elvisbabygirl

HELLO, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME. I HAVE JUST BEGUN A.A.. I AM LOOKING FOR A SPONSOR. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT . WHAT DO THE SPONSORS DO? IS IT A CONTROL THING OR A SUPPORT THING? I AM VERY CONFUSED. I WAS IN A VERY ALCOHOLIC RELATIONSHIP AND I JOINED IN AND BECAME OUT OF CONTROL. I HAD TO LEAVE MY ALCHOLIC BOYFRIEND(HIS GIRLFRIEND IS JACK DANIELS) AND I HAD TO GET SOBER MYSELF. I AM VERY DEPRESSED, ALONE, AND MISERABLE. IS THERE HOPE? I HAVE A VERY STRESSFUL JOB AND I WANT TO NUMB MY BROKEN HEART AND MY NERVES.

SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS, I FORGOT TO CHANGE OVER. I AM VERY upset right now. here we go. be easy on me.

peace2u

Not to worry Sister...we're all hurting pretty bad ourselves. Choosing and using your sponsor is a very important part of your recovery. The only interest a sponsor has is to help you maintain sobriety...so I don't think he/she will be trying to control any aspects of your life. When you do the Fourth step, you can share what you've done with your sponsor and that way the sponsor knows where you're coming from when you're "wigging" out.
(I know I've wigged out a few times.) :yell:
When you discuss your issues with your sponsor...make sure the sponsor understands where you are coming from. If your sponsor makes comments or suggestions that don't sound right...ask them to explain or tell them your concerns about following the suggestions. It's a give-and-take relationship. Don't expect your sponsor to do the work. They are there to guide you based on their own experience. Your recovery is still your responsibility. Make sure your sponsor knows what your triggers are. And above all, call your sponsor when you feel yourself slipping. It's a lot easier to call before you are deep in despair.
I hope this helps. I'm sure there are other tipsters out there as well. This is just information that I've learned along the way and from others like me and from reading.
Don't hesitate to post again. We think the world of you regardless of what part of the recovery journey you're on. We support all slips, relapses, tantrums, rants, confusion, and overall desperation...as well as celebrate every hurdle and sobriety birthdays.
I'm here to tell you numbing yourself with drugs is definitely NOT the answer. Good luck. :heart:

jessicajo8504

(((((ELVIS BABY))))

Welcome. You have made a great decision. I can answer a few questions but I am in NA more than AA. I have a sponser and she is a great great person. They do not by any means control. She is more of a support and gives advice. I know where you are with the numbness. I have numbed my feelings since I was 14 years old so there are a lot of feelings that I am experincing for the very first time and it is scary. With the hope issue all I can tell you is what the people in the fellowship of NA has told me, "Work the steps and hope will be reveald." Personally I have yet to find hope but by seeing the others in the fellowship I know that it is there to get. Good luck and keep it day by day.

Lots of Luck
Jess

Anna

Hi Elvisbaby,

Welcome and I'm glad you found us. I'm Anna, alcoholic, sober a few years now. I understand exactly how you feel at this point and I can assure things will get much better. For a while I couldn't imagine living through a day without numbing myself. The thing was that my world became smaller and smaller and I was miserable.

First of all you made a great decision to take care of yourself and reach out for help. Congratulations on your 27 days. I can't help you much with AA, but others will be along who will have more info.

Hang around and keep posting.

Love, Anna

Chy

Hi Elvisbabygirl,
Welcome to SR! You'll find AA a great fellowship for support. A sponsor is a friend, a guide and confident to help you work the 12 steps. They have a sponsor, and have worked the steps and will show you how they were taught. Some are harder then others, but look for someone who has some sober time, goes to meetings, and someone you just "click" with. Good luck.
http://silkworth.net/pdf/chs_sponsorship.pdf
http://alcohol411.info/What%20To%20L...%20Sponsor.htm

lulu70

Welcome to SR, elvisbaby!!!! We are glad you're here. Congratulations on 27 days. That is no small accomplishment. My name is Laura, and I am an alcoholic/pothead with just over 5 1/2 months precious sobriety.

You have got a lot of good words from previous posters. The only thing I would like to add is that a sponsor needs you just as much as you need them. One of the main principles of AA is that you cannot keep what you've got if you don't give it away. That basically means that AA's sponsor others to help them stay sober.

