it that though I was hiding from my family, I didn't really care that my neighbors could see me standing in back of my vehicle and pouring something into my mouth. I could have been discrete and sat inside the car, but at that point, it was all about spending the least amount of time out of the house. There were only so many things I could retrieve from the garage, so sometimes, I would just steal myself away, hoping to be unnoticed and gulp down as much as I could. It's sad by that time, all my other places had either been discovered or family heavily suspected what was happening--these places were the closest, the storage room, the basement, etc. I also liked half pints because they were easy to conceal in an a$$ pocket, literally. I'd stuff them down the back of my pants when I came home from the store so I could hide the bottle somewhere in the house and then get irrationally mad when the kids would go in my room for something. Of course, it was so obvious what was happening to everyone but me.