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Need some help...

Old 01-15-2015, 09:37 PM
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Exclamation Need some help...

Hello,

I'm a 31 year old guy and I need some help. I know I have a drinking problem. Mostly because of boredom, I suspect. I drink about 750mL to 1L of vodka a week. During the workweek, I don't drink as my days are occupied and I know how it affects my performance. However, on my days off, I look forward to drinking. It helps pass the time, so I'm basically drinking at least 375 mL per day on the weekends,

I know the typical advice wold be to find a hobby or something similar. While a good idea, it's not that supportive. All I really need is some encouragement to stay sober and resist the urge to drink on the weekends. I find myself hiding my drinking from my fiancé, which scares me. Basically, I'm in a confusing position where I see and recognize the warning signs of problem drinking, but I still drink, despite them.

If anyone can offer any advice or support, I'd really appreciate it. I'm buzzed tonight, but tomorrow is the start of another workweek for me, so I want to help continue that into the weekend and resist alcohol. The urge to drink is powerful at the moment. But I hope to be able to reduce that in the future.

Thanks for the help, everyone!
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Old 01-15-2015, 09:45 PM
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Welcome mspguy

There's no end of support here

I recommend joining our Class of January support thread and posting at least daily - there's support there 24 hours a day.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-17.html

Not sure where you stand on recovery groups like AA etc... but if you're hiding a drinking problem from loved ones, I agree you probably need more than just a hobby to stay sober - some real life support might be just the ticket?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

Glad to have you aboard

D
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Old 01-15-2015, 10:03 PM
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Hi Dee,

Thank you so much for responding. I appreciate your commitment, even at 11:45 at night. I will be sure to check out that thread. It's good to know there is support out there. Thank again!
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Old 01-16-2015, 04:19 AM
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Binge drinking can kill us:

"The CDC searched death records from 2010 through 2012. Researchers focused on people who died after a single episode of binge drinking. Too much alcohol can shut down areas of the brain that control breathing, heart rate and temperature."
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Old 01-16-2015, 04:29 AM
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Hey mspguy,

You've come to a good place!

I knew I had a problem when I started feeling the need to resist the urge to drink on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I let it it progress for over two years before I admitted that enough was enough.
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Old 01-16-2015, 04:39 AM
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welcome
I can tell you from experience that when you start hiding booze, it isn't a good sign...as it sounds you already know that. Hiding it is a step in a direction you don't want to go.
Hang around here awhile
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Old 01-16-2015, 05:47 AM
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Welcome nice to meet you
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Old 01-16-2015, 05:59 AM
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Welcome, mspguy, to SR.

Bells and whistles started going off in my brain when I began to hide my drinking and how much I was drinking; it was, in a big way, the end to my denial of my alcoholism.

SR is here for you 24/7/365. Reach out.
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Old 01-16-2015, 06:11 AM
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it's those small subtle changes that now are huge sirens in my head. You know (kind of) at the time that normal drinkers don't do those things.
I went from buying bottles of wine to the cartons b/c I didn't want my BF to hear the "clanging" in my underwear drawer.
LOL - wine, whether in a bottle or a carton..should NEVER be in an underwear drawer!!
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Old 01-16-2015, 06:21 AM
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Hi mspguy, I think you're right to be worried by the weekend drinking, because you're finding it hard to control it. Hiding it from your fiancee is also a red flag.

Good news is that you don't drink during the week so you only have the 2-3 days to worry about. It sounds like a stress release thing, and also a growing dependency which you may be predisposed to.

As an after-work drinker I had to avoid the usual triggers that made me crave a drink at a certain time of the day. I altered my routine slightly, walked some of the way home, had something to eat and drink right after work, and didn't let myself get too tired or hungry. Little steps helped a lot. See if planning activities where you can't drink (like a long trek), or camping, or staying in a hotel with your fiancee, works. You'll need to make a plan for yourself. Get very determined to break the cycle, and accept that you can't drink again, ever. This is easier if you break it down into shorter goals like, one weekend, six weeks, six months, a year and so on.

