tate9685

I have posted many threads on here about my daughter and the stress she has brought me. I take responsibility for her instability for the most part. I was a good Mother when I wasn't binge drinking. So, in other words, she grew up in chaos and despair. She is a product of that environment. Now, she is 20 years old and has a 10 month old baby boy. I supported her with this unplanned pregnancy. They lived with me until August of 2014 when she decided she wanted to be independent (translation: have friends over and party) and she got an apartment with her best friend. Her room mate recently moved out because she couldn't stand living with my daughter because she is messy and doesn't do her share of housework, and because she is moody and rude and expected her room mate to do to much for her. My daughter then moved in two males who have no job or car and smoke marijuana. Yes, I told her how stupid that was and that she was putting her and her son in danger. She didn't listen and then they threatened her physically and she called the police on them and now they are out leaving her alone in the apartment. NOW
she told me that she is pregnant again. Both "fathers" have multiple children, no money and are currently in jail. I was DEVASTATED.
MY QUESTION is this: It is wrong of me to tell her that I will be there for my grandson, but that I will NOT allow her to move back in with me and that I don't support her decision to go through with the pregnancy. ?
In this case, she may have to move into public housing, get even more state $ assistance. I know that she is not strong enough to handle 2 babies. She doesn't want to take care of my grandson right now.

Help. Any thoughts?? Thanks!

OnMyWay7

My only thought is - look into something called "Depression Fallout" and then actually look into and see if your daughter is actually Depressed and needs help for that in addition to her addictions.

Nothing wrong with telling her she can't move in (setting boundries) but nothing wrong with telling her that you love her and wish she'd be better to herself.

tate9685

Thanks Teebee. Great advice. I have recently encouraged her to go back to therapy. She used to go and used to be on medication for depression and anxiety. I am trying not to be angry at her because I know that she has to be really sad and suffering from delusional thinking to put herself and us in this situation. I will look into depression fallout. Thanks again!

Anna

It's your home so you can set any boundaries that you like.

I would ask you what you mean by "I will be there for my grandson"? And, that your daughter doesn't want to take care of your grandson now? Are you willing and able to 'adopt' the child and raise him yourself. I surely understand your concern about the boy, but that's a huge commitment. I wish you well with your decision.

tate9685

Thank you Anna. I meant that I will babysit him for now and if she becomes unable to take care of his needs that I would raise him. She already calls me if he is crying too much, or she needs a break. I usually keep him all weekend anyway. But, no, I would not like the responsibility to taking care of an infant at this stage in my life, but I have bonded with him and love him so much. I don't want him to suffer in any way and want to be there for him. I can't stand the thought of him suffering. He is such a sweet little boy and didn't ask to be born into any of this.

Soberwolf

Im really sorry tate for your situation it might not be the best option but it is the safest option to look after the child while you ask your daughter to go rehab/Detox

You could say il help but shel have to meet you in the middle
Im sorry things are like this

Anna

I completely understand how you feel and it's such a sad situation.

For your grandson's sake, I am so glad you are willing to step in and assume responsibility.

Thepatman

I agree with Anna.

Nonsensical

Also keep in mind you are just a few days sober. It's typical for emotions to be all over the place at that point, and that impacts rational thinking. I would avoid making any decisions that can't be unmade for several weeks.

Best of luck to you!