Stoic

On July 9, after about two weeks' abstinence, I did what I'd done dozens of times before. I had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, and then some single malt scotch after the meal.

I felt great for about a half hour. Then I began to feel depressed, and when I went to bed around 10 pm, had trouble getting to sleep. I awoke between 2 and 3 AM, filled with anxiety over almost everything, however trivial. After a few more hours of fitful sleep, I got up early and began to work my way through the hangover that always follows my drinking even small amounts of alcohol. Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, always anticipating a different result.

I'm sure this is because, many years ago, I drank very heavily. I should have gone into AA then, but instead I gradually tried to get control of what I knew, deep down, was a serious problem. I did attend a couple of AA meetings, and I did achieve a degree of control. But every few weeks I'd be tempted to have a few glasses of wine, as if to prove to myself that I'm just like most other people, able to drink moderately.

But what's really at work, in addition to the sheer chemical effect of alcohol itself, is the rush I get from knowing that I'm playing with fire. Once I've enjoyed that rush (not to mention the hangover), I again resolve to not drink at all, and the cycle begins all over again.

I'm writing all this because I think I've reached a new awareness about this, as reflected in the fact that I just reached thirty days without a drink, and no desire either to have one or to make a big deal out of my achievement. This site has helped me a lot here, and writing privately about my feelings and experiences has helped as well.

Perhaps this should be posted in the "gratitude" forum, because what I really want to say is "Thank you!" to everyone here. Things are going well, and you're all a part of that.

Dan

Thanks for sharing Stoic.
And a heartfelt congratulations!
Yes indeed. It's that rush you speak of, more so than the chemical induced euphoria, that kept me returning to the scene of the crime, as it were, for the last ten years of my active addiction. By then, alcohol had become my consort, and I was blinded with the lust of danger everytime.
Again friend, well done.

3legacy

Thank You Stoic!

bikewench

Hmmm... sounds like someone has given up their will around booze... ;o)

Blessings on your 30 days Stoic...
Thanks for sharing your gratitude ...

sam082602

congrats

Tom M

Congradulations on your 30 days STOIC!
It took me a long time to get this process down also.
You will get to where you want one day at a time.

sherbear5104

congrats on 30 days.

KelKel

Stoic

Thank You...
for sharing my story (journey).

In memory of miracle

30 days is great !! Bless ! Trish

Stoic

Many, many thanks to all of you for your generous responses. It's 31 and counting now, just one day at a time.

Athena724

Thank you for sharing your story. I really appreciate it. I'm struggling and your story gives me hope that I too can eventually reach 30 days...and beyond. Keep us posted. And CONGRATULATIONS!!! :bparty3

mnj1024

[QUOTE=Stoic]
I'm writing all this because I think I've reached a new awareness about this, as reflected in the fact that I just reached thirty days without a drink, and no desire either to have one or to make a big deal out of my achievement. [QUOTE]

Congrats on the 31 days Stotic and although you may not want to make a big deal out of it I think it is a VERY BIG DEAL. That is quite an acheivement and you should be very proud of yourself, there are many many people out there who cant even get through a single day without picking up. Every day is a miracle for us addicts and alcoholics. your doing great, keep it up!
mike