Okay, maybe I have a little bit more to add. Don't worry if you don't find the right sponsor right away. Keep asking. After you find someone who agrees to sponsor you, ask if you can get together to see if it is a good match. Don't be afraid of telling the sponsor that you would like to keep looking. I was lucky enough that the second person I asked has been wonderful. She gives me good suggestions, but she will not do the work for me. It wouldn't work for me if she did.

Hang in there, and keep posting!! We're all here for you!

Omega

Welcome to Soberrecovery. There are many people here just like you... myself included. Please keep posting.... keep going to meetings... and share about yourself.
Ask anything... and be easy on yourself.
Glad you are here.

David 1

Hey EBG - congratulations for making some tough, yet positive decisions. I am an alcoholic and have been sober for ten months. My route has been outpatient treatment, AA meetings, family support and the great people here.

Believe me, the early stages of recovery are not easy - we need a lot of support and that is what the meetings and sponsor can provide. I will add that things do get MUCH better - no hangovers, a clearer mind, the ability to enjoy life again - I could go on and on.

Do what you need to do to stay sober one day at a time and do it for yourself. I think it is fine to feel confused by the way - you will be surprised how quickly you will start to feel comfortable at meetings.

Take care,

Dave

hector

Congratulations on your sobriety. Keep up the good work. Your feelings are common. You take me back to my early days....over 15 years ago. Sure, your feelings are in a mess. I think it's called "detoxification"!!! It happened to me. I was an emotional basket case for months. But I knew how to make it a lot worse: take a drink.
Learn how to count to one. We're only trying to stay away from one drink - the first one - for one day - today. Tomorrow, if I wake up ( I plan to) I'll stay sober for one more day. I can't have tomorrow's sobriety today, just like I can't have tomorrow's supper today. Today is the only day that counts. Always.
Take care. We love you. You're not alone anymore.

elvisbabygirl

hey thanks for all the advice. it is nice to know there are people out there who have felt all of the confusion i am feeling right now. i am trying and grasping at straws trying to find reasons to not "numb out" for the day. i know the right answers and i know this pain will go away in time, but wow....right now it all hurts.

thanks again and i will check in


28 days and running...

sherbear5104

Elvisbaby,
Great job on the 28 days. Everyone has said good things. Just hang on, the ride may be a little bumpy right now, but it's well worth it. I can identify with wanting to "numb out", but that just made it worse for me because then I had the guilt and shame of not being able to say no. I find myself taking deep breaths and saying the serenity prayer alot. And as far as a sponsor, she is not supposed to control you, only offer suggestions and support. She will guide you, as her sponsor guides her. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Sherry

mnj1024

Hi elvisbabygirl and welcome to SR. 28 days now congrats to you!!! I numbed myself for so long it was and still is hard sometimes to deal with feelings. my first instinct is to snort, smoke, or drink something to make them go away. hang in there it does get better. The most important thing is to keep coming and dont pick up today!
mike

elvisbabygirl

hey thanks for all your reponses and kind words. i met a lady who makes me laugh and smile. i also met a guy who seems to have clued in on my shaky spirit. they are both a.a. people and i walked into a meeting alone( i do everything alone these days) and i met both of them. one talking about football and the other talking about lip gloss.
i connected with her and after two weeks of laughter and a great emails and conversation i finally asked her to be my sponsor.
the guy who is great too has taken time to go to a couple meetings with me and has bought me a few cups of coffee and some ravioli. very nice stuff.

so needless to say i met two very kind people. i am very lonely. i miss my "innebriated boyfriend" he was and still is very tall and handsome, charming, smart, and humorous..what a connection, but then seeing all the red flags was very difficult. the alcohol...oh the alcohol. i miss the company. i miss the attention. i miss begin with such an attractive guy, but the emotional ,neglectful,sadness that i was experiencing with him due to his alcoholism was and still is miserable. al-anon was a good place, but i had to stop my own drinking first.

i miss my "watering holes". i have neverbeen a sloppy, out of control" drinker. i am (was) a private drinker. i can go to the bars, have a couple , listen to music, laugh, have some fun, and go home,,,,then when i am in private that is when i feel comfortable enough to drink. i never wanted anyone to see me out of control .it only happened once, and i apologized for it as soon a i sobered up.

