Mainza

Hi everyone,

I've been sober for almost two months now and my mind played some very dirty tricks on me today. I made a decision that in the future, I can moderate my drinking and just drink one beer in a sitting. I have tried this before but it has never worked. It may work for an occasion or two but then I am back to my old ways of binge drinking. I just moved to a new city and started a new job and I have a feeling that the staff will want to go for beers this weekend. I thought it about it today and was actually thinking I could return to drinking but only 1 beer a day. I want to be social and I want to bond with my new coworkers!

I truly can not return to any black out drinking. That is what I do. When I get started I am not able to control myself.

I just don't know what to do. When people ask me, do you want to join us for a beer and I say no, I feel left out and like I do not want to spend time with them. If they ask why I don't want to join them, what can I say? Just flat out, I don't drink? Does anyone else have experience similar to me?

Eddiebuckle

I know the feeling. Don't fall for it, especially at two months... way too early to take that kind of risk. The time will come when it is not uncomfortable to be around strangers who are drinking, but right now it's a recipe for disaster.

When/if you are asked to join for drinks, how about "sorry I can't make it tonight, but how about lunch tomorrow?"

Mikie9

You obviously can't drink a beer a day, or go "drinking" with your new work mates. I can't either lol.

The only question I can think to ask is are they the "go have a beer over 2 hours types, eat, and talk a lot... or go out and get drunk types? If the first, "maybe" you could go and not drink beer, and believe me those type of drinkers don't care if you drink or not. BUT that may be a very risky situation for you, to "just have one like them".

If they are the go out and get drunk types, then you probably don't want to socialize with them in that environment at all.

When asked, find out what kind of drinkers they are and think long and hard on whether it is worth the risk to you. When asked why not, white lies work too(other plans). You are in a new environment at work and in life, so I understand not wanting to come off as anti social and like you are judging them... but again, if they are heavy drinkers I would steer clear.

Best of luck, and good going on 2 months, you are doing great things for yourself, don't risk it if you have ANY doubt about your resolve to not drink at all. Don't let the social aspect of your new situation sway your answer to yourself.

Nonsensical

Perhaps you could organize a non-alcohol-centered event after work. Then you could do the inviting. Sports event? Bowling? Monster truck rally? Book club? Cooking class? Ropes course? Build your own teddy bear? Whatever you want.

Mainza

I will go to the movie theater and invite others if they want to come!

Dee74

Nons has a great idea

D

least

I would just say, No thanks, I don't drink. And suggest some other activity that doesn't involve drinking. Don't give in to drinking just because you want to 'fit in' with your coworkers. You know you can't control it. Don't invite disaster.

liv1ce

You can be with people who drink and not drink. It will be hard and you may give in at this early time. It is too risky so I would look at some of the other ideas here.

Either way when you do find yourself in a drinking crowd you will find that you have someone to talk to initially but conversations get really stupid when you look at them from the sober side.

All the great ideas and insightful things you thought you were saying in your drinking days will look like the inane drivel and slobber they really are and become quite tiresome.

OnMyWay7

I tell people I have a condition and I can't drink. Liver issues. People don't ask much after that. Ovens had to use it twice already for business dinners.

Tang

After seeing an admitted alcoholic at work become marginalized and eventually pushed out of the company, I personally do not use any excuse that would indicate I have an alcojol problem to coworkers. Instead I say I'm on medication or have an unrelated condition that prevents me from drinking. The former is actually true.

MIRecovery

When pushed at work I say, "I used to drink that's why I don't." It seems to be effective without going into all of the gory details of my past.

tomsteve

I used to be bothered at my reply. That was fear of what others thought of me. Low self esteem.
I've put in quite a bit of footwork at changing me and now have no problem if asked to drink to simply say no thanks and if pushed something like
I used to but ended up wanting to kill myself.and ya don't have enough for me.


Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to stop drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life depends on that one thing.

Can I ever afford to forget this? Even for one minute?

IOAA2

Hi.

If you can stay sober for a period of time you’ll probably ask yourself where was your thinking to consider drinking just to be with some people that disappear from our lives and are perhaps sitting on the same bar stools “having fun.”

When I joined AA I slowly opened up and was able to create genuine friends who had some depth and helped each other stay sober when needed.

If wanting to hold something while conversing what’s wrong with a bottle of iced tea or something along that line.

BE WELL

whitehorses

Tell them you dont drink. They will either be jealous..or try to persuade you to have one...this is the experience i had a couple of years ago.
I have to say ..i got a kick out of saying i didnt drink. Then i watched them , and the effects alcohol had on them.. an eye opener. Stay strong, and be proud.

Soberwolf

Well done on your 2 months

BelleDeMer

Nice job on 2 months , Mainza and thanks for bringing up the topic of moderation, which I was really struggling with last nite. Having no computer at home, I just had to kind of tough it out, not being able to get on the SR forums.
However, just being able to think that there are many, many others out there like you - who can choose to abstain helps me make my own choices better
Again - Thank You

Mainza

This was my last past over 4 months ago! Ugh, I slipped up and drank sometime in late January and I am now back where I started. I've been drinking too much beer, getting fat, and have been stressed out and sick. I've been sober for 3 days now. This time will be different but I don't know how.

Dee74

I'm sorry to hesr you're struggling Mainza but I'm glad you're back.

Maybe this link will give you some ideas on how to make this time different?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D

CaseyW

Mainza, so glad you made your way back in here. I hope you'll join us in the Class of May 2015 thread. It's a great way to connect with and learn from others who are in early recovery.

Angie247

Glad to see you back. I'm just on day 30 and sometimes it is a real struggle. They say take it day by day but at times it has been hour by hour. The thing that has helped me is staying very busy when the thought creeps in. This website is a huge help in keeping me sober too. Again, it's really great that you're back here.