Guilt/shame/balance/sleep?
 

As per my other post it has been a really rough couple of days. I went to a meeting last night and I went to a meeting the night before. Continuously reaching out and talking to people in recovery over the last few days.

Today - I'm just feeling emotionally/mentally/physically exhausted beyond belief.

I just want to shut my brain off in the only healthy way I know how, and sleep tonight. Curl up in bed with my doggy, rest, recharge, take care of me.

But part of my brain is saying "no - don't miss a meeting - you need to force yourself to stay awake and go". And this part of me is feeling a lot of guilt about just wanting to take a night off.

Is this an unreasonable thing to do? I need to get an answer from somebody else because my brain is too crazy to be coherent right now.

I feel like I live in constant guilt/fear of "not doing it right" and find it impossible to find balance with anything anymore.

I don't use AA but I know for sure, balance is crucial to me in recovery. I try to keep my life balanced each day, each week, each month and it works. If I let things slide, then I don't do well.

I have times when I feel overwhelmed with thoughts and information and I have to stop and just be and let things settle.

I also think it's really important to listen to your body in early recovery. I spent 3 years ignoring signals from my body and when I started to listen to my body it helped enormously.

Don't overthink it. If you need rest, rest. You've had a hard week. Go to a morning meeting instead.

This

Sounds like you've been through a lot Mrrryah. Don't forget to have compassion for yourself too!

Oh sweetheart, you just lost a very close friend. It is 100% appropriate to curl up in bed with your pup and cry and sleep.

You've been to two meetings within the last 2 days. Meetings are just one aspect of recovery. Caring for your body, allowing yourself time to feel things, accepting the need to grieve, nurturing the child that needs a cozy safe bedtime - those are all such important things.

Allow yourself to be your child tonight - take a bath, wear your jammies, cuddle the dog, read, spray lavender on your pillow - whatever means soft gentle comfort to you.

Sometimes the glare of the bad lights and the busyness of meetings are exactly what I LEAST need spiritually. We are sensitive beings, and sometimes that is an awful lot of jarring energies to be around.

My vote is tuck yourself in tonight, go to a meeting tomorrow. Learning to listen to our most true needs is the primary work of recovery, in my humble opinion.

^^^^^

What our ever-wise Heartcore said.

((((Mrrryah)))))