Addiction takes another life... worst weekend ever.
 

My friend, Brennan.

I met him in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. 25 year old guy - big personality. Constantly making everyone laugh. One of those people who everyone just loves to be around. Witty - intelligent - a loving son, brother, friend.

We became very close, very fast friends. We would attend meetings together... I would pick him up from his residential treatment center in town. We would blare the tunes (we loved all the same music) and have deep conversations about life, recovery, the program, getting sober. Our struggles. We would laugh at the similarities in our stories, and what absolute trainwrecks we both are once we pick up a drink/drug. You know - it really does help to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes. We would laugh until my cheeks hurt, talk on the phone, help eachother through our struggles one day at a time.

Back in - late October I want to say.... I fell off the wagon, pretty hard, after a few months of sobriety in the program. Brennan came straight to my side.... Unfortunately he was struggling himself with the desire to drink, and we ended up falling off together. We both have addictions besides alcohol and were into the drugs shortly after.

He was kicked out of his treatment center as a result, so he stayed with me for a while, until my fiance was having no more of it. I then found him a place to live (kind of) through a friend of mine who I introduced him to.

I came back to AA after our week long episode, and I've been trying/struggling to stay sober ever since. Brennan hasn't been able to find the motivation/resolve within him to try again... for the most part (I think he might have attended a couple of meetings) he has stayed out and not really given recovery another try. I think - he thought like me - so many times when I have allowed myself to descend further into my addiction.... "eventually I'll just come around... but for now I'm going to enjoy this..... just one more day/week/month/event/whatever."

I'm not happy to say it - but every time I relapsed since then, I would go straight to Brennan and his new roommate (my friend's) house, and we would end up using/drinking together. It was sick, but he was one of my best friends in the world, and I loved him dearly.

We grew together and we struggled together. I saw him flourish and I saw him descend further into his addictions. He watched me do the same.

My last relapse, which I posted about here on SR.... I left his house on Wednesday night. He had done too many drugs and he was sweating alot/not able to form a sentence. So I decided he needed to go to bed, and I needed to leave. (Plus we were all out of drugs, so what was the point in staying).

As I put him to bed, he was confused as to what was going on, and I just kept repeating "It's okay Brennan, I'm your friend, just lay down for a while, just go to sleep, it's okay, I'm your friend, I'm your friend." Then I shut the light off, and left the apartment.

I got a phone call on Saturday morning that Brennan overdosed and died. He is no longer in this world. Another beautiful soul lost to this disease.

He was 25 years old. He leaves behind a beautiful, loving mother, a sister, and a father.

Brennan, I will miss you beyond words and I'm so, so, sorry. I hate this disease, with all of my being, and right now I hate myself for not saying or doing anything I possibly could to drag you back to recovery, to tell you how much you mean to me, to tell you how many people love you and how you are so worth a happy and sober life.

I've been grieving hard, and I've been doing it sober. My desire to drink and use was off of the charts when I first found out - I will not lie - but no. No more lives lost to this disease - no more, not mine. I've been leaning on AA and recovery/mutual friends for support, and I am more determined than ever to be vigilant in my sobriety.

I love you, and I'll miss you buddy. Until we meet again.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for Brennan's loss of his chance at life.

Thank you for sharing this tragic story and hopefully helping others stay sober today.

I pray that you will stay sober today as well, for Brennan.... for yourself.

This stuff is not a joke. This is not something we ought to look upon lightly.

Waiting until "someday" or deciding "I'll get sober next week" is an invitation for exactly this sort of end to our story.

Keep posting here, keep talking it out, keep getting yourself support Mrrryah.

I'm sorry for your loss, Mrrryah, and prayers for Brennan and his family.

I am so sorry for Brennan, for your loss, for his family's loss.

Please stay strong, Mrrryah.

Stay close to SR.

Condolances Mrryah his family must be heartbroken as you are

Since getting sober this has happened to me its heartbreaking and im very sorry

You got us Mrryah (((Mrrryah)))

So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing though. It's important for all of us to be reminded that we are dealing with a serious and deadly addiction here.

Mrrryah, I'm very sorry to hear of this tragic event. I hope you can focus on yourself and not let this hinder your path to recovery. My heart goes out to you and the family.

I recall when I first started IOP, I told the counselor that I was going to pick up a guy who was staying in a halfway house and start taking him to meetings. I was cautioned - urged actually - to not get too involved because I was still too new to sobriety to be worrying about someone else who was very much at risk. The thought was that I was not secure enough myself and two people early in sobriety hanging out together is not a good idea. I followed that advice because even though I thought I was okay, the advice of someone with more experience, and a professional, seemed prudent. I knew I did not want to risk any sort of distraction that may cause me to relapse or lose focus on myself. Please be careful going forward. It may be better to hang with people who have a lot more time sober. If you have a sponsor please discuss this with her.

I'm sorry for your loss. Cling to your support through this tragedy. And of course, SR is here for you.

So sorry for your loss Mrrryah :hug:

Mrrryah I am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong and focused for your friend I'm sure that's what he would want for you.

Hang in there.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your friend!

I am so very sorry.

rarely will anything make the tears come on the recovery boards but I found the above part heartbreaking.

I pray for his family and all who loved him that will feel this loss of their son and brother. Can't imagine hurting more than I have in losing people I love (not from drugs) but were I to lose my child....eh, like I said, this post just shattered me.

Thanks for the support guys. I will definitely stay close.

My heart just pours out to his mother in particular today.

I realized that Brennan lost his grandmother only a month or two ago, he was quite upset about it.

Then I realized that's his mom's mother... so she lost both her mother and her son in a matter of two months.

Praying praying praying for her.....

so sorry for your loss. it is another loss for us all. please remember you said this and may it keep you strong...

we grieve with you.

Rest in Peace Brennan. :Flower111

Very sorry for your loss Mrrryah!! :(

I'm so very sorry to hear this M.
I hope that you use the support system you have in place to get you through this horrible time.
*HUGS*

My prayers are with you and I know you are hurting so much. Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story.

I am so sorry to hear this Mrrryah. This is extremely heartbreaking. To be honest, I actually logged onto SR just now about to post a question about someone I love that I'm a little worried about. I'm going to save that post for later, but this was an eye-opener.

Please take care of yourself during this time. I'm keeping your dear friend and his family in my thoughts.