i am alone here in this metropolis and i am searching for my normal life again. as i am walking to the a.a. meeting i look into the restaurants. i see the couples. and i get so upset...just a couple months ago i was them. yes my guy was drunk , but he was still fun and nice ......now i am here going to an a.a. meeting on friday night and he is still out there in "our places" drinking, picking up women, and forgetting about me. i keep wondering what he has said to all of your "mutual" pals .....i know he bad mouthed me. i just give the general answer,,,"he is a wonderful person, but has some serious problems". i wonder what he has told his sisters and his family about me. everyone knew about me. i was around for a quite awhile in very intense relationship....now i am gone.

i had to be gone to get my own health back, but man i am alone, and sad.
i miss the stupid jukebox....i miss the stupid stuff. i miss the companionship.
i miss him....i do not miss the drinking.

i do want to numb out all this mess, but i am not going to drink today.

thursday is 30 days.

i will do this.....

elvisbabygirl

I Did My First Step...i Am So Emotionally Tired....alone,fearful,and Unhappy. My Work Is A Stress Basket And My Nerves Are Jangled.

29 Days Sober.

Doing Okay

David 1

Hey EBG - I was a "private" drinker also for the most part. I would retreat to my basement to watch some movies, but would actually pass out from drinking before I ever finished them. I was starting to become more and more isolated and I know my work was not to the level it should have been. I hit bottom one night and luckily for me have been sober ever since. Now, I can actually watch a movie start to finish and enjoy it!!

Alcohol is a disease that controls us, WILL eventually ruin us and all those things that you "think" you miss - thats the disease talking, trying to entice you to drink. Normal life again?? How about a life that is even better than before, with genuine emotions and maybe a little less stress at work.

You are going through recovery right now - things do get better, but it takes time. Hang in there and make the best investment that you could ever make - in yourself!!

Dave

elvisbabygirl

hey i made 30 days. well it is not 12pm yet. i am alone,lost and tired.

i found a great sponsor. i am clinging on to the few friends i do have that are long time buds. i am sure they are sick of me. i can't focuse to well at work.
the only thing that goes through my head....

"sit still"..."do not drink today".

Moontime

ebg, it get soo much better. Once I started to work the program, to do step work with my sponsor, I lost that feeling of "just here in the rooms to survive" feeling. I am now living in recovery. We have a feelings disease, feel something buy something, feel something want to use something. We want to do whatever it takes to not feel certain feelings. That's ok, but know that the feelings do pass. "This Too Shalt Pass" It's what we do inspite of our feelings that get us away from using. Going to meetings, sharing with our sponsor, and helping someone have always changed the way I feel in a healthy way. Keep Coming Back!! More Will Be Revealed.

elvisbabygirl

MY DEVIL IS KNOCKING...it is like when you are on a diet and you see the chocolate cake and you throw it away, but you know it is still in the trash can....well i have eaten cake out of the trash can.......so what makes me not run to the store and buy the soothing bottle of wine or tequila....i do not know.

my self destruct mode is so strong. sick stuff.....


friday will be here....another weekend to contend with. i feel as though i am contending with it. i fight it the whole time. i hate it.........

:smileeek:

30 days and counting..

:saevilw:

MootPoint

elvisbabygirl, your devil might be knocking. But for 30 days you have shown that you don't have to answer that door.

For 30 days you have not numbed out your feelings, you have not run back to your boyfriend, you have a sponsor, you have AA friends (at least 2, but I suspect more), you have been SOBER.

Your self destruct mode might be strong, but THINK THRU THE DRINK. If you find yourself really in trouble (and your phone numbers haven't worked... you have called, eh?), think of how you would feel AFTER the drink or binge. Think about how you would feel when you lost those hard fought 30 days.

You have a whole forum here pulling for you and AA in face to face pulling for you.

You can do it!

elvisbabygirl

i made it day 31......it is friday. another weekend. my boxing gloves are on. i will have to fight my way through these next three nights. i have a great sponsor and i have the phone numbers....i am just one of those people(and this is one of the reasons i was drinkning in my private world),,,,,i never want to bother people.....what the heck.....


thanks for all your encouragement. i will try to log on to this at home and hopefully i will have some late night weekend encourgament.

thanks y'all

lonesome in los angeles,

ebg