Very first time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ca
Posts: 4
Very first time
Hello! I sure hope I'm in the right place, but if not, that maybe I could get some directions?
I have been addicted to opioid pain pills for nearly 5.5 years, but am today at the lowest dose, having tapered myself down over a span of about 3 months, and am very close to not wearing any opioid patch at all. Experiencing some withdrawal discomfort, but more focused and feeling grateful for the return of my brain! My senses! And, dare I say, some real feelings of authentic happiness!?! How scared I have been for so long!
I have read a few posts, and want to thank you for creating this space. I have been alone for so long, although I have a career and dear husband. I have been ashamed and depressed and desperate, and silent. I am in the mental-health profession, and have been so afraid of losing it, have resisted enrolling in any treatment. Fear. But today, I am feeling more hope than I have for a long time. I've been able to go off pain meds before, at least twice, after successful spinal surgeries. But this last "bout" was the longest of all, starting after mom dying, discovering a stash of Vicodin in her medicine cabinet, then feigning pain with my own MDs over the subsequent years just to get my opioids refilled. I am thankful to no longer be in physical pain, and ashamed of my abuses. But am turning around. I've dealt with several miscarriages during this time, with coming to terms with the abusiveness of family (of,origin) members and have cut many off. I went through an episode of major depression, on top of my chronic regular low-grade depression, and tried to soothe it all w my pills. Not today though. And I pray, not tomorrow.
Thank you.
I have been addicted to opioid pain pills for nearly 5.5 years, but am today at the lowest dose, having tapered myself down over a span of about 3 months, and am very close to not wearing any opioid patch at all. Experiencing some withdrawal discomfort, but more focused and feeling grateful for the return of my brain! My senses! And, dare I say, some real feelings of authentic happiness!?! How scared I have been for so long!
I have read a few posts, and want to thank you for creating this space. I have been alone for so long, although I have a career and dear husband. I have been ashamed and depressed and desperate, and silent. I am in the mental-health profession, and have been so afraid of losing it, have resisted enrolling in any treatment. Fear. But today, I am feeling more hope than I have for a long time. I've been able to go off pain meds before, at least twice, after successful spinal surgeries. But this last "bout" was the longest of all, starting after mom dying, discovering a stash of Vicodin in her medicine cabinet, then feigning pain with my own MDs over the subsequent years just to get my opioids refilled. I am thankful to no longer be in physical pain, and ashamed of my abuses. But am turning around. I've dealt with several miscarriages during this time, with coming to terms with the abusiveness of family (of,origin) members and have cut many off. I went through an episode of major depression, on top of my chronic regular low-grade depression, and tried to soothe it all w my pills. Not today though. And I pray, not tomorrow.
Thank you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Welcome WantLife, and I'm glad you found us and that you decided to live a sober life.
Addiction does cause shame and it's great to be able to step away from that. I'm so glad you're on the way.
Addiction does cause shame and it's great to be able to step away from that. I'm so glad you're on the way.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome, wantlife, to SR. You will find support, understanding and encouragement here.
I don't have any substance experience but someone should be along soon who does.
If not, you may want to repost in the Substance Abuse forum. I'll send you the link in a minute.
I don't have any substance experience but someone should be along soon who does.
If not, you may want to repost in the Substance Abuse forum. I'll send you the link in a minute.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Here you go.
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Again, welcome, wantinglife.
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Again, welcome, wantinglife.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
I experienced shame, self-loathing and desperation while in active alcoholism. The good news is that those feelings can be turned around and replaced with hope and healthy self-esteem in sobriety.
Really liked your post, btw; full of wisdom and self-realization.
Really liked your post, btw; full of wisdom and self-realization.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ca
Posts: 4
Thank you Anna.
I have to tell you that, after seeing your darling Siamese, I felt right at home. I am now singing "we are Siamese if you please.... We are Siamese if you don't please," which is one of the best Disney songs ever! So, silly question, but are they talkers? We had one, as a child, who was aptly named "Meow!" I am still amazed at how many different messages he was able to convey with those two syllables, me-ow. Smile
I have to tell you that, after seeing your darling Siamese, I felt right at home. I am now singing "we are Siamese if you please.... We are Siamese if you don't please," which is one of the best Disney songs ever! So, silly question, but are they talkers? We had one, as a child, who was aptly named "Meow!" I am still amazed at how many different messages he was able to convey with those two syllables, me-ow. Smile
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ca
Posts: 4
Thank you SoberLeigh. That term, "wisdom, is striking me. It's not one I would have used myself, to describe myself. So thanks for that point of view. I'll try it on, and see how it fits
As I become more aware, and out of my opioid cloud, I feel the need for my fellow human being. I reached out, and you three are right here. I'm tearing-up... Good tears. From a deep place. I'm grateful. Thank you.
As I become more aware, and out of my opioid cloud, I feel the need for my fellow human being. I reached out, and you three are right here. I'm tearing-up... Good tears. From a deep place. I'm grateful. Thank you.
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