Trust me that if you can break the weekly drinking cycle it will take a huge weight off your mind.
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Old 01-16-2015, 06:26 AM
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It's interesting how often the "I drink because I'm bored" line comes up here. Not that it's not true. I understand completely and felt the same way myself. But it is, I think, tangled up with the Alcoholic Voice and can be used as a justification.

There are very good reasons to explain the boredom that alcoholics feel when they're not drinking, reasons that are rooted in brain science. Essentially the brain has become addicted to the substance, and the only way it can release those good, pleasure seeking chemicals, like dopamine, is by ingesting the addicted substance. Everything else in life just doesn't cut the mustard (is that even a saying?)

Again, I understand completely. When I was drinking, nothing was fun or interesting, unless, well, I was drinking. Hiking in the mountains? Boring. Hiking in the mountains and having a few beers at the top? Suddenly very interesting. Bowling? Boring. Bowling while drinking? Suddengly very interesting. And etc.

The good news is, the brain is a very adaptive organ, and nobody has to stay addicted forever. Within a couple weeks of sobriety, it will begin to reset itself and you will begin to get dopamine rushes with ordinary activities. Hence the common, pink cloud effect.

So hang in there, soberiety is worth it, and it doesn't include a lifetime of boredom and drudgery. In fact looking back, that's exactly what my life of drinking was.
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Old 01-16-2015, 07:16 AM
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The hiding it is a real big red flag. I, like a lot of other people here, hid it too. I felt I needed to protect my loved ones from seeing how much booze I needed or wanted. And I was also very selfish in that I wanted my own stash that no one could touch. This is alcoholic behavior for sure. Also I think your bored because you really just want to drink. Once you stop you'll find other ways to spend your time wisely. Good luck.
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Old 01-16-2015, 08:04 AM
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Originally Posted by nomis View Post
It's interesting how often the "I drink because I'm bored" line comes up here. Not that it's not true. I understand completely and felt the same way myself. But it is, I think, tangled up with the Alcoholic Voice and can be used as a justification.

There are very good reasons to explain the boredom that alcoholics feel when they're not drinking, reasons that are rooted in brain science. Essentially the brain has become addicted to the substance, and the only way it can release those good, pleasure seeking chemicals, like dopamine, is by ingesting the addicted substance. Everything else in life just doesn't cut the mustard (is that even a saying?)

Again, I understand completely. When I was drinking, nothing was fun or interesting, unless, well, I was drinking. Hiking in the mountains? Boring. Hiking in the mountains and having a few beers at the top? Suddenly very interesting. Bowling? Boring. Bowling while drinking? Suddengly very interesting. And etc.

The good news is, the brain is a very adaptive organ, and nobody has to stay addicted forever. Within a couple weeks of sobriety, it will begin to reset itself and you will begin to get dopamine rushes with ordinary activities. Hence the common, pink cloud effect.

So hang in there, soberiety is worth it, and it doesn't include a lifetime of boredom and drudgery. In fact looking back, that's exactly what my life of drinking was.
Wow, this is a great perspective on the boredom issue. I've never thought of it like that, but it makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

Thank you to everyone for their support. It's great to have all these encouraging words going forward.
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Old 01-16-2015, 09:18 AM
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mspguy, when I was your age, I drank much like you did. Mostly weekends. Mostly in amounts that, while excessive, were manageable. As the years went on though, I found the urge to have a few drinks after work each day as well. And, as my tolerance for alcohol increased, I began to drink more and more.

That was 20 years ago. When I had my last drink, 17 months ago, I was 50 years old, divorced, and drinking 8-10 drinks a day. My professional and personal life was a mess.

Looking back, I realize that I wasted 20 years of my life. I wish I could go back to where you are and do things differently.

I hope you can learn from the mistakes of people like me.

Even IF the price of sobriety is occasional boredom (it isn't, by the way - I have found more things to do sober than I was ever able to do as a drunk), the price is worth it compared to the negative effects of a lifetime of excessive drinking. Love life. Financial. Work. Health. You name it. It will all be negatively affected if you continue on the path that you are on.

You have a great opportunity to improve your life and your future. It isn't easy to quit. And it will require some lifestyle adjustments on your part. But, believe me, it is worth it.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
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Old 01-16-2015, 03:18 PM
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Welcome to the Forum mspguy!!
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