It's hard to stay sober when your married to an alcholic in denial.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Chicago
Posts: 38
It's hard to stay sober when your married to an alcholic in denial.
I have a bad case of the post holiday blues. My anxiety is out of control and it has resulted in a week long of every other day binge drinking. And each time I can only remember 1/2 of my evening.
My drinking has escalated and is taking a toll on my marriage and my children. I've fallen down the stairs, suffered two concussions, split my head open twice. And don't remember a damn thing.
2 1/2 years ago I was assaulted and dumped out of a car. I did not file a report. I did see my doctor. But I did not tell my husband about the assault until recently. Plus a year after the assault I was attacked from behind and robbed. That is when my social drinking turned into a problem. I'm so angry and when I drink it's like a switch and I never know when it's going to go off. But I take my rage out on my spouse. I am in therapy but lately that just seems to be making things harder. I pull off a scab and expose my pain then come home and watch him drink a twelve pack or go to the pj to hang out while I'm supposed to sit around and drink tea and process all of this on my own. All I really want is a glass of wine.
My drinking has escalated and is taking a toll on my marriage and my children. I've fallen down the stairs, suffered two concussions, split my head open twice. And don't remember a damn thing.
2 1/2 years ago I was assaulted and dumped out of a car. I did not file a report. I did see my doctor. But I did not tell my husband about the assault until recently. Plus a year after the assault I was attacked from behind and robbed. That is when my social drinking turned into a problem. I'm so angry and when I drink it's like a switch and I never know when it's going to go off. But I take my rage out on my spouse. I am in therapy but lately that just seems to be making things harder. I pull off a scab and expose my pain then come home and watch him drink a twelve pack or go to the pj to hang out while I'm supposed to sit around and drink tea and process all of this on my own. All I really want is a glass of wine.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hello Taylorsaint im so sorry you have suffered like that unfortunatly only he can make the call on his recovery
You have to stay focused on you if you are having cravings read your post again look at what it is doing try this also http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
I have a no alcohol rule at home is this possible for you ?
Really nice to meet you & so glad you found us
You have to stay focused on you if you are having cravings read your post again look at what it is doing try this also http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
I have a no alcohol rule at home is this possible for you ?
Really nice to meet you & so glad you found us
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Hi taylor and welcome!
You don't want to drink, but because of living with a drunk you are finding it hard. I can't even begin to understand your frustration!
But I do know, being sober is for you. If he wants to get stupid drunk every night while you sip tea and learn to live a different life, that isn't the problem you are currently working on.
Work on YOU first and foremost. If he isn't available to talk to about what you are going through, the people on this site ARE. We have gone through and are going through very similar situations and so far in my time here, there is nothing but support here.
Post all you like, maybe the people here can help you through your struggles
You don't want to drink, but because of living with a drunk you are finding it hard. I can't even begin to understand your frustration!
But I do know, being sober is for you. If he wants to get stupid drunk every night while you sip tea and learn to live a different life, that isn't the problem you are currently working on.
Work on YOU first and foremost. If he isn't available to talk to about what you are going through, the people on this site ARE. We have gone through and are going through very similar situations and so far in my time here, there is nothing but support here.
Post all you like, maybe the people here can help you through your struggles
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Taylor...I'm really glad you're here!
Like you, I was living with an alcoholic who is in total denial about his problem.
I was also assaulted five years ago, and that's when my drinking/pill popping really took off. I am so sorry for your pain.
When I decided to get sober I was met with great resistance from my partner...he wanted no part of it and I had a choice to make. I made the choice to move out and save my sobriety...and quite probably my life. I know that not everyone can do that, but I was desperate and I knew that I probably wouldn't live through another blackout.
You're physical injuries have been horrible and your emotional pain even worse, but I hope that you will put yourself and your sobriety first right now...regardless of what he does or doesn't do. This is a fight for your life.
Please keep reaching out here for help.
Like you, I was living with an alcoholic who is in total denial about his problem.
I was also assaulted five years ago, and that's when my drinking/pill popping really took off. I am so sorry for your pain.
When I decided to get sober I was met with great resistance from my partner...he wanted no part of it and I had a choice to make. I made the choice to move out and save my sobriety...and quite probably my life. I know that not everyone can do that, but I was desperate and I knew that I probably wouldn't live through another blackout.
You're physical injuries have been horrible and your emotional pain even worse, but I hope that you will put yourself and your sobriety first right now...regardless of what he does or doesn't do. This is a fight for your life.
Please keep reaching out here for help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 251
My wife isn't an alcoholic but she still goes out, has beer/wine in the house for herself... Totally inconsiderate of what I'm going through and has even tried to get me to relapse and made fun of me for drinking odouls (could be soda, tea, she just attacked the fact that I wasn't drinking alcohol) after 2 months of this without any sign of improvement I'm filing for divorce. As I accumulate days, weeks and now 2 months I have less anxiety about failing and that has given me the strength to see life without her would be better than battling the addiction and the temptation caused by her actions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Chicago
Posts: 38
I spent the fall getting myself together. I was sober for 6 weeks, I ran a 15 k ( I am NOT a runner) I did the Whole30. Lost any weight that crept up with my binge drinking. I was in a good place. My sobriety made everyone else uncomfortable. My whole family ( my kids loved it. They're 23 21 19 and 15) buy my friends and family and my husband thought I was being a prude and a bore when I was drinking seltzer and lime in a wine glass. I was happy. But being constantly berated for not drinking set me off on a binge, where I intentionally got drunk and ended up in the ER with staples in my head. My husband did not take me. It was my kids and my daughter in law that saw that I was bleeding everywhere. 6 staples and a concussion has left me with major headaches and pent up anger. I'm mad at him, mad at myself. Mad at the situation. That was 3 months ago.
