Axiom

I am having a lot of anxiety right now about being sober for life. I went through a horrible detox which in a way I think was a good thing. It has really made me realize that alcohol=death at least in my case. When I first started this 2 ½ half months ago, I honestly thought I just needed to take a week or so off to dry up and I would be fine. Hey, I had done it before (not in a long time) and was always fine.
After detox I was looking up statistics about sobriety and saw how many people relapse in the first 90 days. I thought of course will be able to make in 3 months. I have had to make some massive life changes and had my share of days I wasn’t sure if I would manage it but here I am, still sober.
The problem is as this month starts coming to an end I find myself with extra anxiety. My goal was 90 days, one I could see, even if it seemed far away. Now that it seems so close I don’t really know how to get past it. How do you transition from a goal to a life? Is it normal for this to feel like a temporary reprieve from the drunken mess I have made of my life right now?
I don’t want to fail and I will do my damnedest not too but… Maybe it’s just my AV, idk, I’m just anxious about this next step

Anna

When I stopped, I knew it would be/had to be forever. So, I accepted that alcohol was no longer an option, ever. For me, that worked beautifully. If I had planned to stop for 30 days or 90 days, that little window opening would be beckoning to me louder and louder that maybe I could drink. And, I can't.

Coldfusion

Whenever I doubt my sobriety, it is my AV talking. I must never forget that the next detox will be worse or fatal, and just take things one day at a time.

Coldfusion

I don't think I disagree with Anna, even though I say I take it one day at a time and she says she has quit for life. That's really just a matter of semantics. I have a goal to be sober for life, and I achieve this by trying to to focus on what is necessary for me to stay sober each moment.

LBrain

you can do this Axiom, yes, the feelings can be tough in the beginning - just stick with it, I promise it gets easier the more time you have,
make it to 90 days and set a new goal, if you are struggling - just focus on today, if you can make it through TODAY, you can survive, tomorrow - just make it through TODAY again...

Wholesome

I also had to make it forever in my mind. If I give my AV the option of maybe one day in the future I can have a drink the little bastard would never give me any peace. My resolve has to be absolute for me to have peace of mind. The only deal I will make with myself regarding drinking is to never drink again and never change my mind. I find it so much easier than all the broken deals and promises I used to have to make with myself in some fool hardy attempt to control something that I simply cannot.

mns1

Axiom, 90 days is just a statistic. Just a number. Statistics are based on correlation, not causation. That number does not have to apply to you.

Saying that you are going to stay sober for life is a commitment. You take it one day at a time.

Stay focused and faithful Axiom!

Soberwolf

Take it by the day bud if the future is scaring you then dont focus on that it hasnt happened

Focus on today & what you can do now

Anna

I agree that we must live in the day, because of course that's all we have. And, I agree that keeping sober a day at a time is the foundation of a sober life, absolutely. I think there is a difference between stopping one day at a time with the intention of long-term sobriety, and stopping for a fixed period of 30 or 90 days. If I had my mind fixed on 30 days of sobriety, I would be counting the days till I could drink again. Does that make sense?

Manda33079

I had this same feeling until I had everything I love come crashing down. Now alcohol does not seem as important. It took quite some time to come to this conclusion and I am still having relapses.

saoutchik

Hi AxiomDC

First off you have done amazingly well - two and a half months and counting so you should also appreciate what a great thing it is that you've already done.

You are only confronted with this anxiety because you have succeeded so far

I am only on day 18 and really hope to be faced with the same scenario myself in mid March

you can do it

Nonsensical

Fear of sober living is a hallmark symptom of addiction. I sure had a bad case of it for a long time. It's not rational, but it feels very very real. In the end it is just a smoke screen from the AV. It can't hurt you but it will sure work hard to make you believe it can.

Make a plan now for how you're going to deal with day 91. It's coming.

Congrats on your success so far. No retreat!

sugarbear1

1200 AA meetings a week in the NOVA/MD/DC area, lots of sober people to talk with......

you are not alone!

Axiom

Thank you all for the great advice and encouragement!
Sometimes dealing with today for the rest of my life is a pretty big concept to me. I spent so much time with alcohol not dealing with today or yesterday and never really worried about tomorrow.
The stats about getting sober are a bit overwhelming. Especially the ones about first “try” sobriety. It’s hard to explain but I have accepted or at least know I can never drink again. Not if I want to be happy and healthy. I need to just say damn the stats I am going to do this! However that is much easier said than felt.

Rina

I feel this way as well. I got sober the day after a DUI and I have been for almost 8 months. Even though I chose sobriety immediately I have been placed on probation and I have committed to sobriety while on probation. I think about when I get off though and how tempting it will be once I get off. I can only think about today and put as many precautions in place for when I do. I am very active in AA and have a sponsor and I talk about it with her. I try not to overthink it. I think we all deal with this as the wreckage our drinking caused begins to fade a little. I hope this helps!

Kris47

Axiom,

Just don't pick up the first drink.

The farther along you come the easier it is to just abstain.

Congrats on how far you've come!

EndGameNYC

We all seem to be different with this. I was genuinely relieved when I went to my first AA meeting to learn that I never had to drink again. It was an absolute awakening for me and kept me going for twenty five years before I relapsed for three years. I'm again grateful that I was able to achieve sobriety; it was the most difficult thing I've done in my life the second time around.

We don't have to take care of everything all at once when we put down the drink. I made many significant changes in my life during each stretch of sobriety, but they generally happened very slowly. I can lose my breath when I stop to think about how much I accomplished each time, but if I weren't patient with myself, it would have all been for naught.

Dee74

Don't let the numbers mess you up. Day counts are just markers, not the recovery itself

I did the same things on day 891 that I did on day 89, or today for that matter.

For me 90 days was enough for me to remove the training wheels and talk about forever, not just 90 days or whatever.

If you have a little kernel of an idea that maybe one day you can drink again, I really encourage you to expose that thought for the lie it is...

the only thing that ever changed with my drinking was it got worse Axiom,

D

LBrain

I like that reference - training wheels for 90 days.

gleefan

You do it just like you've been doing it - one day at a time. Being a nondrinker takes practice, and gets easier with time. You can do this. Kick that AV to the curb.