I know that I have been an enabler. We married right out of high school. He has suffered more trauma than I have but I can't keep going in the same circles. He dumped all the holiday booze we had in the house two days ago to keeps from drinking, then sent my kid to buy him a case of beer.
I know that I have been an enabler. We married right out of high school. He has suffered more trauma than I have but I can't keep going in the same circles. He dumped all the holiday booze we had in the house two days ago to keeps from drinking, then sent my kid to buy him a case of beer.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
Your H is fighting his own battles with booze. Your sobriety threatens his addiction. I'm in the same place with my H, just a little further down the road. I've found I have to let his words and actions float right past me without reaction or comment. I can't get pulled into discussions with his addiction. I'm not always successful but it's getting better.
Come here as often as you can. You will gain strength and support just from reading the forums, and there's always someone here to help when you need it. This is truly a matter of life and death. You deserve a better life.
Come here as often as you can. You will gain strength and support just from reading the forums, and there's always someone here to help when you need it. This is truly a matter of life and death. You deserve a better life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi tailorsaint,
It's hard to get sober and stay that way when you are living with someone who doesn't want to quit and isn't supportive of your efforts. I quit a year ago and my husband didn't at the time. He's relapsed again and it's been hard to not join in but I'm managing.
Here's what helped me. Whatever he does, I don't drink. I try not to look at what he is doing and focus on me. I refuse any longer to drink AT my problem and anger but try to find other healthy outlets.
You are carrying around a lot of anger and hurt. Keep working with your therapist on that. I also read Co-dependent no more, which I picked up for dealing with my husband but has actually been more helpful in addressing my drinking. Maybe al anon and AA meetings to get out and around other sober people. I'm in chicago as well. There are a ton of meetings every day of the week, at all times of the day.
You can do it! Come here and read and post often. Reach out. Hang in there.
It's hard to get sober and stay that way when you are living with someone who doesn't want to quit and isn't supportive of your efforts. I quit a year ago and my husband didn't at the time. He's relapsed again and it's been hard to not join in but I'm managing.
Here's what helped me. Whatever he does, I don't drink. I try not to look at what he is doing and focus on me. I refuse any longer to drink AT my problem and anger but try to find other healthy outlets.
You are carrying around a lot of anger and hurt. Keep working with your therapist on that. I also read Co-dependent no more, which I picked up for dealing with my husband but has actually been more helpful in addressing my drinking. Maybe al anon and AA meetings to get out and around other sober people. I'm in chicago as well. There are a ton of meetings every day of the week, at all times of the day.
You can do it! Come here and read and post often. Reach out. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 41
Hi taylotsaint
I know it is hard. My husband drinks every night and I quit 12 days ago. I am trying to ignore his drinking for now and focus on myself. Luckily he likes liquor with diet coke. I always liked beer or wine. At least for now there is no beer and wine in the house so that helps. Is there something that he can drink that is not as appealing to you?
Unfortunately I can't control my husband. He is so hard headed. If I pressured him to quit it would probably make him drink more. In the past he would make fun of me and and give me a hard time same as upminers spouse. So far that hasn't happened this time.
My plan is to work on myself. It feels selfish but I try to remember that being happy and healthy will make me a better wife and mother. I do worry that he may feel threatened by having a healthy happy wife though. If that is the case it is out of my control. I secretly hope that he will see how my life can go on without alcohol and it will set an example for him, but again it is out of my control.
This site has been been my only support so far. It's really helpful. Feel free to reach out here. You are not alone.
I know it is hard. My husband drinks every night and I quit 12 days ago. I am trying to ignore his drinking for now and focus on myself. Luckily he likes liquor with diet coke. I always liked beer or wine. At least for now there is no beer and wine in the house so that helps. Is there something that he can drink that is not as appealing to you?
Unfortunately I can't control my husband. He is so hard headed. If I pressured him to quit it would probably make him drink more. In the past he would make fun of me and and give me a hard time same as upminers spouse. So far that hasn't happened this time.
My plan is to work on myself. It feels selfish but I try to remember that being happy and healthy will make me a better wife and mother. I do worry that he may feel threatened by having a healthy happy wife though. If that is the case it is out of my control. I secretly hope that he will see how my life can go on without alcohol and it will set an example for him, but again it is out of my control.
This site has been been my only support so far. It's really helpful. Feel free to reach out here. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I have never been able to wrap my head around having alcohol in the home of an alcoholic. I never did so with my X husband who is an alcoholic. I did it out of courtesy to him because I felt like it was rubbing salt into a wound. Why make it harder??
As far as having an alcoholic for a spouse who is in recovery, I guess I just don't see how that is able to work.
I can only say for anyone in recovery, keep it up! Sobriety is the best thing you can do for you!
As far as having an alcoholic for a spouse who is in recovery, I guess I just don't see how that is able to work.
I can only say for anyone in recovery, keep it up! Sobriety is the best thing you can do for you!
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